Your January 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Trusting The Timing Of Your Life
January is all about maintaining a positive vision for the future and finding your balance amid change. A lot is going on this month, yet everything that is occurring is bringing things back home. Life is moving at its own pace this month, and the more you can trust the timing of life and where things are moving, the more you can gain. The month begins in the midst of Capricorn Season, with Mercury and Mars both in retrograde. Plans may not fall through exactly how they were planned for the time being, yet everything is happening exactly how it needs to. With both these planets being in retrograde for half of the month, schedules, plans, and communication channels should be looked over thoroughly, and patience is needed.
Venus enters Aquarius on January 2nd, and love is to the community and the collective while Venus is in Aquarius. Relationships take on a lighter tone while Venus is in Aquarius, and this releases some of the pressure that’s been felt while Venus was in Capricorn over the past month. Venus now being in an air sign for most of the month makes communication key regarding relationship development, and it’s about listening to your heart just as much as you are listening to what’s being said. The Full Moon of the month occurs less than a week after, on January 6th, and this Full Moon will be happening in Cancer. Emotions run high, and a chapter closes in life to bring you closer to the soul. This Full Moon is all about letting go of old baggage and healing the heart.
On January 12th, Mars officially goes direct after being retrograde in Gemini since October 30, 2022. Mars retrograde created chaos and switched things up in spaces that were once stable. Mars retrograde's duty was to shake things up and create a new direction forward that better aligns with what you are inspired by. Now that Mars is officially direct, you can take more action on your creative vision and dreams, and there are fewer road bumps on your path to success. Mercury also goes direct in Capricorn soon after on January 18th; and travel delays, miscommunication, and stability challenges all ease up during this time. Mercury direct in Capricorn makes concrete steps easier to take, and manifestation potential is increased during this time. Dream the dream, and take intentional action on them to see success.
Aquarius Season begins as the month ends on January 20th, and there is a New Moon in Aquarius as well as on the next day. Aquarius Season is a time when inspiration abounds, and a time to find your balance between logic and magic. Dreams come true during Aquarius Season, and this Aquarius New Moon is a good time to set your intentions and plan for the future. Uranus goes direct in Taurus on January 22nd after being in retrograde since August 2022, and there are fewer interruptions and disruptions when it comes to rest, feeling grounded, and following your heart.
With so many planets moving direct this month after being in retrograde, there is a huge weight lifted off the shoulders, and plans can come together again. January overall is all about perspective, patience, and growth.
What's in Store for Aries in January 2023
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecole2023 is a powerful year for Aries and the year begins with you taking the time to rest, prepare, and re-energize before moving further into the year. This month is all about listening to your body, your emotions, and your gut instincts, and about not being afraid to go at your own pace even if those around you are going at a different one. This is your month to let a new cycle of your life appear for you, while you move through your current journey with ease.
The New Moon this month is when you will be feeling a lot of that magic that the year has in store for you. On January 21st there is a New Moon in your 11th house of hopes, dreams, and friendship, and this is an excellent time of the month to start visualizing your future and everything you want to happen over the next year. With Venus also moving into your 12th house on January 26th, it’s about finding your balance between what’s falling away and what is coming this month.
What’s in Store for Taurus in January 2023
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleLove is flowing into your life in January, Taurus. This is a month of emotional expression and connection, about finding a good middle ground you haven’t felt in a while. This is a month of letting your heart lead the way and discovering that vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it is a strength to commend yourself on. This month you are finding your way by listening to your heart.
Communication is vital this month with a Full Moon occurring in your 3rd house on January 6th. This Full Moon is bringing in culminations in your life regarding mental healing, growth, and clarity. Important messages are coming through for you at the beginning of the month, and the more you can express how you are feeling, the better. A very important transit occurs before the month ends, and that is Uranus officially going direct in Taurus, after being retrograde since August 2022. What you can expect now are less chaos and disruption, and more intentional change and positive surprises.
What’s in Store for Gemini in January 2023
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is all about the direction in life you are heading in right now, Gemini. The month begins amid Mercury retrograde, and Mercury retros are always a little closer to home for you with Mercury being your ruling planet. This Mercury retrograde is a little more impactful, however, as Mars is currently retrograde in Gemini as well. With the energy of reflection flowing through your world this month, there is a need to consider all options and really define what you want to create in your life.
