How To Build A Strong Tribe Of Work Friends
Work friends are arguably much harder to make than regular friends. There is a sense of control and discipline needed that you don't have normally. What many of us might not realize is that the same standards for your intimate tribe apply to your work tribe. An empowering work tribe can keep your career thriving, keep you sane, and above the fray. A negative work tribe can infiltrate your mind and potentially ruin your career trajectory. Many of us don't even like our jobs but having a negative tribe doesn't make that any easier.
Your life is meant to be enjoyed, and if you can't enjoy this part, at least enjoy those around you.
My journey to finding solid work relationships have been fraught with laughs, betrayals, and terrifying moments. I've found a few close friends and danced with a few enemies. In creative circles, it can be even harder and everything can be taken as an insult. I wasn't lucky enough to live by my friends post-graduate, so I felt very alone in my first few working years. Even though I wasn't going to tell my deep dark secrets to the people at work, I still wanted someone to kick it and have a few drinks with every once in a while. A person who understood a bit of my life and who I could connect with, platonically. I could never really connect with anyone until I took a step back and perfected my approach.
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There's a balance to be had when building your tribe.
While you can luck up and find work friends that turn into soulmates, that story is not fit for all. Befriending and building a relationship with people at work isn't as difficult as it seems. It's not always about networking. The need for personality, humor, and empathy are there as well. On a personal level, your work tribe can keep you motivated and focused in a chaotic environment. On a professional level, they can have an impact on your performance or reputation within the company. This squad influences 40 hours of your life a week. They influence how you feel about what you do, and how you feel about where you work. There's a reason culture company is such a high priority for the current workforce.
Related: Getting the Job Will Be Easier If You Learn These 5 Things Before the Interview
It can be extremely difficult to navigate the workforce, especially if you're just starting out. Everyone seems a bit more experienced or put together, it's all quite intimidating. Here are three things you should strive for when seeking to build your work tribe.
Be Cautious About Conversations With Coworkers
Simply put, nobody has time for failed friendships. Keep that in mind but lead with an open heart. You see these people more than you see your family and friends, however, it doesn't mean they need to know your every vulnerable moment. Finding common areas of struggle is one thing, but don't overdo it. The last thing you want is for a simple rant to circle the gossip mill as the thoughts of a contentious coworker. You've worked hard to be a respected co-worker, and you don't need to blow it on a lunch conversation gone wrong.
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Don't Fake It Til You Make It
People can sense when you're putting on airs. Just because you're at work doesn't mean you can't be the real you. Be authentic. Move slow if you have to. There's no rush. The right sort of people will gravitate to you as you start to make your way. Pay attention to those in your immediate area and what they discuss. Social media can be your best friend, and a great conversation starter. Be genuine with how you feel. Discuss non-work topics, but only if you're 1000 percent comfortable with it.
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Activities Are Key In Work Relationships
If someone invites you into a group event, accept it. When you get an all-staff email about a local weekend festival, ask some co-workers to go with. Don't be afraid to ask. You'd be surprised at how many people are afraid to ask. That initial ask is the risk, it's the step you need out of your comfort zone. Choose activities that align with your interests and passions, that way you'll find out who connects with you on those levels. Once you put the interest out there, the invites will stroll in.
Whereas your personal tribe is there in times of need, this tribe should be there in times of stress.
Your work tribe should represent the different aspirations you have for your career, and help you to push for each of them. They should be your Yoda on a long day, your cheerleader before a big meeting, your after-work drinking buddy on a Friday. And who knows, you might look up one day and see them standing next to you at your wedding.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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- Dr Debra Dupree | Dr. Debra Dupree, Relationships At Work, Inc. ›
- Managing work relationships | Employment and jobs | Queensland ... ›
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- Building Positive Relationships at Work ›
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- Learn How to Develop Effective Work Relationships ›
- The 5 Biggest Mistakes You're Making With Work Relationships ›
- Building Great Work Relationships - From MindTools.com ›
- The Five Stages of Workplace “Tribes” ›
Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images