

To ALL Of The Non-Affirmers Of ALL Black Women, A Letter.
Side note: It seems like not one day goes by when I don't see something hurtful or unfortunate that a Black man has said about a Black woman, or Black women, in general. And so, I sat down today, to pen a letter to those individuals in hopes that, at the very least, it will reaffirm the women who may be affected and, also cause the men who make those disparaging statements, whether in jest or not, to take a moment—or two or 10—to reassess.
To Whom It May Concern,
Do not think that it has evaded me. "It" being all of the overt and super slick statements that are made about me and my sistahs—because when you offend one, you offend us all; that is what sistahhood is all about—seemingly on a regular basis, at this point. Me, them, a Black woman. The insults that are covertly disguised as jokes, the social media jabs that are presented as random thoughts of the day, the lyrics that try and devalue my worth and relevance. As someone who reads, researches and engages, I see it. And, I must say that, although at times, it irritates, disgusts and sometimes angers me, more than anything, what it does most of all, is leave me dumbfounded and perplexed.
As a Black woman, I am a lover of all things Black—including and, in some ways especially, Black men. And so, in a climate that is reportedly at an all-time high when it comes to racial tension, for the life of me, I can't understand why so many of the ones who are supposed to serve as my leaders and protectors would not choose to celebrate the gift that the Most High has given them—the love, support and yet-to-be-rivaled beauty that is oh so intricately packaged in the multi-dimensional hues of a Black woman.
How can any Black man mock what should be so reverently awed?
Take a Black woman's hair, for example. To be natural is to be real, instinctive, genuine. Natural means universal. Our hair, in its natural state, has a powerful divinity to it. We are made in the image of the Most High. Even the Good Book describes that Son of Man's hair as being the texture of wool (Revelation 1:14). Therefore, when you are in the presence of a full and curly 'fro or, better yet, you are privileged even to be able to touch one, that is sacred ground. It is an honor that not all are made privy to.
Our skin?
King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, once upon a time wrote countless verses about the love of his life. She? She was a woman who had dark skin (Song of Solomon 1:6). Deep, sensual, mysterious, rich, beautiful dark skin. Individuals who are in touch with their spirituality understand that everything shines brighter in the dark—and that? That is something this Universe so desperately needs at this time.
Our features?
By definition, they are a special attraction. Whether our nose is wide or keen, or our lips are full or thin, they are something to be revered and praised. Our parents, our ancestors as a whole, they helped to design what makes each of our faces to be, not only unique and distinctive, but a physical manifestation of strength, survival and resilience.
When you cast a gaze upon us, you see the courage of your Blackness's past and the fortitude of that same Blackness's future.
Our bodies.
Whatever the size or type, we're bangin', automatically so. Our bodies hold the kind of heart that loves with a type of loyalty that is supernatural; breasts that feed your young as well as nurture you; a womb that manifests miracles, both in the physical and the spiritual, and the extraordinary kind of treasure that, throughout history, have caused empires to make extreme sacrifices. Indeed, our bodies are the vessels that many of the women you pursue both quietly envy and try desperately to duplicate. Although they fail. Miserably so.
Our adornment.
Queen of Sheba. Nefertiti. Cleopatra. Candace. Nandi—a queen of Zulu which means "from the heavens"—all of these women proudly and unapologetically decorated themselves with wigs, elaborate hairstyles and face paint that was as bright and colorful as the rainbow. For them, adornment wasn't about self-hatred; it was a celebration of just how majestic they truly were.
As Black women, we are drawn to many of these same enhancements because, it's in our blood to drape ourselves too, in many ways, as an act of royalty. Whether consciously or subconsciously.
Giphy
And so yes—whether it's due to ignorance, fear or the brainwashing of certain cultures that either do not seek to understand our vastness or quietly resent us because they are not us, as a Black woman, I am truly perplexed whenever a Black man would choose to tease us, berate us or dismiss us, rather than honor, defend and praise us.
Yet in still, a queen is no less of one, just because someone chooses not to acknowledge it. My Blackness—in all of its hues, textures and sizes—is no less powerful, brilliant or necessary just because you may not decide to acknowledge it as so.
And, my energy will no longer be expended on people who do not comprehend enough of their own value or the purpose of my presence, both in and around their lives, to esteem me. Unapologetically and consistently so.
I see me. I see my sistahstoo. And, what I see is so amazing, that I will exert my power of choice to not personalize nor be internally threatened by your ignorance. At the same time, because I also see you, Black man, there is a passion within me for you to see yourself. In the meantime, for every song, every tweet, every commentary that you offer that mocks, attacks or contradicts all of what I just said, just know that I know that it has everything to do with you and absolutely nothing to do with me.
And, that I send prayers, light and love in your direction, so that you can truly learn how to embrace, delight in and affirm what God has given to abundantly bless you. ME. A BLACK WOMAN.
Feature image by Giphy
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.