On January 12th, Mars in Gemini goes direct after being retrograde since October 2022 and Mercury goes direct on January 18th. This is a major win for Geminis, as the pressure is lifted off your shoulders. Mars retrograde made the plan ahead feel more confusing than you wanted it to be, and the lack of energy this transit brought was difficult to move through. Now that you are in direct motion, you are ready for some dreams to come to fruition, and your mind is looking ahead with hope and strength.
What’s in Store for Cancer in January 2023
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is all about maintaining a clear vision, and about putting your manifestation gifts to use, Cancer. This is a month of everything coming together one by one, and about you feeling confident about what is unfolding for you this month. You have your eyes on the prize, and you are headed in the right direction right now. January is here to show you that anything is possible with the right mindset, heart, and belief in yourself.
The Full Moon this month is happening on January 6th, and it is occurring in your sign. A Cancer Full Moon is always more emotional than most, and this is the time of the month to let go of any emotional baggage you have been carrying and allow healing to take place. This Full Moon is closing out one chapter, and you are preparing and lining everything up for a new one. January is a month of moving forward, moving on, and taking your dreams seriously, Cancer.
What’s in Store for Leo in January 2023
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleAbundance is yours to claim this month, Leo. January is a month of good fortune, love, and a time of paving a new path forward for yourself. You have a lot of opportunities for success this month, and blessings are falling into your lap. The seeds and intentions you have been planting in your life are blooming as the new year begins, and you are soaking in all the magic that surrounds you.
The financial abundance you are seeing this month is only one part of the story, as love and your relationships are also seeing positive growth in January. With the Sun moving into your opposite sign Aquarius on January 20th, and a New Moon here the next day, you are seeing new beginnings in love as the month ends. You are turning the page from a time of feeling like you have to do everything yourself and you can’t rely on others, into a time where you are feeling that support, connection, and emotional stability in your life.
What’s in Store for Virgo in January 2023
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is your time to heal, Virgo. Your heart needs recovery time, and this month is your month to emotionally process, accept, and move into a new day. There is an energy with you this month of taking into account what has happened over the past few months and taking the time to release the heaviness and pain of the past. You are getting the opportunity to move into a new direction in January, however, leaving behind the old isn’t as easy as you thought it would be. Take as much time as you need this month, and allow what’s meant to be, be.
With your ruling planet Mercury, retrograde in your 5th house of romance, creativity, and happiness this month, there is a need to reflect on happiness and what that truly means to you. Do your vices serve you or do they harm you? Do the people around you reflect the love you feel or want to see in your life? Once Mercury goes direct on January 18th, you feel a breath of fresh air, and all the emotional heaviness you have been feeling begins to ease. January is overall a month of healing and growth for you, Virgo.
What’s in Store for Libra in January 2023
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleFortune is on your side this month, Libra. January is a month of positive change, blessings, and moving into a new beginning. The grace you have shown yourself and others through all of the changes you have been through is showing fruition this month, and you are receiving the benefits of this patience. January is all about remaining flexible and open to change and riding the wave of abundance and positivity.
Mars officially moves out of retrograde and goes direct this month, and this is good news for you when it comes to travel, adventure, education, and spiritual pursuits. Look out for opportunities for a vacation this month. The New Moon on January 21st is occurring in fellow air sign Aquarius, and this New Moon is bringing a new beginning for your heart. This New Moon is here to fulfill some dreams of happiness, love, and connection; and self-expression is key right now. Overall, January is about moving into a new chapter of your life with ease.
What’s in Store for Scorpio in January 2023
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is a month of getting inspired, Scorpio. You are thinking a lot about the future this month and where you are headed right now, and your perspective is everything in January. The inspiration you are feeling this month is creating a new vision for your future, and you are ready to redefine what you want to put your energy into and focus on. The sky's the limit for you Scorpio, and this is a month of truly believing in yourself and taking those intentional steps toward your dreams and goals.
The Full Moon occurring in fellow water sign Cancer on January 6th brings things full circle when it comes to your beliefs, perspective, and spiritual journey. You are taking note of what adventures in life you’ve followed through on, and what spaces and people you would still like to connect with. Venus enters your 5th house of romance on January 26th before the month ends, and love is on your side moving into February. Your heart is in a good place this month, and there is a lot of excitement in the air for you in January.
What’s in Store for Sagittarius in January 2023
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleConnect with your inner strength, Sagittarius. Patience is everything this month, and your courage will help you maintain that. January is a time of letting things unfold without forcing the outcome. Hold your vision of what you want to see come to fruition, but don’t let changes to plans and circumstances out of your control waver your self-confidence. The more you can hold your ground and trust the process, the better this month will be.
