Many of us have been oh-so-good at chasing the bag and killing it in the professional and business games but have been not so successful at reaching our dream bae goals. OWN's Ready To Love is a sexy new series, co-hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, that follows a group of Atlanta's most successful Black men and women in their 30s and 40s, as they try to get through past hurt, find ways to let go of baggage, and put focus on finding someone to share their lives –– and their coins –– with.
Ashlee Akins, a Jackson, Tennessee native, speech therapist, and aspiring entertainer, is among them, letting cameras follow her as she moves through the ups and downs of pursuing a successful relationship in a city where recent findings show there are 80,000 more single women than single men. (Talk about a dating gap!)
On the show, there's a focus on the men and their perspective in finding the right woman, and Akins has made it as one of the final few women remaining on the show. She doesn't sweat the statistics, nor the stigmas and pressures associated with dating after 30, deciding instead to take it all in stride and turn the tables to do what works for her.
Ashlee Akins/AA Dimensions
"I'm a ball of fun and a breath of fresh air, " the 31-year-old said during an exclusive interview with xoNecole. "Being on the show, I was put in a room with a bunch of different people who are all awesome. I've never been around so many people who have their lives together, and all they were lacking were [love] relationships. I knew that [they] took the proper steps [professionally] in life but just forgot about their own [personal] wants and needs."
It can get a bit tough avoiding the formulaic, picky, or super-calculated route toward landing a long-time bae while in your 30s and 40s –– hey, who has time and money to waste? –– but Akins likes to let things flow while enjoying the adventure of exploring her options.
"From episode one to now, [dating] was more [about] interrogating than laughing. You see people mingle and it's more about, 'Well, what do you think about this or that?'"
Akins likes to take a more relaxed approach, choosing a good time over a more serious vibe when relating with a potential beau. "This is not a debate. It's not politics. It's love. Smile. Everybody's so rigid about finding that one that they forget about their own personal happiness and having fun in the journey."
Ashlee Akins/AA Dimensions
"Everybody's so rigid about finding that one that they forget about their own personal happiness and having fun in the journey."
She's had some hot and heavy dances with love on the show –– particularly with a tall, chocolate entrepreneurial brother named Alexx –– and she brings spunk and sassiness in personality, demeanor, and style. She rocks a super-cute, spikey 'do that's The Cut Life-worthy, embellished stiletto nails in bold colors, and a honest, tell-it-like-it is candor. On a recent date with Alexx, a trucking company owner who was the last man in the house left with two women to choose from, she said, "I know you noticed that I don't kiss. I'm just the type of woman where I feel I shouldn't rush anything. When I feel the bag is secure –– when my man is my man –– that's when I'm open to that."
She hasn't always had such confidence in matters of the heart. In college, she met the man she thought she would marry, but he wasn't hearing the same wedding bells, and they ended up going their separate ways. After college, Akins moved to Atlanta, where she rode an emotional roller coaster of relationships that often went from good to bad. "I was dealing with men who were untrue, loved to lie, or had multiple women. After having a good one, then a failed relationship, then a good one, then another failed relationship, I had to say, 'OK Ashlee, this is a pattern. It's you.' I felt it was time to stop accepting things that didn't sound good from the start. I didn't understand my worth at the time."
She decided to stop dating, shift focus on her career, and work toward self-love and self-investment. "I engulfed myself in my career, wholeheartedly. I had to boost myself up and get men out of my head. Sometimes we can get lost in the sauce and think that we need a man, and we forget to boost ourselves up. I became a hot commodity to myself, and then, I knew, I could present myself to someone else. I definitely had to do some soul-searching and stop settling."
Ashlee Akins/AA Dimensions
"I had to boost myself up and get men out of my head. Sometimes we can get lost in the sauce and think that we need a man, and we forget to boost ourselves up."
Beyond finding love, Akins has always had her sights set on a career in entertainment, and she's a woman who's not shy about making the right boss moves to become an actress and TV host. Before joining the show, Akins juggled her day job, helping youth in the Georgia school system, with going on auditions to get gigs that would allow her to satisfy her acting bug.
Akins shared that her career as a speech therapist has allowed her to make a difference, and she wants to be able to use her communications skills in entertainment, representing for women who want to motivate the masses and have a damn good time while doing it. She has a budding lifestyle and empowerment brand called AA Dimensions, which she launched with her mother, Angela Bond.
"I'm all about positivity. I like to keep it real and happy. If I can put a smile on most people's faces through a platform, and I can give something I know I live by to someone else, I know my job is done."
If it's up to Akins, Ready To Lovewon't be the last time you'll see her on any screen. "I plan to get into movies, commercials and hosting. I want to keep going as far and as long as I can. I see myself, professionally, with a business that is growing and doing well. As far as love, I'd like to see myself married –– to a particular someone –– planning our lives together. And hey, his name might be Alexx," she added with a laugh. "Just stay tuned."
To keep up with Ashlee, follow her on Twitter. The finale airs this Saturday, only on OWN.
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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