Tonight, the biggest names in hip-hop gather to kick off the 16th annual BET Hip Hop Awards in Atlanta. Held at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, this year's show is hosted by the 85 South Crew: Karlous Miller, Young Fly, and Chico Bean. Nelly will be honored with the I Am Hip Hop Award, awarded last year to Master P.
Industry powerhouses Cardi B and Meg Thee Stallion lead the pack in nominations with 9 each, while our controversial loverboy, Drake, follows closely with 8. Performances will include ATL legend Lil' John, chart-topping darling BIA, and 'Best Duo' nominee Young Thug. "Best New Hip Hop Artist" Award nominees include BLXST, Coi Leray, Don Toliver, Morray, Pooh Shiesty, and Yung Bleu.
The theme was definitely comfortable and cozy this year, with few artists differing. Below, see what all your favorite artists, actors, and singers wore on the BET red carpet.
85 South
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85 South put a show on the red carpet before taking up hosting duties inside. The crew donned a mix of utilitarian, classic hip hop, and new school fresh; each playing to their respective personalities.
Fat Joe
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Fat Joe went for the ultimate old-school hip-hop vibes this year. He hosted the BET Live pregame in baby blue sweatpants and a matching Louis Vuitton bomber jacket.
BIA
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Ahead of her performance, BIA shut it down in a black bodysuit and head-to-toe zebra print. The rapper solidified the look with an oversized 'BIA' chain and 90's-style crimped blonde hair.
Lakeyah
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The stunning rapper Lakeyah showed out in a beautifully draped gold-sequined cut-out gown. The gown was selectively sheer, giving us the ultimate sophisticated but seductive look.
Sarunas J. Jackson
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The block's favorite Insecure love interests, Sarunas J. Jackson was peak causal in a delicious royal blue sweatsuit. While he did elevate the look by adding loafers, he doubled down on the coziness with the undone jacket. Speaking of Insecure, we can't wait to see the finale season on October 24.
Benny The Butcher
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Benny the Butcher stayed casual in a logo-centric Balenciaga sweater and gold accessories.
Kidd Kenn
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Kidd Kenn shut down the red carpet in a modernized silver and blue suit. Male artists tend to wear the same thing, so it's exciting to see a risk-taker on the BET red carpet.
D Smoke & Angelina Sherie
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D Smoke and Angelina Sherie were the epitome of cozy-chic as they hit the red carpet, hand-in-hand. Angelina was angelic in an all-white slightly oversized suit, while D Smoke elevated his casual look with a stylish wide-brim hat.
Nelly
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Nelly was one of the only celebrities that brought the fall vibes on the carpet. The I Am Hip Hop Award honoree rocked camouflage Burberry from head to toe and accessorized in everyone's favorite: diamonds.
Ari Fletcher
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Ari Fletcher came through to support her man, Moneybagg Yo, but she did not disappoint. In all-black custom Calechie, Ari completed the look with a sleek bun and meticulously placed diamond-studded barrettes.
Doechii
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Doechii stunned in a plunging neckline, secured by safety pins and the gods. The plunging neckline and metallic skirt are giving us major inspiration for upcoming holiday parties.
DreamDoll
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DreamDoll decided to give us 'Headmistress Realness' in a corseted tuxedo coat-dress. Only a doll of this magnitude can pull off this plaid look effortlessly.
Nick Cannon
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Nick Cannon showed up in Christmas crocs, a metal breastplate, and a long fur coat. Complete with red beaded braids and a stack of foam cups, it's clear that Nick opted for the classic Hollywood rockstar vibe.
Tyler, The Creator
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Tyler, the Creator secured the bag literally. He channeled classic bellhop vibes in a plush orange hat, silky smooth button-up, and match suitcase that he often posed with on the carpet.
The Originals
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LaNell Grant, her brother Tobe Nwigwe, and his wife Martika Ivory Rogers (also known as "Fat") were complete #familygoals on the red carpet as The Originals in coordinating sweatsuits. And we can talk about those adorable girls?! By far the cutest dressed in our book.
Remy Ma & Papoose
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Remy Ma left everyone speechless in a perfect cut-out red asymmetrical number, complete with gorgeous strappy heels. She pulled up with her husband Papoose, radiating Black love up and down the red carpet.
Latto
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Latto hit the red carpet in a modern deconstructed suit, with exposed, drop shoulders and 'cut-off' suit shorts. Latto personalized the look with her signature long (red) nails and layered silver chains.
Young Thug
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By far one of the biggest risk-takers on the red carpet, Young Thug sported metallic-draped jeans and a fur-lined cardigan jacket. Complete with 90s style sunglasses, we always appreciate a man who takes risks in fashion.
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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