January is a month of preparation for you, Sagittarius. This isn’t the most action-packed month for you and that is because you need time to gain strength, prepare, and envision what you want to see play out this year. The passion is there, but you need more time to figure out where you want to be and who you want to be there with. The New Moon occurring on January 21st is a time when you are getting the clarity you have been looking for, and connections are being made.
What’s in Store for Capricorn in January 2023
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe spotlight is on you this month, Capricorn. Capricorn Season is fully underway, and there is a lot to process this month. The month begins with Mercury in Retrograde in your sign, and there is a need to have more patience when it comes to your communications with others, and to try to find your middle ground here. Not everyone may agree or see your perspective, but it’s important to maintain an open mind and trust that what is for you will feel right. January is your time to shine and to allow space for others to shine in their way too.
The Full Moon in Cancer on January 6th is a good time to let go of any relationship drama or challenges you have been having and to make space for new growth. You are closing out one chapter of life and moving into one that feels closer to love and connection. Once Mercury goes direct on January 18th, any challenges you have been having with others begin to subside, and an olive branch is given. The goal this month is self-acceptance, love, and working on building the relationships in your life rather than challenging them.
What’s in Store for Aquarius in January 2023
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are moving forward freely in January, Aquarius. January is a month of success, positive recognition, and achievement. You are moving into the new year full speed ahead, and you are ready to claim your victories. The support you have been looking for is coming into your life this month, and you have a lot to be grateful for in January. This is your month to put yourself out there, be confident, and lead the way forward for others. With Venus entering your sign on January 2nd as the month begins, you are moving into the month with love on your side.
More energy begins to move into Aquarius in the second half of the month as Aquarius Season begins on January 20th, and there is a New Moon in Aquarius the very next day on January 21st as well. With the Sun officially moving into Aquarius this month, the vision becomes clear, and the community around you is highlighted. The end of the month is a good time to connect with others, give help where needed, and work together with the people around you to create something beautiful.
What’s in Store for Pisces in January 2023
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleLife comes full circle, and blessings are falling into your lap, Pisces. January is a month of feeling like you have everything you need in your life, and like there is enough love to go around. You have an upper hand this month and it’s your faith in yourself and the universe that has got you here. You know that everything happens for a reason and what’s yours won’t pass you by, and you are feeling this knowing strongly this month.
January begins with a Full Moon in fellow water sign Cancer on January 6th, and this Full Moon is occurring in a zone that directly connects to the heart. Your heart is seeing clearly in January, and you like what you are seeing right now. Allow yourself to be loved the way you deserve to be, and trust that this love is here to stay. Before the month ends Venus enters Pisces, and relationship growth takes place. Venus in your sign makes everyone a little more emotional than usual, and you are leaving the month feeling seen, heard, and understood.
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Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
'It's Not All In Your Head': How Four Black Women Finally Got The Answers They Needed About Fibroids
If someone had told me I’d be working toward my third fibroid surgery in less than six years, I would have had a hard time believing them. First, because obviously, no one wants to ever hear the word "surgery" (unless it’s cosmetic surgery you’re opting for). But the more significant reason is I’d never heard any of the women in my life talk about fibroids, so the idea of having all of the complex issues because of them, on top of surgeries, was truly a foreign concept.
After my doctor told me I’d need a second surgery in March of 2023—a hysteroscopic myomectomy—after bleeding every day for over six months, I was over it. Not just over the symptoms. But I was done feeling siloed on an island dealing with the pain, feeling tired all the time, and the heaviness of what felt like endless trips to the doctor for ultrasounds, blood transfusions, blood count checks, MRIs, etc.
I would try to explain what I was feeling, and my pain was written off because I guess period pain is just supposed to be normal. I’m here to tell you it is not. And because we’ve been conditioned to just deal, that’s the way things should stay. Yeah, no.
What is a hysteroscopic myomectomy? Hysteroscopic myomectomy is the most minimally invasive procedure to treat fibroids. A surgeon removes fibroids by inserting a hysteroscope into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix.
So, I wrote and directed an animated short film to bring educational and entertainment value to helping the world learn about fibroids. With $25,000 of my own money, I went forth and made the film titled Super High: A Period Piece. Now, it’s making its rounds on the festival circuit, even gaining entry into two Oscar-qualifying festivals: the Chicago International Film Festival and the New Orleans Film Festival. We even won Best Narrative Short at the Morehouse Human Rights Film Festival in Atlanta.
