A couple of days ago, while reading an article on what science claims are the keys to a happy marriage, a few things, in particular, stood out to me—being best friends, designating housework, not fighting over text, having sex no less than once a week, and making time to celebrate one another's achievements.
As I stopped to think about the issues that come up most with the couples that I work with, not being the best of friends (if they're friends at all…you'd be surprised how many spouses aren't), not making sex a top priority in their relationship and not making the time to celebrate one another, top the list. Come to think of it, a lot of times, these three things actually overlap. (When's the last time you celebrated your partner? When's the last time your partner celebrated you?)
While I'd be the first to say that there are probably all kinds of books, blogs, and seminars that can help spouses to get back on track in these areas, the first thing that I would probably recommend? A sexcation!
I know some of you are probably thinking that I'm made that term up. Hmph, I wish. Actually, if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you'll see links pop up that explain what a sexcation is. And what exactly is it? It's a vacation that you take with your partner for the sole purpose of doing absolutely nothing but have sex (well, maybe eat and shower too but that's really about it). No sightseeing (except each other). No taking in a show (unless it's a private peep show). No buying souvenirs (unless it's lingerie, whipped cream or something else that will make your sexcation better). JUST. SEX.
The reason why a lot of sex experts and marriage counselors alike believe this is such a wise thing to do is because it's a great way to refuel the passion that may be currently lost or even just dormant in your relationship. Whether sex has gotten boring; the kids make it hard to have the spontaneous in-every-room-of-the-house kind of sex that you used to have; you haven't had time to really focus on cultivating intimacy; you haven't been feeling all that satisfied as of late or you've simply looked up and realized that you haven't had sex in a while (more than a month or two qualifies)—you are someone who could definitely use a sexcation.
And just how does one plan for something like this? For starters, since the entire point of taking this kind of vacation is so you can have sex, sex and even more sex, a long weekend is a good amount of time to be away. And while most of us can vouch for hotel sex being hot, even if it's at a place right up the street, it's best to choose a spot that takes the ambiance to a whole 'nother level.
Do I have any suggestions? Of course, I do! There's the historical setting of Gramercy Park Hotel in NYC; the rustic glamping feel of Calistoga Ranch in Napa Valley; the crisp clean layout of the 1 Hotel South Beach in Miami Beach; the oceanfront scenery of the Mauna Lani Bay Hotel & Bungalows in Kohala, Hawaii, or the very-erotic-super-sensual atmosphere of The Saint Hotel in New Orleans (all have fantastic reputations as far as sex is concerned!).
Ohhh…I meant a vacation vacation. Indeed, I did! It's crazy but I know folks who will put eight weeks into planning a dinner party at their house but won't put 10 minutes of thought into how to make their sex lives better. Something is really off about that, wouldn't you say? Especially when you think about the fact that sex is good for your health, the oxytocin that comes from doing it makes you feel closer to your partner, and physical and emotional intimacy are two proven keys to overall longevity. (Don't sleep. According to an AARP survey, well over 35 percent of people over 70 are still gettin' it in on a weekly basis!)
If you just read all of this, rolled your eyes, and thought, "I can think of 15 better things I can do with my time and my money," you are one of the main people who need to sign up for a sexcation—quick, fast, and in a hurry! I recently heard that the active a married couple's sex life is, the more stable their relationship is overall.
Not only that, but if I've said it once, I've said it a billion times over—if you want to see how healthy a marriage is, look into a couple's bedroom.
Whatever is going on (or isn't going on) in there sets the tone for the rest of the rooms of the house. At least 95 percent of the time. Plus, there's tons of data to support that regular travel strengthens relationships too.
So, what if you've got the will but you can't seem to make a financial way? A while back, I wrote about something called a sex jar; it's a cool way to save money (you can read more about it here). Some other travel expense hacks include:
- Some of the best flight fees that I don't hear mentioned a lot are on the site SkipLagged.
- All you're gonna need is underwear (if that), so save on baggage fees by only taking two carry-ons.
- If you use credit cards, see if they will transfer into points at the hotel where you plan on staying.
- If you go during the week instead of on a weekend, you could save as much as 40-50 percent.
- Don't forget to hop on sites like RetailMeNot and Coupons for promo code discounts.
- Ask the front desk if they have any special deals before booking your reservation.
- Room service is nice, but you can save even more money by stopping at a grocery store in the area.
Word on the street is couples who want to go the distance in their relationship should vacation together (without their kids) twice a year. This year, make one of those a sexcation. I have the hardest time believing that it's something you will return back home regretting. How could you? It's a time for nothing but some really hot sex. Have fun!
Featured image by Getty Images.
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