Just a few months ago, I packed everything that I loved (including my dog) in my Honda Civic, and traveled 22 hours from Texas to California to pursue a new venture for my business. Since making the move, I've been introduced to new opportunities, but I've also been exposed to a lot of distractions. Sometimes when you're on a new journey, it's easy to become preoccupied with unnecessary things and lose track of what truly deserves your attention and energy. In return, this can cause your productivity level to decrease. It seems like in a blink of an eye, the worst happens.
Whether you're bossing up as a business owner or in the corporate world, your level of productivity can easily dictate whether or not you're successful. Being productive isn't something you can just pop up and be a beast at immediately. Mastering productivity happens over time and requires a change in mindset and lifestyle. It's something you have to intentionally practice every day.
Recently, I connected with a few business owners on what productivity means to them and how they maintain a high level of productivity. Keep reading to learn from these bosses and snag some inspo that you can use in your own life!
Let your past and shortcomings be fuel for the future.
Image via Sky Landish
Sky Landish, Founder, StripN'Fitness:
Being productive means continuously hustling daily for the things that add up to the big picture in your mind.
"I feel as though the largest two challenges surrounding my definition of productivity is the motivation that facilitates your hustle and the vision that keeps that picture in your mind clear yet attainable. We constantly have to reinvent motivation because it can quickly expire. A vision of your picture--your end goal--can be clouded with small setbacks and financial or personal struggles such as breakups or costly bills. When I was 23 years old, I was homeless, struggling to finish college, working a full-time job, unhealthy, unhappy, and had recently been cheated on. There was a moment where I didn't know what to do. However, I somehow found my motivation in the anger of being treated less than by another human being and it led me to hustle harder, to start working out, and to share more on social media. I saw my bigger picture in my ability to take the worst situations and make them a positive light. That alone allowed me to build on me, what I wanted out of life, and how I could create the dopest future for myself.
"A productive workday for me includes waking up at 9 a.m, creating the vibe for my ladies who are signed up for my 'Transform Your Eating & Exercise' program in our Facebook group, and responding to their questions.
"After that, I answer any emails from brands for influencer collaborations, negotiate, and sign any contracts. I then go to my beauty room and tape content for my social media platform, then head to the gym to do my daily workout. Once I'm done, I go to my collaborative office space that I share with my fiancé, and we typically discuss whatever calendar updates, bookings, or other things that are coming up. We usually end the day with dinner together, and I head home to catch up on news or trending topics for the day."
Let technology aid in your productivity.
Image via Alexis Davis
Alexis Davis, Founder, The Content Plug:
There are only so many hours in a day, so having systems and using your time efficiently is vital for entrepreneurs and businesses of every size.
"It takes a certain mindset to perform at your best each and every day. For one, I strongly believe that getting started early helps me have a productive 16 hours. I like to begin my day by checking emails and responding to items that need immediate attention. I double-check my calendar to see what meetings I have planned for the day and ensure that I have my agendas and notes prepared well before my meetings are set to begin. Scrambling at the last minute will only pull me away from focusing on other important tasks.
"Managing my to-do list on Trello helps me significantly as I am able to put dates and times on tasks instead of feeling like I need to accomplish everything in one day.
"Since I am a social media manager, I spend a lot of time on the various platforms looking at discussions or trends to see if there are any conversations I can appropriately jump into on behalf of my clients and to keep an eye on current events. Ironically, looking at pages that have nothing to do with my clients can get distracting, and I have to have a bit of self-control.
"Finally, getting a full eight hours of sleep helps tremendously. I was once a person that could stay up all night and run on a few hours of sleep, but [that will] catch up to you and does not help you or your productivity in the long run! For me, a productive month ends with happy clients, new proposals delivered to potential clients, at least one new invitation to speak on a panel or teach a class, a short to-do list, and little to no emails."
It's OK to pivot.
Image via Psyche Terry
Psyche Terry, Co-founder, UI Global Brands:
Being productive means to be moving but not in the same place and to have energy but not in the same area. It's about forward motion even if it's not the original direction but you're still moving, learning, and being challenged. It's about growth rather than standing still.
"A couple of years ago in my business, we were doing the most! We had two LLCs under one company---one was apparel and the other was beauty. I was still in motion with both so [I was] not as productive with my beauty business because of the time that I was spending on the apparel brand. This wasn't a line--it was a whole company! I put a lot of time, energy, effort, and talent into it, but ultimately it was distracting from my other brand.