As I was venturing onto the festival circuit, my editor asked me to write a piece highlighting the experiences of Black women with fibroids. Initially, I planned to highlight up to 15 stories. However, as I started working on this story, I thought hearing the experiences more in-depth would be equally impactful. So, we chatted with four women about their fibroid journeys.
The one thing we all had in common, which made me sad but also made me feel seen, was that none of us knew much about them beforehand. However, our willingness to openly share our stories will hopefully change that for many women now and beyond.
Keep reading for four women’s stories about their journey with fibroids.
Rosco Spears, artist and creative director
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them?
Before my journey with fibroids, I didn't know much about them. I'd never heard of fibroids until women around me started getting diagnosed. I was dealing with heavy, painful periods long before I was privy to any of these diagnoses.
Shortly before I was officially diagnosed with having fibroids (2012), I learned that my sister and other women in my family also had fibroids. As I've grown older, I've learned that my three sisters, many cousins, aunts, etc, have also had fibroids. It's simply an issue that was never discussed.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
I found out that I had fibroids while living in NYC. I was fed up with the pain and discomfort from my period, so I shopped around until I got an answer that I thought made sense. I met a wonderful woman doctor who finally diagnosed me, and she offered me several options for easing the discomfort. During this time, I would often bleed between periods.
In 2013, one of my "in-between" moments was more than the spotting that I was used to, so I took myself to the emergency [room]. I learned that my hemoglobin [levels] were at seven, and the doctors wouldn't let me leave the hospital without getting a blood transfusion. They also highly recommended that I get surgery to remove the fibroids. Once I officially got the diagnosis, it was scary, but it also felt amazing to know that I could begin planning a path forward.
What are hemoglobin levels? To ensure adequate tissue oxygenation—a very important complex dance between the lungs, blood, and cardiovascular system—a sufficient hemoglobin level has to be maintained. The normal Hb level for women is 12 to 16 g/dl. Low hemoglobin levels mean your body isn’t getting enough oxygen, which is why you feel very tired and weak.
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
I've had two abdominal myomectomies, one in 2013 (16 fibroids were removed) and another in 2020 (51 fibroids were removed). I was nervous about the idea of being cut open during the myomectomy, but I didn't think that the outcome could be any worse than the pain that I was already dealing with. Both surgeries went just as planned (aside from the 2nd surgery being rescheduled due to COVID-19), and my recovery from both was amazing.
In 2013, I was a bit unhinged. I went location scouting for a photo shoot for The Lip Bar three days after I got home from the hospital. My family was very upset, but I honestly felt fine. I had some abdominal pain, but within two weeks, I was back in the studio on my feet all day. After my second surgery, the plan was to try and have a child shortly after recovery. I took my time with healing and did things according to the book.
What is a myomectomy? A myomectomy is surgery to remove uterine fibroids. There are several types of myomectomies, but the procedure you and your doctor decide is right for you will depend on factors like location, number, and size of your fibroids.
How did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
I felt/feel amazing post-treatment! For about 2-3 years after both surgeries, my periods were much lighter, and the pain was light [and] much more bearable than it was with the fibroids. My quality of life is much different post-surgery.
There have been years [when] I simply did not have any energy while I was on my period. The most I could do was get up to go to the bathroom and get right back in bed. Or I'd have to carry a change of clothes with me when traveling to work because I couldn't afford to take off during my period, but I knew that at some point, I would bleed through everything. So, in that regard, life is beautiful. I'm no longer passing out, nor do I feel the need to bring an extra set of pants along on the ride.
While my quality of life has improved tremendously, I often joke and say that I have PTSD from having bad periods. What I mean is that I still check my pants often when I'm on my period. And I still get anxiety if I'm in public and I'm on day two or three of my period because who knows if it is just a little blood that I feel coming down or it's a huge clot that's going to ruin my pants. And I still know better than to try and wash my hair on my heavy days because there isn't enough energy to do both.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
You got this, sis! It's a difficult journey, but please seek advice from other women on the journey. If one doctor is not giving you sufficient information, find a new doctor. Make sure you're exploring all of the options for fibroid removal/shrinking treatments [because] it is not one size fits all. And take your iron supplements, boo.
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
Oh God, if I could pay women to share their fibroid stories, I would. It's imperative that we talk with one another about our experiences in health. I shared my fibroid story years ago because I was so lost when I was on my journey. One of my sisters had the surgery before I did, but other than her, I didn't have anyone to talk to about fibroids.
