Dear Black Women, Thank you for being the source that empowers us all. Thanks for serving up inspiration on the daily. And thank you for proving that we do it best. There's no denying that Black women make the world go round and that couldn't be more true when it comes to style and fashion. Since the beginning of time, we have found a way to show off the magic of our culture through our threads, hairstyles, and almost anything we do.
Those girls with little followers but be fly af are my fav they\u2019re like hidden gems.
These days Instagram is prime real estate to find Black Girl Magic inspiration. For a quick style lesson, keep scrolling for some hidden gems sure to provide looks you can replicate again and again.
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Denver, CO but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
With a YouTube channel that boasts millions of views from her hair and skincare tutorials, beauty influencer Candice Jones knows what it takes to look great on the outside. But when it came to her mental wellbeing, Jones started feeling a disconnect. “Because a lot of the things that I was seeing on social media like: take a bath, pour you some wine,” Jones tells xoNecole about her initial attempts at self-care. “I was doing all of those aesthetic things, but it wasn't making me feel better.”
Jones’ turn to wellness came during a time in her life when she was dealing with a series of compounding anxieties. “What I considered the lowest point in my life,” Jones says, “where I graduated, I was working in a job that I didn't feel passionate about and I had my parents kind of like pushing me in a certain direction.” She continues: “And I felt very guilty for not performing the best when I was in school and then not pursuing my doctor career that they really wanted me.”
Unable to afford traditional therapy, Jones turned to the internet to begin her self-love journey. But she would quickly run into another unexpected roadblock. Jones found that a lot of the websites and online guides she turned to didn’t resonate with her as a Black woman. “The information was not coming from people that looked like me and people that I felt like other people would trust with their journey,” she says.
This led to Jones creating her wellness website Everything She Is. She describes the site as being “a platform for self-love, self-development for young girls and young women, self-empowerment, all of those kinds of things,” Jones says. “And we create tools and resources to help women along their self-love journeys as they come into womanhood.”
When creating the website, she says the first thing she wanted to address was self-acceptance. “That was something I grappled heavily with: finding myself,” Jones says. “Once I kind of uncovered a lot of the stuff that was there, a lot of things that I didn’t feel proud about, how to move forward and how to heal through self-acceptance I feel like a lot of people go through that when they’re transitioning - especially through womanhood.”
Jones sells guided self-love journals on the site that have helped in her process. “I was my first customer,” Jones says, “and it is something that really helped me kind of get to the bottom of what was really weighing me down.”
Jones says that her readers have also shared how much these journals have helped them too.
“It helps them dig deeper, ask questions that they would have otherwise not asked,” Jones says. “[Customers say] that the work has been difficult, but rewarding that a weight has been lifted, that they feel much freer and it's really just a story of, releasing. And sometimes that's what people need. Sometimes people just are carrying so much.”
Jones says that she also hopes that her website can be a guide for Black women on how to set their boundaries. “A lot of people around me are very self-sacrificing,” she says. “That strong Black woman trope that a lot of people are touching on now and resisting against with the soft-life movement is what I saw and what I wanted to breakdown the idea of kind of having to put yourself to the side in order for other people you’re around to advance.”
She is mindful about saying that her website is not an alternative to therapy for people who are able to access that and more so a companion to it. “Therapy is very, very, very important and something that we encourage,” Jones says. As she considers adding a formal education to her informal wellness training, she says that creating the website has been a way for her to help people in the meantime, “Just from a human aspect," she says. "Not from a scientific aspect or accolade or certification, but just being a human being and seeing women and myself struggle and wanting to be there and offer some help.”
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This month, SZA released the deluxe version of her debut album CTRL in observance of the fifth year anniversary of the album’s release. Featuring previously unreleased tracks, including an alternate version of “Love Galore,” which fans got an opportunity to hear during one of the Grammy-winning singer’s live performances, the revamped collection of songs has given fans a chance to reflect on life when the album first came out vs. now.
Despite the fact that only five years have passed, 2017 feels like several lifetimes ago. A series of personal and societal catastrophes have taken place over the course of the half-decade since CTRL was released. Relistening to the album recently activated a tender pang in my chest for the Black girl I was when the album first came out and all the Black girls that have similarly found themselves in the lyrics of Solána Imani Rowe.
