Throughout the years of penning for the platform, I’ve shared all kinds of things that I have experienced while being a marriage life coach. Interestingly enough, though, something that I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned is how many times a couple has found themselves in some sort of trouble because of a vacation trip that went awry or how often a single person has told me that they had some regrets after going on a trip with some friends.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that you can tell from the title of today’s article what I’m referring to, specifically, because although it might not be discussed a lot (and in my opinion, as often as it should be), lots of people do partake in what I call “casual vacation sex.”
Statistically? It’s been cited that somewhere around 30 percent of vacationers have admitted to having at least one one-night stand. And again, since some wives and single women alike have told me personally that they’ve done some things that they never thought they would while hanging out in another city (or country), since most individuals take vacations during this time of the year more than any other season and also since an ounce of prevention is certainly worth a pound of cure…if you’ve got some travel plans coming up and you want to be as safe and responsible as possible, when it comes to potential sexual activity, here are six questions that you absolutely should ask yourself — before anything goes down.
6 Questions To Ask Before Vacation Hookups
1. Why Am I Doing It?
GiphyAuthor Daniel H. Pink once said, “Asking ‘Why?’ can lead to understanding. Asking ‘Why not?’ can lead to breakthroughs.” That said, you can read my article, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'” to see what my personal thoughts are about casual sex and why I believe that it should be taken far more seriously than our culture prefers to. However, everyone is different and y’all are certainly grown and so, if casual sex is something that you are considering, well — because, as my mother used to say, the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do, it’s important to really ask yourself WHY you are about to do it.
So, you know what this means, right? You really should make a commitment to yourself to not put yourself in the position to have sex unless you are sober — or at least sober while making the decision to do it — because it’s a lot more difficult to be self-aware and self-reflective if/when you’re inebriated. You also need to try to understand what your reasons are beyond being horny, he looks good or you’ve always wanted to try it out. Because listen, as wonderful as the feeling of sex can be, there’s no way around the fact that it is an act that can totally change your life, not always in the ways that you would like it to, if you are not extremely careful.
So yes, know your “why” and then really understand it to the point of being able to clearly articulate it if/when asked. Typically, if you understand your motive for something, that makes it easier to deal with whatever comes from it.
2. Do I Have Realistic Expectations?
GiphyYears ago, one of my clients had a one-night stand with a guy while on a girls’ trip. As she ooh and aahed about how attractive he was and the strong connection they made (chile), I asked her two simple questions: “Did you cum?” Her answer was “no.” Have you heard from him since? Also, no. And that got her to really thinking because, in the midst of the excitement and adrenaline (along with some alcohol), she came to realize that the experience wasn’t really all that. They had sex multiple times and her satisfaction was not his priority. And even though they exchanged info, his actions afterwards proved that he didn’t want to stay in touch; that he was probably being polite more than anything else.
“I don’t know what I was expecting from the sex,” she said. “I just enjoyed someone new who I was really attracted to. I did expect to hear from him by now, though.” And to all of this, all I could do was shake my head. Having no expectations is how you get taken advantage of. Having unrealistic expectations is how you end up playing yourself.
That said, if you’re going to have sex with someone who you just met while you’re on vacation, you will spare your mind, body and soul a lot of disappointment if you set realistic expectations — not when it comes to him but how you plan to process him, before, during and afterwards. So yes, ask yourself what you expect from casual vacation sex and then mentally and emotionally prepare and discipline yourself to follow through with what those expectations are. Make sure they aren’t “movie” expectations (that you will automatically have chemistry and it will be a long-term connection…maybe, maybe not); that they are real ones (you don’t really know that man and so how it plays out is kind of a crap shoot).
3. Am I Taking Every Measure to Protect Myself?
GiphyA part of the reason why I wrote articles like “Can You Actually Get An STI/STD From Kissing? Yes. And No.” and “If You Have Herpes, When Should You Reveal It To A Potential Partner?” for the platform is because, with articles like “STIs, including syphilis, gonorrhea, increasing globally: WHO” (ABC News) being pretty easy to find out here in these internet streets, again, it’s important to not reenact some rom-com while engaging in vacation sex.