"Great business mentors are part of my success story. Enrolling in the Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses program was most productive for us as a company because it helped me to identify the best path for us while truly looking at the final outcome.
"Once I considered the end result, it forced me to choose the most productive route and avoid distractions. My definition of a productive workday is constantly changing.
"I would define a productive workday as anything that helps me get closer to my end result. [It's] if I'm able to move, whether the movement is positive or negative, to get closer to that end result that I have stated for myself. This also includes self-care, rest, and being conscious of my personal well-being. To do that, I have to breathe and reflect in self-care. To me, that's the true definition because if you end up burned out at the end, then what's the point?"
Every second counts.
Image via Instagram/getfitwithmassi
Masiel Encarnación, Weight-loss coach & Founder, The ConFITence Blueprint:
Being productive means being efficient and wasting as little time as possible.
"Instagram used to be a major distraction when I first started my business. First, I followed too many influencers in the health and wellness space which clouded my creativity and focus. Scrolling through a feed full of others in your space to be 'inspired' is actually a sure-fire way to always be in second place. I had to quickly learn that being an influencer and being a profitable business owner were not always the same thing.
"The way I overcame this was to unfollow almost everyone in my space unless I knew them personally and focus on my company's framework and mission.
"Secondly, I love connecting with my community, and in the last 6 years, I've built a very engaged following. However, at one point, I constantly felt pulled into 100 different directions with requests from all over the place. My desire to be accessible and immediately responsive to hundreds of DMs (and emails) in real time was unrealistic and a huge stressor. Once I changed my mindset, prioritized revenue-generating activities, and set better business boundaries around my availability and response time, I was able to be more efficient.
"For me, a productive workday begins with self-care and non-work activities. I create, meditate, write, read, journal, exercise, eat breakfast, and then dive into work after I've already poured into myself. Work happens between the hours of 9 a.m.-9 p.m."
The small wins add up.
Image via Kaylen Zahara
Kaylen Zahara, Founder, AmazedByKay Consulting:
Productivity is knowing each day you performed a micro task that targets executing your macro goal.
"The biggest distraction for me as a founder and content creator is analysis paralysis along with a pinch of procrastination. As the boss, you have no one to micromanage you but yourself, so there are times when my moods can get the best of my mornings. The fear within will nudge me to put things off for later in the day. Before you know it, it's a new day and my to-do list has barely been tended to. On days my moods aren't in charge, my fear of failure is, and I convince myself that if I spend more hours being analytical, that contributes to productivity, therefore I can't be hard on myself after all, right? If you can relate, the best way to eliminate these habits and comfort zones are to look in the mirror and be honest. Realize you are just afraid of your best version of yourself.
"To rise to success, you have to sit with that fear and be friends with it, quiet the noise, and reprogram your subconscious to believe you are capable. Remind your conscience of your why.
"Here's what a productive workweek looks like: 5 a.m. wake-up times to set intentions for the day, 45 minutes of daily exercise, therapy sessions, deal-closing, accomplishing the biggest to smallest tasks, and assisting my team to meet their needs and to ensure overall brand success."
Being aligned with your team is important.
Image via Jasmine Shells
Jasmine Shells, Co-Founder & CEO, Five to Nine:
Productivity means to be in a state of flow and to accomplish the tasks I set for myself to complete.
"As a startup founder, things always pop up onto your radar that tend to divert your attention from the goals you set for the day. It's inevitable. Those things typically disrupt the flow completely. So I started looking at my to-do list in an aggregate week view versus a daily view. It provides me with more flexibility to accomplish my goals and to allow room for those things that pop up. For low-priority tasks, I easily prioritize them later in the week without any associated guilt.
"I've noticed that weekly to-do lists give me what feels like more control over my schedule and my mindset by creating a more realistic working environment for what startup life looks like.
"A productive workday or workweek from my perspective is alignment between my team members. We have work that is interdependent and collaborative, so keeping us all on the same page while moving a million miles an hour is a constant focus. This, to me, is the ultimate productivity goal."
Understand that success takes a village.
Image via KaDeadra McNealy
KaDeadra McNealy, Founder, Millennial Nail Bar:
As a founder, being productive is understanding what skill set isn't my strongest and reaching out to other female founders for recommendations.