I felt very alone, isolated, and somewhat embarrassed because it felt like this wasn't happening to anyone else around me. It makes a world of difference when you can talk with someone about an issue they are also facing. We will learn a lot more by discussing shared experiences—much of which you cannot learn from talking to your doctor or Google.
La-Anna Douglas, women’s advocate and motivational speaker
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them?
Being someone who started my period at the age of 10, I was in the dark when it pertained to fibroids and other reproductive health issues. I had never heard of fibroids, and I didn’t know that the pain I was experiencing, along with fertility delays, was because of the fibroids sitting in between my two uteruses. The pelvic pain, excruciating periods, fatigue, and protruding belly to someone else would have been a dead giveaway. But I had no idea what was going on with my body. I also did not know of anyone in my family dealing with fibroids.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
I was diagnosed with fibroids by a reproductive endocrinologist [and] was finally properly diagnosed after suffering for 16 years. I finally found a doctor willing to listen to my concerns and, most of all, believed that I wasn’t making it up. She scheduled me for a thorough examination, and I was soon scheduled for laparoscopic surgery. I was diagnosed with three fibroids, endometriosis, and a uterus didelphys (two uteruses and two cervixes).
Uterus didelphys is a rare congenital condition where you're born with two uteruses. It's commonly called a double uterus.
Again, I was misdiagnosed for years, and my pain was minimized. I was labeled as the girl with bad periods. I would have cramps for 3-4 days on my left side of my belly and then cramps for 3-4 days on my right. In actuality, I was having two periods from two different uteruses with three fibroids pressing on my wombs with endometriosis wrapped around my fallopian tubes and my uterus. When I heard all of the different diagnoses, I was angry, overwhelmed, scared, and confused. But the worst thing is that I was unprepared mentally and emotionally for the diagnosis and the journey ahead.
"I was misdiagnosed for years, and my pain was minimized. I was labeled as the girl with bad periods. In actuality, I was having two periods from two different uteruses with three fibroids pressing on my wombs with endometriosis wrapped around my fallopian tubes and my uterus."
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
I was told not to worry about removing the fibroids surgically after being diagnosed in my 20s back in 2008. But in 2020, during the pandemic, my pain started to escalate again. So, I was scheduled for an ultrasound, an MRI, and then a double-balloon procedure. I was told that my fibroids had grown and they were contributing to the secondary infertility I was experiencing. My doctor gave me two options. Would I rather have a hysterectomy?
I had already gone through 30 years of horrible periods, eight years of infertility [and] finally having a miracle baby in 2013 by God’s grace, and I had already gone through multiple procedures. Or I could do the robotic laparoscopic myomectomy, where they would remove the fibroids and open my two cervixes by also doing a hysteroscopy. At first, [I] wanted to do a hysterectomy, but [after] talking to my family and praying about it, I decided on having the robotic laparoscopic myomectomy. I was a little nervous but knew I was in good hands.
What is a laparoscopic myomectomy? A laparoscopic myomectomy is a minimally invasive procedure to remove uterine fibroids. A surgeon makes four tiny incisions in your abdomen and then uses a laparoscope, which is a special instrument that contains a light and video camera, to operate through the incisions.
How did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
Post-treatment, I felt relieved and grateful. The healing journey was okay. I had a lot of support from my family, especially my husband. After the healing, [I am] loving on my body because the many scars on my belly are my beauty marks. I started to get more confident in who I was. The doctor who did the robotic laparoscopic myomectomy believed that I would get pregnant again.
Well, six months after the surgery, I became pregnant with our second miracle baby girl after eight years of secondary infertility at the age of 40. And to think, [had] I decided on the hysterectomy, she would not be here. Our surprise baby has brought so much happiness to our family.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
For anyone just beginning their fibroid journey, my advice would be to advocate for yourself no matter what the diagnosis may be. Your voice matters, and you control your narrative. If the doctor is not listening to you or your concerns, you have every right to seek a second, third, fourth, or as many opinions as you wish until you are heard and properly cared for. KNOW YOUR WORTH!
[And,] to always love on yourself through the journey with fibroids and anything else you may be going through. YOU ARE ENOUGH. The physical scars and the invisible scars are your beauty marks. And share with others how you are feeling and what you are going through. Please do not suffer in silence!
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
It is so important that we share our journey with fibroids because there is power in supportive stories. We all must realize that we are not alone. There are so many of us who have similar situations going on or may be feeling the same feelings you may be feeling.
Sharing your story also helps to heal those hurts that happen on the road to diagnosis. Healing taps into the strength that has been lying dormant inside of us, and when that strength is ignited, there is nothing that can stop you from advocating for yourself and others who begin to share their stories with you.