In the opening track “Supermodel,” you first hear the voice of SZA’s mother saying “That is my greatest fear/ That if, if I lost control/ Or did not have control/Things would just, you know/I would be fatal.” From there SZA sings about finally laying to rest a relationship with a toxic ex. “I'm writing this letter to let you know/ I'm really leaving/And, no, I'm not keeping your shit.”
Throughout the entire album, we hear SZA wrestle with the heartache brought on by both a toxic relationship and the growing pains of being in your twenties. In “Love Galore” we hear her exclaim to her partner “why you bother me when you know you don’t want me?!” In “Drew Barrymore” she posits: “I get so lonely I forget what I'm worth/ We get so lonely we pretend that this works.”
It’s the disarming honesty that draws people into SZA’s world. We hear her attempts to gain some form of power in her relationship in “The Weekend” where she casts herself as an adulterous seductress who arranges the timetable with her man’s woman for when she can see her man.
Naming the album CTRL, despite it being so much about the loose, unmanageable time of your twenties, feels apt for all the contradictory moments when you’re just so desperately wanting things in your life to make sense. When CTRL first came out, I felt aimless. I was a 22-year-old college dropout who was worried I had ruined any chance I had at a fulfilling life. Listening to her song “20 Something,” in particular when she says “How could it be?/ 20 something, all alone still/ Not a thing in my name/ Ain't got nothin', runnin' from love/ Only know fear/ That's me, Ms. 20 Something/ Ain't got nothin', runnin' from love/ Wish you were here, oh,” that resonated with me the most. It felt like for the first time in my adult life I was no longer so consumed by the loneliness of assuming that I was the only one feeling this unbearable cluelessness.
The newer tracks don’t offer anything new by way of insight, only reaffirming the initial message of CTRL. A lot has changed since we first heard SZA singing about her sneaky links and love gone awry and about her love for Narcos and Tacos. But singing about the growing pains that plague so many Black women in early adulthood is why five years after its debut, during a time when music often fades into obscurity, we are still all under SZA’s CTRL.
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Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
Full-time content creator Yvette Corinne has made waves in the content creation space. On the outside looking in, while some might feel like you have to have hundreds of thousands of followers in order to make a full-time living as an influencer, Yvette has managed to bring in six figures with a highly engaged Instagram community of more than 24,000 followers. And how did she do it? Well, her journey to wealth wasn't one without struggle. The Los Angeles-based micro-influencer got her start in content creation through blogging in 2016. That would lead to her growing her following on Instagram, which allowed her to balance her part-time retail job with being a part-time content creator.
Income from brand deals and partnerships eventually led to her toying with the idea of quitting her job to pursue influencing full-time. But she had a specific goal in mind before she felt confident enough to make the leap. The 32-year-old tells xoNecole: "I knew it was possible to go full-time in 2019. I kept telling myself if I can make at least $4,000 a month consistently, then I can quit my part-time job. All the while I had a goal to save $5,000 just in case I needed money when one of my brand payments came late. Well, about four months in a row I made the amount of money I desired, but I was still scared to quit my job."
Although she planned to quit her job at Topshop in March 2019, Yvette ultimately decided to stay on until the company's closing in July of the same year so that she could collect unemployment as an additional safety net in case things didn't go as planned. She left the retailer with about $3,000 saved. About a month into full-time content creation, she shared, she received the confirmation she needed to know she was on the right path. "I got my first big campaign. It was $5,000! That made me feel like, 'OK, Yvette, you can do this.'"
Keep reading to learn more about Yvette's budget breakdown, the lowest she's felt about finances, and the jobs and salaries that led her to what she does now for a living.
Courtesy of Yvette Corinne
On the jobs she worked before doing what she currently does:
"I’ve actually never had a full-time job. When I moved to L.A. after undergrad, I went straight into my master's and didn’t have time to work full-time. So I picked up part-time work at Zara and then, after graduating, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do. I quit that job and was unemployed for a few months and then started working at other retail jobs for the holiday season. Shortly after I got hired at Topshop doing their admin, [it was] still part-time because I started taking modeling and content creation seriously. In the midst of that, I transferred to the personal shopping department. I worked as a personal shopper until I eventually was a full-time creator. My pay started at $12/hr at Zara, $13/hr doing admin, and then $15/hr as a personal shopper."
