

The stuff you find on the internet, boy. While I'm sure that it comes as no surprise to a lot of you, so this probably goes without saying, a lot of people are not exactly besties with their in-laws. In fact, a survey that was featured in Real Simple's article, "This Is How Often Parents-in-Law Should Visit, According to Married Couples" cited that (catch this) 47 percent of in-laws considered themselves to get along extremely well with their child's spouse while only 27 percent of couples agreed (see, there's already a breakdown in communication right there). What's even bigger than that is a whopping 70 percent of couples said that the in-law dynamic has played a major role when it comes to the stress and strain that they've experienced within their marriage (chile…CHILE).
Because this is something that I hear quite a bit whenever I'm listening to married folks share the points of frustration that they have with their own partner's family members and because I also know that the holiday season is typically the time when having up close and personal dealings with in-laws is almost unavoidable, I thought it might help to ask five husbands and five wives in my world (middle names only) to share with me some of the things about their in-laws that get under their skin, along with what their workaround is, so that their can truly be peace on earth and goodwill towards men — until the holidays are over.
Lenae. 36. Married 7 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: An Overbearing Mother-in-Law
"I know how cliché it sounds to have a controlling mother-in-law. Mine comes with a twist, though. We get along really well. Problem is, we're both big on special occasions and want things to go the way we envision them, and rarely do we have the same vision. Since Thanksgiving is a bigger deal to me and Christmas is a bigger deal to her, we try and get her to come for the first holiday."
"My husband spoke with her about four years ago about how she needs to act like a guest and not a host when she comes to visit, so I will discuss with her ahead of time about what she'd like to do and give her the floor on what we agree on. Whenever we're at her house for Christmas, she tries — emphasis on tries — to return the favor, so it generally works out for the good."
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Milos. 40. Married 10 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: Traditional In-Laws When I'm Non-Traditional
"If you're single and reading this, hear me when I say that it's the little things that can destroy a marriage. I love my wife, but I really did underestimate how much traditions matter to her until after we got married. While I couldn't care less about any holiday, she's like on crack about them. All of them. So are her parents. They want to watch the Macy's Day Parade. They want to string popcorn on the tree. They want to watch holiday films for hours on end. I used to get irritated about it being on-10 in my house. Now, I just accept that it's only once a year, so long as they don't try and force me to do things that I don't want to do in my own house…what's a couple of Hallmark movies and a big ass tree gonna hurt?"
Jasmine. 29. Married 3 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: "Disrespectful" Grandparent In-Laws
"When you're the grandchild, having grandparents who spoil you is cute. When you're the parent who has to deprogram the mess that your in-laws made after being with you for a week, it's pretty frustrating. Take gifts, for instance. My husband and I don't like our kids having a ton of stuff. Meanwhile, our parents couldn't care less. His mom is super dismissive in this way, so what I've learned to do is just graciously accept what she sends but not give my kids everything at once. Sometimes, they don't receive some of her presents until after Valentine's Day — and I'm totally fine with that."
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Osborne. 25. Married 1 Year.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: In-Laws Who Refuse to Leave Their Home
"I'm so glad you're going with middle names because when I tell you that no one represents what it means to wear out your welcome like my mother-in-law does? F — k. Because my wife lived at home until we got married and her mother is newly retired, she tries to see us, damn, it feels like every other month — and not for a long weekend either. This will actually be our second holiday [season] as a married couple and what I've requested of my wife is to let her mother know, ahead of time, that she is welcome to come for Christmas and stay through New Year's Eve but New Year's is our time."
"According to her, her mom is fine with it. I've kind've learned that when you set the boundaries on the front end, you don't get blindsided as much on the back. And what if she dismisses my request? Well, we'll have to talk about visits being shorter, moving forward. My wife agrees with this strategy. As long as you and your spouse are on the same page, everyone else will just have to…adjust."
Mercedes. 42. Married 8 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: Super Horny In-Laws
"Laugh if you want to, but that scene in Boomerang with the horny parents? I feel his pain. I should've known that when my mother-in-law got me a rainbow set of crotchless panties at my bridal shower that she was gonna be a problem but the only thing worse than you thinking that your parents can hear you having sex with your boo is you hearing your man's parents doing it. And no matter how many hints or sighs that I drop, they just think it's funny. It's not like two people who've been together for over 50 years still wanting each other is a bad thing, so my husband and I just invested in a firmer mattress and got them a 'Do Not Disturb' sign. Oh, and confined them to the guest bedroom only because I'll be damned if I walk into the bathroom…like I did a few years ago!"
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Shino. 47. Married 12 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: Nosy Mother-in-Law
"I don't know if there is a nosier woman than my mother-in-law. She feels totally justified too. I think a part of it is because she controlled so much of her children's lives, even well past college, so she thinks that I am just another relative to run. One year, I actually left my phone out and open in the kitchen before turning in. I changed my wife's name in my contacts and we had phone sex for like an hour. The next morning, my mother-in-law was in the kitchen, telling my wife that I was cheating on her. You should've seen her face when we told her that it was us! She still butts her head in more than I would like her too but that definitely reeled her in."
Imala. 24. Married 2 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: Super Religious In-Laws
"Watch those Bible-thumping folks who think that they can pick and choose a Scripture to manipulate you. My in-laws are ministers and whenever I do something that they don't like, they come with that 'Honor your father and mother' stuff. Umm, I have parents. Anyway, what I've learned to do is remind them of the Scripture that talks about wearing out your welcome. It's Proverbs 25:17, if you're curious. I also talk to them about how the Bible also says that love is not rude [I Corinthians 13:5], so to try and be super preachy or to make people uncomfortable in their own home, that doesn't sound very 'Christ-like' to me. My father-in-law? I think he respects that I know how to apply the Word. My mother-in-law can't stand it, but she complies because the Bible also says to submit to your husband, and he agrees with the importance of choosing their battles when they are in our home. Checkmate."
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Christian. 28. Married 4 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: Passive Aggressive Father-in-Law
"I don't think my father-in-law has ever known how to be direct. Everything comes in the form of a hint. 'I mean if you're going to get a ham instead of a turkey when that isn't traditional, go right ahead.' I'm more aggressive in my communication — you know, straight to the point. I don't feed into the nonsense. I used to try and pull stuff outta him, but I've learned that only enables the same behavior. These days, if he doesn't come direct, I act like he didn't say anything at all. I don't know how it affects him, he's passive-aggressive, remember? It definitely takes my stress levels down, though."
Krista. 32. Married 5 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: In-Laws Who Wear Out Their Welcome
"I wish I could say something different, but my hubby's family is loud and combative — not either or…both. And they like to come to our house because it's out of town for them and a lot of them don't like to travel much. How I survive it is they get a firm in and out date, a lot like a hotel. During the time when they are with us, they get treated like royalty but that is only for three days firm. If they want to stay longer than that, we will pay for an Airbnb for two days and beyond that, it's totally on them. No one can act like a victim when the boundaries are stated upfront."
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Elenio. 33. Married 3 Years.
In-Law Pet Peeve/Trigger: Turn-Up Father-in-Law
"My father-in-law is buck wild. I mean, BUCK WILD. You can't contain him, so why even try? The first and last night of his stay, he's usually with us. The rest of the time, he's in a hotel (he pays) and we cover the cost of a rental car. We also give him a list of things to do, clubs and bars included. The reason it's best is because we've got kids and he sometimes comes in drunk — a fun drunk but still drunk — or with company and we don't need all of that…traffic. You would think he would take it personally, but he actually loves the freedom to be able to spend time with us and hang out in another city on his own terms. The in-law thing is about meeting in the middle. Do that and you're all good.'"
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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