Dawn Heels, award-winning fibroid advocate and campaigner
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them?
I knew absolutely nothing about fibroids apart from the fact that my mum had one (she found out when she was pregnant with me), but even with this information, she didn't know anything about them.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
I had always suffered [from] extremely heavy, painful periods. I thought [this] was normal, [so] I didn't link it to the fact that something could be wrong with me. I first discovered I had fibroids after experiencing constant pain in the left-hand side of my abdomen in 2016. During an ultrasound scan, I was told I had 2 x 4 cm fibroids by the sonographer.
Two types of ultrasound scan can be used to help diagnose fibroids: an abdominal ultrasound scan – where the ultrasound probe is moved over the outside of your tummy (abdomen) a transvaginal ultrasound scan – where a small ultrasound probe is inserted into your vagina.
I hadn’t a clue what they were, and when I went back to see my doctor, he told me that I had nothing to worry about because fibroids were common, normal, and I should deal with any pain with a hot water bottle and ibuprofen. And because he told me I had nothing to worry about, at that moment, I didn’t worry.
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
Over the next six years, my pain and suffering got worse. I displayed horrendous fibroid symptoms: bum cheek pain, leg pain, painful, heavy, clotty periods, lower back pain, extreme pain, abdominal/pelvic pain, early pregnancy symptoms, tiredness, ‘preggo belly,’ painful sex, long periods and was infertile. I finally saw a consultant who changed my life, as he was the first person to listen to me and put a plan in place.
"He transvaginally scanned me and told me I actually had at least six fibroids, the biggest being the size of a grapefruit, and with that, I would have to have an open myomectomy."
He transvaginally scanned me and told me I actually had at least six fibroids, the biggest being the size of a grapefruit, and with that, I would have to have an open myomectomy. I cried so many tears because I thought if I was to ever have an operation that resembled the C-section, I would be giving birth to a baby, not tumors! The operation was a success, and he removed 16 fibroids and left 2 in to give me a chance at conceiving. I lost a lot of blood and had an emergency blood transfusion one week later.
After eight weeks of healing, I started to feel much better.
How did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
The open myomectomy gave me my life back—a good quality of life. I wasn’t in pain anymore. My periods were shorter and significantly lighter, and best of all, I fell pregnant six months after surgery!
What is an open myomectomy? An abdominal, or open, myomectomy removes fibroids through an incision in the abdomen, typically on the bikini line. The recovery time generally lasts up to six weeks.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
Educate yourself on the condition so you can guide the conversation and ask relevant questions when going into your consultations. Advocate for yourself, too! Too many of us will just agree to all sorts of nonsense just because the medical professional says so! You are the expert over your own body, so speak up!
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
I became an ‘accidental’ advocate because I shared my story. My inbox was inundated with messages from other ladies who had suffered or were currently suffering. That’s how powerful a share is.
Camille Austin, model and content creator
Before your journey with fibroids, did you know much about them? For example, did you know what symptoms to look out for?
I did not know much, if not anything at all. So, I did not know what symptoms to look out for.
Did you know if anyone in your family had ever dealt with them?
Yes, my mother, but she was already going through menopause, so our symptoms did not seem comparable.
How did you find out you had fibroids?
[I went] to my primary care physician, who is also a WOC. She performed a pelvic exam, and when I told her about all of my symptoms, she thought it was fibroids. It took a while and [was] frankly [an] annoying process to finally get to an MRI where they found three fibroids, one the size of 15cm.
And how did you feel once you got the official diagnosis?
I felt relieved and scared—scared about what this meant about my fertility. [But,] relieved that I had answers and I was going to get better.
If you're comfortable, we'd love to hear about your treatment. Did things go as planned? Were you nervous about what your doctor suggested?
I had to have surgery due to the size [of my fibroid.] I had an open and laparoscopic procedure done and was on the table for eight hours. I did not initially trust my surgeon as she wanted to jump straight into a hysterectomy. Common practice says that the only way to stop them from ever coming back is through a hysterectomy, which I find to be a bit extreme. To me, it sounds like it's just under-researched, and not enough efforts are being made because this largely impacts WOC, but I digress.
"My surgeon thought because I'm so young, healthy, and strong, she did not put me on a hospital list, which gives another doctor the ability to treat me overnight should something happen. Well, something happened."