On how much money she makes a year:
"Last year I ended at about $180K and this year, if everything stays consistent, I expect to make at least $200K. No month is the same, but this year I started off the first quarter strong and basically booked enough gigs to cover my necessary expenses. That has really set the tone for this year."
On the lowest she's ever felt because of her finances:
"2020 was the first year I made six figures, but in the first quarter of 2020 before lockdown, I was struggling. I remember needing $4,000 to cover my bills, my new apartment down payment, and making sure I was making all my payments on time while I was waiting for checks. My unemployment stopped and I was patiently waiting for the net60s and net90s (the 60-day and 90-day period from when an influencer fulfills their obligations and thereby is expected to receive payment for their deliverables). It was a struggle! Thankfully my mom gave me the money, and I paid her back as soon as I got back on my feet that same year. A true definition of anything can happen in a year."
"Mentally, I was stressed because the lockdown was shortly after and I had no idea if brand deals would be a thing anymore. But I just prayed and prayed that God would show me my next steps and He did! The year turned around and I made about 75% of my income in the second half of the year! Now, I don’t really worry about finances, because I know God’s got me."
On the revenue streams she uses to diversify her income:
"My streams of revenue are mainly brand partnerships which consist of me creating content for brands to use on their website, social media, and/or newsletters, and sponsored posts that I post on my personal social media accounts. Another stream of income that I have is affiliate marketing."
On how she approaches budgeting and tracking expenses:
"I use a spreadsheet and I have a budget planner that I love from a new company called MSTRPLN. I use Trello to track my brand deals and invoices/payments since I don’t have a manager to do those things for me."
On whether she is a spender or a saver:
"I consider myself both! I worked hard to enjoy the lifestyle that I have. I treat myself and make sure I am not saving to the point where I am not enjoying my money. I’ve always been obsessed with finance and I am a true Capricorn. If you know you know! When it comes to saving money, I live for a cushion. I have a few savings accounts with different banks. I have one tax savings account where I transfer money into as soon as I get paid to have it when it’s time to pay the man. [I also have] an emergency savings account that I transfer a certain amount of money to until I reach the goal I want to have there. For me, that’s about $30,000 because I want to have at least six months' worth of money to live off of just in case.
"My last savings account is my house fund! Hopefully, I’ll be engaged soon (laughs) and my boyfriend and I will be planning to get a house within the next few years. So we both have been saving for that moment separately, in our own personal savings accounts. I put a certain amount of money in each account every time I get a check!"
On unhealthy mindsets about money she had to let go of:
"There was a time where the savings was all I cared about and I didn’t want to spend money. The first time I spent a lump sum of money (it was for my electric car down payment), I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t feel attached to money as much because I knew that it was going to come back."
On the money mantra she lives by:
"'Money comes to me and through me. Period. I am no longer attached to money because I know that it will and can come back to me."
Yvette's Basic Monthly Budget Breakdown
Apartment: $2,200; My portion of the rent because I live with my boyfriend, and yes, we split the bills. I have no problem with that. I have an office in our townhome, so I write off that room for my taxes.
Utilities: $300
Food: $750
Car: Luckily, I have an electric vehicle, so it cost me like $50 a month to charge! I spend $250 on car insurance.
Self-care: $250
Overall Savings/Retirement: $20,000 in emergency savings; I'm still working on my retirement with my new financial adviser. It’s all so new to me. Building my emergency savings has been the most important thing for me because I don’t want to experience the stress that comes with waiting on checks ever again.
For more of Yvette, follow her on Instagram @yvettecorinne.
Taraji P. Henson has been putting work in Hollywood for decades before finally getting her flowers after she landed her most beloved role as Loretha “Cookie” Lyon on Fox’s Empire. Before Empire, however, she starred in the cult classic Baby Boy in 2001, the 2005 film Hustle & Flow, and the 2008 film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button where she claimed she only made $40,000 and starred in many other roles. She has also released her own natural hair care line TPH by Taraji in 2020.
The actress is a businesswoman but now, at 51 Taraji is focused on her mental health and what makes her happy. The mother of one launched her Facebook Watch show Peace of Mind with Taraji and founded Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation which is named after her father who dealt with mental health struggles. And with the ongoing racial injustices and unrest happening in the U.S. right now, Taraji is considering living elsewhere to find her peace of mind.