"When Millennial Nail Bar (MNB) first launched, I truly thought I could do it all. From creating the website, running the social media accounts, and partaking in pitch competitions---all while searching for potential investors. I remember speaking with a fellow woman founder who not only explained how important it is to lose the grip on 'your baby' and onboard a team, but how to properly select the individual who can help you accomplish the company's goals.
"Every week, I look over the prior week and/or month's goals. This might include eliminating or continuing current tactics or understanding where the ball was dropped and how to prevent it from happening again."
Planning must meet consistency.
Image via Dawn Myers, Esq
Dawn Myers, Esq., Founder, The Most:
Peak productivity means meeting specific metrics for my organizations as efficiently and effectively as possible.
"In the past, I have been guilty of sacrificing sleep and pulling egregiously long workdays. I was moving the ball forward, but I wasn't working smart, and I was careening toward burnout. It took me a while to realize that the easy way is the smart way. I come from a professional background that glorifies backbreaking work hours, so it took some time to stop feeling guilty about delegating. I thought I was being lean by doing it all myself instead of hiring contractors and virtual assistants. I know now that delegating allows me to focus on the highest-impact activities which result in the highest impact gains. Also, delegating has forced me to build a team, put repeatable processes and training documents into place, and strengthen my management skills. I'm happier and less overwhelmed, and my company runs much more smoothly than it did when I kept a firm grip on every single task.
"Productivity is what happens when planning meets consistency. With the time freed up by delegating low-impact tasks, I've been able to embed small but mighty habits into my routine like blocking off an hour each day for investor outreach or fitting in a morning workout to power me through the rest of my day. Having the space to make consistent, measurable progress has been transformative. Measurability is the key here. Make sure that you associate goals with attainable daily and weekly metrics.
"A successful, productive week for me starts on Sunday night. I have an alarm set on my phone for 7 p.m. to skim my calendar and plan in any high-priority tasks for the week. Less is more. I aim to complete no more than I can fit on a sticky note each day (I use ruled notepads so I can't cheat by using smaller script). If I delegate effectively, adhere to healthy habits, and manage a few high-impact tasks every single day, I am guaranteed to see stunning progress month over month."
Make conscious decisions to take care of yourself first.
Image via Gabrielle Deculus
Gabrielle Deculus, Founder, Business Rules for Women:
Being productive means moving the needle forward, productivity ultimately equates to accomplishing my goals and accomplishing my goals yields success.
"To be honest, mental health has been a challenge, and I work on it daily. There have been times when I struggled with productivity because of it, specifically because of personal life events and work-related experiences. Without having proper support as a founder, you will be impacted and distracted in a multitude of ways. The bottom line is things will happen, but how will you handle it? This is why I actively invest in my mental health and why I started Business Rules for Women. Being ambitious and in business can be lonely, and I have had to deal with a lot on my own.
"Within the last year, I have made conscious decisions to go to therapy, actively develop stronger relationships with my business friends, and share as much as possible with others. We learn when we teach, and we grow when we are vulnerable and willing to listen.
"The past several months, I have been continuously working on producing a much-needed 3-day conference for ambitious women happening April 3-5 here in New Orleans. I truly believe in fully utilizing my time, which means my days are filled with setting timers to meet deadlines, holding several meetings each day, and communicating with my team to ensure things are constantly moving."
Multitasking is a trap.
Image via Dorian Morris
Dorian Morris, Founder, Undefined Beauty:
Productivity is about taking it step-by-step, building brick-by-brick and not trying to boil the ocean while also recognizing multitasking is actually the ultimate productivity killer.
"As the solo bootstrapping founder of Undefined Beauty, there's never enough time in the day to tackle the constantly growing to-do list and capitalize on opportunities, especially in the dynamic and ever-evolving cannabis and CBD space. It can get overwhelming but I find chunking--breaking big tasks into small steps--makes it easier and less anxiety-provoking to GSD (aka get stuff done).
"It takes focus and removing unnecessary, derailing distractions like social media and resisting the urge to multitask, which makes each task actually take longer. I also celebrate small wins along the way to maintain momentum.
"A productive workday involves balancing the strategic versus tactical tasks--putting out today's fires while also planting seeds for future growth and opportunities. It's definitely a journey that's part art and part science, but that's what makes entrepreneurship fun."
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Featured Image courtesy of Dawn Myers, Esq
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
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‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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