My surgeon thought because I'm so young, healthy, and strong, she did not put me on a hospital list, which gives another doctor the ability to treat me overnight should something happen. Well, something happened. I found out I'm allergic to Dilaudid (a common pain med). I broke out and had a third-degree chemical burn around my stomach from the adhesive, and my skin completely broke out. There was not a doctor available to give me even so much as a Benadryl to ease the discomfort. Nurses can't prescribe meds.
It wasn't until I threatened to leave the hospital—I got up and packed my bags—that I received a pink Benadryl pill after waiting for about 6 hours. About a week after I got home, I broke into a fever and was septic. I was rushed back to the hospital and had to spend an additional four days. In short, the healing process did not go according to plan.
After your difficult hospital experience and healing journey, how did you feel post-treatment? How has getting treatment changed your quality of life?
After treatment, I felt so much better after everything was said and done. I would still get the surgery if I had to do it again. When I eventually healed, my periods were shorter. I could fit my clothes again, and I just had more energy to do things since I was not as anemic.
For someone just starting their fibroid journey, what are two pieces of advice you'd give them?
[First,] push for that MRI sooner than later. If you catch them when they are small, you can look into non-invasive ways to get rid of them.
Make sure your doctor has a hospital list, and ask who will be in charge of taking care of you when your doctor is not around.
What does an MRI mean for fibroids? An MRI uses a magnetic field and radio waves to create computerized, 3D images of the uterus. These images can help your doctor decide which treatment is best for you and rule out other issues like adenomyosis and endometriosis.
How important do you think it is for us to share our fibroid stories with each other and talk about this openly?
I think it's important because we can all learn from each other, and this is not just becoming a "woman over 30" problem. According to my doctors, I was far too young, and due to my age, this was something that went unnoticed. Frankly, it should not have been a far stretch because I have fibroids in my breast tissue as well, but somehow, no correlation has been made.
So we have to press the issue, so hopefully, we can look into why this is happening to so many women and not allow a hysterectomy to be the first response.
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Are You Craving A Past Sex Partner Out Of Nowhere? It Could Be Your 'Sex Clock.'
Semi-recently, while talking to a client about why they were semi-dreading the fall season, it reminded me of something that a former sex partner of mine once told me. I’ll start with what my client said first. “Shellie, I don’t know what it is about the fall, but I can go the whole year without thinking about [so-and-so], and then, suddenly, November hits and I’m horny as hell — not just for anyone but him. It’s crazy!"
Eh. Maybe. Maybe not. I say that because…peep what my ex-sex buddy used to tell me when he would find himself doing his own version of “Hey Big Head”, in text form to me, every October for about five years or so. “Everyone has a sex clock. There are some people who stand out to you sexually who you definitely find yourself craving around the same time of year that you started having sex with them. People don’t talk about it but it’s real.”
Now as far as how “common” it is, I’m not exactly sure. However, what I will say is that whenever I happen to share this concept with other individuals (clients included), 8 times outta 10, I basically get the same type of response. First, they look at me like I’m crazy, then they pause and reflect and then their mouth opens wide as if in shock that my sex-ex just may be onto something…BIG.
Now before we get into all of this, I’ll let you know, off the rip, that I can’t find an exact science to back his theory up specifically.
At the same time, though, there is other types of data surrounding the topic of sex and what it does to our minds that could cause you to believe that he’s not totally off base in thinking that a “sex clock” just might be an actual thing; that it’s something that hell, he should at do a Ted Talk — or YouTube video or Instagram Live — about so that more folks won’t think that they are going low-key insane should it happen to them.
Ah, sex clocks. Let me explain further.
This Is How Sex Affects Your Memory
GiphyIn order to lay some foundation here, let’s first talk about how sex affects your memory, in general. For starters, did you know that vagina-penis intercourse has actually been proven to improve both your learning capabilities as well as your memory (it also decreases anxiety and depression)? Probably the easiest way to explain how and why is when you engage in this type of sexual intimacy, it strengthens your hippocampus which is the part of your brain that is not only responsible for learning and memory but how you process emotions too. Okay, so intercourse between a man and a woman boosts memory power and also taps into one’s emotions. Bookmark that.
HuffPost published an article several years back entitled, “Sex And The Memory of Sexual Experience.” Two things that the article said was “Researchers are seeing that certain areas of the brain light up depending on the thoughts, actions and experiences of a person” and “The rush of 'love' chemicals; dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, opiates and other neurotransmitters, fill our body and brain quickly to produce the incredible feelings of love and attachment…” to the point where, if the action (in this case sex) happens several times, it can actually “codify” (makes plans or arrangements) your brain — and stays there.