What I mean by that is, while it might look all hot and romantic to meet a guy at a bar, talk a bit and then, hours later, find yourself rolling around on the beach by some crashing waves in the middle of the night, those movies rarely show someone pulling out a condom and y’all, with STI/STDs still being alive and well, and the incubation period for some of them meaning that it could take months for it to show up — how much would it truly suck to have a great night and then find out, three months later, that he left you with more than an orgasm or two? And don’t even get me started on a potential positive sign on a pregnancy test.
Bring your own condoms. Require that they be used. And honestly, if I were you, I would invest in some rapid at-home STI/STD tests (like these here) to take along with you. They are kind of on the pricey side yet…can you really put a price tag on your health? EXACTLY.
4. Is It More About Inner Desire or (Peer) Pressure?
GiphyThere are two things that a lot of adult people bring along from their childhood that I will never really understand. First up — there are more than a few women who talk about wanting to be “spoiled” by a man when most of us were raised (and raise our own kids) to be the exact opposite of that (cognitive dissonance, much?). Next? Think about how many of us were told to not make a significant decision based on the pressure of our friends trying to get us to do it. Then reflect on many adults do whatever celebrities, social media or even their own friends are doing…simply because they are doing it. Whew, chile.
And that’s why, if you are going on vacation with a group of folks, you really should take note of the kind of people they are. If you’re married, do they trash relationships a lot? If you’re single, do they try to downplay certain standards and boundaries that you have, even when you deal with them on a local level?
Again, you’re grown and your body is certainly your own, so if you want to have sex while you’re on vacation, that is totally your right. Full stop. Just make sure that you are doing it because YOU want to do it — not because the guy is pressuring you or the people who you traveled with are encouraging you to do it. Oh, and please also hold close a motto that I made up years ago that I try to live by — “If your mind, body and spirit are not all in agreement…pause.” The way that right there will spare you so much potential drama and trauma? Words cannot express.
5. What Do I Want to Come from It?
GiphyA Polish poet by the name of Stanislaw Jerzy Lec once said, “You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories,” and y’all, when it comes to what we are talking about today, truer words have never been spoken. That said, if you’re someone who really and truly gets what the word “casual” or “fleeting” means and all you’re looking for is a moment of sexual release — do your thing.
However, say that you took your vacation to get over an ex or to have a temporary escape from something stressful that you are going through. If that is the case, you could be using sex to make you feel holistically better — and that could end up backfiring on you in the long-run if there is no sexual compatibility, the guy doesn’t treat you as intently as you would’ve wanted or you find yourself “editing” the memories of the experience to make it bigger than it was…which makes it harder to get over.
Knowing what you want and being honest with yourself about whether or not something is worth the risk to see if it will meet that desire is where the big kids play. And since you’re a grown woman…well.
6. Am I Prepared for Potentially Unforeseen Fallout?
GiphyIf you read between the lines, you caught that some married clients of mine have had flings while on vacation (without their spouse). Some were emotional affairs. Some consisted of drunken sex. Some were oral sex exchanges. All ended up being highly problematic on some level. One client ended up divorced. Another ended up with herpes. Another…the husband is currently deciding if he wants to remain married or not.
And that’s the thing about sex — even if you go into the act with a clear mind, even if you use protection, because the act has so many layers to it, sometimes the consequences of the act can end up manifesting in ways that you never would’ve expected…because a single client of mine ended up having casual sex with a guy who wouldn’t leave her alone to the point where she had to get a restraining order months after returning home. SMDH.
Most of us have heard of Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” This is DEFINITELY something to keep in mind when it comes to partaking in casual vacation sex, okay? Please, for the sake of every single part of you, you make sure that you do.
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider
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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil
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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C
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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST
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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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