The Hidden Figures star made the revelation during an interview with PEOPLE Every Day Podcast. "I'm really considering getting up out of here, leaving and living in another country," she confessed. "That's something that comes with 50, you get tired of fighting. I'm tired."
She added, "I just don't want to have to do another hashtag … I fought, I chanted, I marched. I'm tired."
Taraji didn’t specify where she wants to move to exactly but wherever she goes she wants to be loved on and not be judged by the color of her skin. "I want to go where there's neutral ground," she said. "I want to just be. And be happy. I want to be called 'Bella' every day, drink wine, and swat flies on the porch. Stress-free."
At 51, The Color Purple musical movie actress is no longer worried about satisfying others and is putting herself first. Something she says comes with age. "There's something that happens when you turn 50, where all of your f---s are behind you,” she shared. “I've accomplished a lot and I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm at the point now where if I say, 'I quit, I'm going to go travel the world,' I can. It's so freeing."
While she may not be moving anytime soon, she is planning a getaway with her bestie Mary J. Blige. "Me and Mary have been trying to do this trip for so long but our schedules just keep getting crazy. I just told her 'Look, enough is enough, I need a vacation!'" she exclaimed.
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The only thing constant in life is change and if these past couple of years have shown us nothing else, it’s that life be life-ing. Amid the pandemic, we saw (and continue to see) a lot of change in the way we lead our lives. It shifted the way we work, the way we approached our health and lifestyles, and the way we dated. This year is shaping up to display change in a different way, as many of us enter a season of a new normal and adapt to dating trends that better mirror who and how we are today. The weather is heating up and so is the potential for romance, as once again, we are shedding our homebody ways and radiating big “we outside” energy.
Dating trends in 2022 are less about the virtual dates and video call introductions of 2020 and more about mindful and exploratory dating. If you find yourself wanting to test the dating waters this summer, here are the trends Bumble predicts are on the rise for 2022. And as the old saying goes, stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.
Being single is a vibe.
Since the pandemic, mindfulness has been a buzzword that is constantly at the forefront in many facets of our lives. All it means is a focused awareness of the present moment. And if you ask me, it’s a welcomed addition to how single people choose to date. ‘Choose’ is the operative word here. Social isolation has reportedly brought about a rebirth of enjoying one’s solitude. This in turn makes 53% of Bumble respondents cite that they were okay with being single, while 54% of single daters want to be mindful about when and how they date.
Mindful dating allows for daters to be one with themselves while also being present with potential dates. Instead of fighting their relationship status, this person is grounded and centered in their journey to love and the growth that comes with it. Mindful dating can look like communication that is open and honest, self-honesty, understanding your emotions, and ensuring your actions are in alignment with that.
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Open-mindness is reaching new heights.
“Exploratory” is the dating approach that 43% of Bumble respondents listed as their focus in 2022. Furthermore, open-mindedness is becoming more of a focus in the way we date. As time passes, people grow and so do their tastes. Daters are reportedly less likely to stick to a specific “type,” and are expanding their horizons to accommodate people and experiences that pull them outside of their comfort zones and speak more to the person they are now. More openness is also being placed on the types of relationships we are in as well, as single daters are more exploratory of different relationship dynamics and styles.
When it comes to attracting love and people, single folks are practicing flexibility, and adaptability, and are reserving judgment to widen the pool and experiment with aspects in a partner and a partnership that they otherwise might not have considered.
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Dry dating is a thing.
The customary “let’s meet for drinks” is increasingly becoming a thing of the past. The stress, uncertainty, heightened awareness around mortality, and grief surrounding the height of the pandemic led to many people gravitating toward drinking more alcohol. Dry dating and sober-curious dating have started to see an uptick in popularity as 25% of people in the U.S. say that they are drinking less than they were pre-pandemic.
And what is sober-curious dating? It's just as its name alludes: a curiosity of dabbling in sobriety by decreasing your alcohol consumption. The intent isn’t necessarily to quit drinking completely, but it is about making more choices in dating that aren’t alcohol-centric. Some ways you can engage in dry dating or sober curious dating include going to the movies, the bowling alley, visiting a museum, meeting up for coffee, or even a non-alcoholic drink (mocktails are all the rage these days).
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