How I Risked It All And Moved To Atlanta 3 Times To Jump Start My Career As An Actress
Whenever I share my story I always tell people that taking a leap of faith is not easy, but it's worth it.
I started my journey when I was about 20-years-old. Growing up I always knew in my heart that I wanted to be a star and to be in the entertainment industry. I've always been passionate about modeling and acting, and I was willing to take whatever risks necessary to make my dream happen.
Right before I turned 21, I left my hometown of Milwaukee, WI for the first time and went to Atlanta to attend a two-day acting workshop taught by celebrity actress Tasha Smith. I had the opportunity to speak with her after writing her on Twitter back in August 2012, and she told me that Atlanta was one of the best places for me to be at that time due to it being one of the top filmmaking cities in the country. So instead of returning home, I decided to stay with my cousin and her boyfriend. I didn't know anything about the city, nor did I know anyone who lived there. I didn't have a car and I was unfamiliar with the public transportation system, but I continued to be brave and walked into the unfamiliar. However, I couldn't get a job and was running out of money, and after a month or two of living with my cousin and her intimidating boyfriend, I left and went back to Milwaukee to come up with a different plan to get back to Atlanta in hopes of furthering my career.
After about a year, I saved up some money and made my second attempt at relocating. I worked two, sometimes three, retail jobs in the mall, and I saved my tax return, so before the year was up I left again! Again my money ran low and I couldn't find a decent paying job, and I was tired of living with people and not having my own, so once again I headed back to my hometown, only this time I had no idea how I was going to attempt this again.
Feeling hurt, defeated, and embarrassed I found myself back in the city I hated and desperately wanted to get out of. Milwaukee isn't the kind of place you're proud to say you're from. I've always wanted to get out. I almost had a baby when I was 19, but miscarried three months in. I knew that if I didn't get out I'd either be dead or become a baby mama, which just wasn't in the cards for me.
I remember the day before I miscarried I was working at Red Lobster at the time, and when I went home America's Next Top Model was on. I look up to Tyra Banks so much--she has always been a role model for me. I wanted to be on that show so bad I could taste it. I even tried out a few times. On this day I was watching the show and sitting in bed and tears just started falling down my face, and I prayed and said, “God this is not the life I imagined. I can not handle a baby right now. I really want to live my dreams." The very next day I went in to work and after a few hours into my shift I started feeling sick and was having stomach pains so they let me leave work early. I got home and told my mom I had been spotting, so she drove me to the hospital. They did an ultra sound and I had tests done, but they could not find my baby's heartbeat. About six hours or so later, two doctors walked in to tell my mom and I that the baby didn't make it. That was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with and I went through it without the father of my child, but that was a defining moment for me. I knew that the prayer I said the day before reached Him. It took me about a year to fully come to terms with the loss, but as I grew older I realized God gave me a second chance. He heard my prayer and at that moment I became a woman with a much higher purpose; I wouldn't make that same mistake again.
After returning home for the second time I was mentally drained, but I had a friend who I met on my first attempt to Atlanta at an audition for MTV's My super sweet 21 with LA' Reid's son, Aaron Reid, who was casting models to work his party. She, too, was an aspiring model and actress looking to find her way, and she reminded me so much of myself. From that moment on we became friends. She was the first friend I had made in Atlanta and was a source of encouragement even after I moved back home. She would call me and pray with me over the phone, and one day she told me four words that I will never forget.
“STEP OUT ON FAITH."
With Emmy award-winning casting director Robi Reed
With that in mind I made a third attempt at relocating, and I told myself if it doesn't work this time then it's just not meant to be. I jumped on the Greyhound and took the ride was 22 hour ride back to Atlanta, and the whole way I kept telling myself, “God I trust you." I had a few hundred bucks, no place to stay and no job. How the heck was I going to pull this off?
Once I got to Atlanta, my friend and her mom picked me up from the bus station and we headed to Lenox Mall. I had about 100 resumes printed and ready to go, and by the grace of God I was offered a job that day. After getting settled, months later I signed up with a casting agency who would send me small roles and auditions and some background work since I had never acted before. Over the last four years I have been taking classes, auditing workshops, and trying to stay involved in the industry. My first role I booked was with Vampire Diaries, where I played a waitress in a diner scene. I didn't have any lines, but I was excited about it!
On the set of "Sleepless Night" with Jamie Foxx
Shortly after I was booked for a few episodes of Tyler Perry's The Have and The Have Nots, as well as the film SELMA. I had the pleasure of working with director and producer Ava Duvernay every day for a month. She was so friendly. and although I didn't have a huge role, she made everyone feel equally important to the film and our history.
This past summer I was also blessed to work Jamie Foxx, who was so humble and funny.
I never thought that just from having a mustard seed of faith it would bring me to work with all these amazing directors and actors that I grew up watching my entire life.
Despite all the adversity I faced losing my baby at three months, being evicted from my home due to hard times between auditioning, and having to work jobs that just weren't paying enough to make it on my own, I AM STILL STANDING.
Stepping out on faith changed my life. I've done so many things I am proud of, even things I am scared of with the little that I was given due to those four strong powerful words.
[Tweet "Don't be afraid to trust God with your little, because he can turn your little into a lot!"]
I hope that this will encourage and inspire others to go chase their dreams. You will never save the money you'd like, and it will never be the perfect time, you just have to go for it. It's by far the best thing I have ever done in my life, so start where you are!
Have you ever took a step of faith that paid off? Share below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images