Once that transpires, “our memories dictate how we will feel about a similar situation because our brain and body is coded from past experience.”
Now, if your brain can “code” the experience, don’t you think that it can also “code” the time when you were first introduced to the experience? Let’s keep going.
The Impact That Nostalgia Has on Your Sex Life
GiphyAh, nostalgia. If there’s one thing that is underestimated, far more than it ever should be when it comes to relationships, it’s that. In fact, I was recently in a counseling session with an engaged couple who happen to be each other’s first love.
What they are working through right now is if the potency of being each other’s first love is enough to get them through just how much they’ve changed since they first dated one another (chile, I totally get it; check out “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”). A part of the reason why it’s hard for them to process all of this clearly is because of the power of what nostalgia can actually do to a person.
Case in point. Although nostalgia — you know, reflecting on the past — can create warm fuzzies (if what happened in the past is good), it’s also the ultimate “editor” in the sense that, if you’re not careful, it can put you intoa state of denial about the entire experience. Not only that butnostalgia can get you to idealize situations too.
I totally get this because the guy who introduced me to the whole sex clock idea, although sex with him was pretty good (at least most of the time) and he actually was my first as far as certain types of sexual…umm…things…LOL, overall, he kind of was an ass yet because my memories of him would go to how he made me feel sexually first, whenever those texts would come, that would be the initial thing that I would think about — and if I did indulge him, it wasn’t until after a couple of weeks (or months) of copulation, with him, AGAIN, that I’d realize…”Ohhh, this is why I stopped sleeping with your ass…because you are an ass.” (Not mean or anything like that, just…selfish AF.)
Anyway, if you can relate on any level to what I’m saying here, just like the nostalgic memories of Thanksgiving or Christmas can do a real number on you every time the holiday season rolls around, why couldn’t the same thing happen if you recall the time of year when you had some amazing sex with someone and that month or season creeps back around too?
Yep. Bookmark all of this as well as we keep on going.Yes, Other Factors Play a Role in Your Peak Desires for Sex
GiphyIf you add to all of what I’ve already stated, the power of sexual chemistry — whew, chile. Definitely a part of the reason why some people tend to have a bigger sexual impact on us than others typically starts with sexual chemistry because that is all about the immediate physical attraction that you feel towards someone else — and that can’t be faked nor does it happen with just anyone.
Shoot, even when I reflect on my sexual past now, although I had pretty satisfying sex with about 75 percent of my partners, there are some who, to this day, are able to bring a certain smile to my face that others do not — and it’s because of the magnetic connection we shared and yes, having a deep mutual attraction definitely played a huge role in that.
If you then factor in the hormone levels/sex drive that you had at the time of engaging someone who you had a strong sexual connection with (for instance, if it’s someone from your 20s when most folks’ hormones are absolutely raging), the type of relationship that you had with that individual (for example, even if you weren’t officially together, they still made you laugh or feel safe or impacted you in a way that others didn’t or haven’t) and even if you take into account some of the other monumental things that may have been transpiring in your life at the time when you were being intimate with them.
Again, doesn’t it make sense that around the time when they first entered your world, sexually, your mind, body, and spirit may go back there and relive it all on some level, every time that time of year rolls around? Even if it’s just for a brief moment?
At Least Consider the Idea of a “Sex Clock” Before Taking Action
GiphyHmph. With all that has been covered, suddenly a “sex clock” makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, even I will say that what’s truly wild about all of this is? Y’all, although the guy who brought it into my own psyche and I are pretty cool to this day, it’s been over two decades since we’ve messed around, and yet — a part of what caused me to even pitch this topic is because I thought about fall, how October is my favorite month of the year and yep, for a moment, he came to mind. Why? Because we started having sex in October. That damn sex clock.
So, when it comes to your own sex clock, just what should you do with this kind of information? I mean, you know how the saying goes: an ounce of prevention is certainly worth a pound of cure. Keeping that in mind, if you consider that memories, nostalgia, sexual chemistry, and your hormones are all science-based reasons to “crave” a blast from your past (pun intended and not intended), then when…whoever he is comes to your mind, now there is no need to overthink it or stress out about it. Maybe it’s just your sex clock alarm going off.
Acknowledge it. Woosah through it. And really ponder if replying to that text or DM is actually worth it.
Because sometimes alarms remind us to do something.
Other times? They warn us to wake up.
Especially when a (so-called) sex clock is involved, chile.
Feel me? Now, more than ever…I bet you do.
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