In westernized society, we have rejected so many aspects of the divine feminine and feminine energy. At this moment, women are being criminalized by their own reproductive system and women fighting for their rights are seen as vulgar, unattractive, and undesirable. We blame Jezebel without acknowledging Ahab's responsibility. The features of Black women are desirable, while actual Black women as a whole are given a hard time, and then people wonder why we are sometimes defensive. Women empowerment has been a marketable business for women who behave like mean girls in real life *sips tea*. But as you heal your feminine energy and accept your feminine power as an individual, you create healing all around you.
Everyone has divinity within them because we were made by the divine source, God.
Some of us walk in it, and some of us simply do not know how to. We try to suppress our feminine energy, thinking if we think like a man, we will get ahead in life, especially in dating; but the truth is God made women and men differently for a reason and it isn't punishment. Some of us don't really know how to honor our femininity, nonetheless, let it empower us and bring us together as Black women and embrace the fact that our femininity is unique.
We suppress our true selves and resist our true desires and measure our ability to endure pain as strength.
Despite the negativity we were taught about femininity throughout history, it actually represents abundance, growth, creativity, fertility, expansion, connection, flow, and joy. We never stop to think about the reason why the Earth is referred to as "Mother Earth" and nature as "Mother Nature", and here is a hint: it's not because she plays small. To truly unlock your power, keep reading.
How You Can Start Healing Your Wounded Feminine Energy
Identify where you are wounded because there is most likely a broken little girl inside of you.
This step is the hardest because you have to address when, how, and why you were wounded. For example, is your self-esteem wounded? If so, investigate how it got there. Were you teased by other girls because of your unique look, and now as an adult, you don't trust other women? In instances like these, or any example where other people are involved, remember that whatever pain or insecurities they incite are reflections of them, not you. Forgive them, let it go, and stop wounding yourself and others by carrying that burden with you. It's not yours to carry.
As a grown woman, you have just validated your pain while reworking your inner narrative to better serve your higher purpose. A lot of us are stuck in the heart of a little girl who may have been molested, raped, raised in an invalidating and strict household or one of neglect, etc and it shows. It is not your fault what happened to you but it's time to choose your beliefs because until you do, that little girl is going to keep on picking broken people to love, and repeating broken unhealthy patterns. Therapy, prayer, meditation, and positive affirmations do wonders at this point in the healing process.
Make taking care of yourself inside and out as essential as the air that you breathe.
Your self-care has to be as automatic as making your morning tea with a face mask on after prayer and reciting your affirmations. Your pores must ooze "I love me" and this is internal work, not external. You must eat as if you love yourself, talk as if you love yourself, love others as if you give a damn about yourself, and even if you lack in this area, you will start to vibrate higher. Love yours, all of yours, especially you in your natural state.
Make a conscious effort to find new ways to be comfortable in your skin. If you are a woman who depends on makeup and weaves to the point that you feel like a complete mess if you miss your hair appointment or leave the house bare-faced, learn how to love and take care of your hair the way it grows naturally out of your scalp and your skin without makeup. Letting your hair, your skin, and the rest of yourself breathe is essential for growth and healing. This is an act of resistance; you were divinely made and while society may want you to think you are missing something to sell you products, you have all that you need to be beautiful already Ms. Melanin. Let it pop sis!
Surround yourself with other women who have a high vibration, and other sources of feminine energy.
Hanging around dope women is how you recharge your feminine battery. The competition between women is because of the illusion of scarcity. The sooner you realize other women are not your competition, the better because we can all shine. Start surrounding yourself with women who you admire, who light up a room, and who are comfortable in their skin. When you see a woman who hates on other women and/or has little compassion for women but sings men's praise all day, pray for her and stay away from her, she is wounded.
Most of the negative feelings you may have about other women stem from a place where you are wounded and what you say about other women in malice speaks more about you than them.
Every bomb woman you run into is not going to be your friend, and that's okay. Every woman interprets their femininity differently and there is no use in policing them; instead embrace them and let them empower you to embrace yours. It helps to turn off the trap music on the way to work and listen to some female rappers/singers to help you connect with yourself. Don't you remember that vibe of making a playlist of your favorite music to listen to on your CD/cassette player? Get back to that place where you were belting out " Weak" by SWV, and vibing to "That's the Way Love Goes" by Janet Jackson and trying to repeat the tongue-twister in Missy Elliott's "Work It" while doing your cleaning in the house. Art by black women, including music and literature, were created while she was flexing her divine feminine energy in the form of creativity. Soak that up, she left it for you.
Make pleasure a core principle.
Close your eyes and masturbate to your imagination sometimes. Buy something made with your favorite textured fabric because you love how it feels against your skin. Stop by Lush or Whole Foods to splurge on some high-quality moisturizing soap. Cook a meal that is both rich and flavorful and healthy for you so you can close your eyes and really enjoy the taste. Pamper yourself at least once a week! Enjoy life and connect to your positive feelings and the glow will come from within. These types of activities help you connect back to your senses and feelings, which are some of your biggest assets.
Express yourself creatively.
This is major because as women we are natural creators, not only from the womb but from the mind. Fashion, cosmetics, hair, music, art, literature and many more forms of creativity help you express yourself and connect with others. If you usually rock your own hair, experiment with some extensions every now and then to create a new look. Add some pieces to your wardrobe that challenge your usual vibe. Be playful with your appearance sometimes! Dive back into a creative outlet that you enjoy, and you will see yourself looking to it as catharsis instead of letting frustration build inside of you. The great part is, the way you express yourself creatively most likely can convert into profit.
Abundance honey, abundance.
Learn how to get comfortable receiving.
Many of us have a hard time taking something as minute as a compliment, and then wonder why we aren't manifesting the way we want. We need to start not only being okay with receiving but to actually start expecting miracles in our lives. Women were built to receive! So many of us operate solely from our masculine energy out of necessity because we feel like we have to. In order to survive, some of us have to be aggressive, constantly on the move, highly analytical and logical.
Give yourself permission to lean back and surrender to this beautiful thing called life every once in a while because you have survived your worst days and it is time to thrive. It's time to restore balance. Get in touch with your God-given intuition and let it guide you sometimes because that's how you strengthen it. Learn how to surround yourself with people you can submit to. Be vulnerable every once in a while and show your underbelly so the people close to your heart will show you theirs.
By taking steps and educating yourself on feminine energy and how to heal yours, you will love yourself deeper, radiate love, and invite more divine masculine energy into your life. Let it flow, let it glow, and lastly thank God you're a woman!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Featured image by GIPHY
Originally published on August 18, 2019
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Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
There is a very specific reason why I decided to write this article before the holiday season officially gets underway. It’s because I once read a study that said it’s quite common for most Americans to double the amount of alcohol that they consume between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.
It makes sense when you stop to think about all of the holiday parties, time off, and moments spent with loved ones that transpire around this time of year. And while there is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying some mulled wine, real-deal eggnog, or peppermint martinis, because your health is something that never “takes a vacation,” I thought it was important to share with you some of the benefits (pros) and challenges (cons) that can arise from alcohol consumption.
My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
____
‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
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