The Art of Mastering TF Out of Your Twenties
If it's one thing I'm sure of, it's the accuracy of how well SZA was able to capture almost every single phase, worry, and emotion that comes with being in your twenties on her latest album Ctrl.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're stuck in that phase where grocery shopping starts to feel less like a chore and more like fun.
You're in that phase where half of your old high school and college-mates are getting married and have children and the other half have charges pending.
You're in that phase where a job with guaranteed 40 hours a week and a full benefits package sounds like heaven but then again so does drinks and queso with your friends every weekend.
You feel like there's more that you should be doing, that you should be moving forward and yet you don't really know what direction that is.
I get it, I really do but it doesn't have to be this way.
Here are eight things you can do to help you master tf out of your uncertain twenties:
Engage the Power of Community
You are never in things alone, no matter how you may feel and it's better to learn that now. Spend time with and find a tribe of women that will encourage you, convict you when needed, and be that shoulder to cry on when you do have your down moments. There's strength in numbers, sis.
Get to Know Yourself
With all of the beautifully curated lives on social media and the plethora of gurus on television, it can be hard to decipher your wants, needs, and interests from the masses. Get clear on who you are. Not who you "post to be." Figure out what makes you happy, your affirmations, how certain things make you feel, and what's important to you. Dead the noise and get reacquainted with you.
Check Impostor Syndrome at the Door
Listen here sis: YOU ARE AN ACHIEVER.
Stop downplaying your accomplishments and everything you've got you've gotten through hard work and good work. Feeling like a fraud is fake news, okay? This is only the beginning. You're more than able and you belong in every room you find yourself in so walk like it.
Define Your Version of Success
For some people, success is three houses, five luxury cars, a rich spouse, and 2.5 children. For you, it might be getting through an entire workweek without taking a nap, not postponing wash day for two weeks, and cooking yourself dinner five days out of the week instead of going out. Figure out what success looks like for you and make it happen as often as you can.
Understand the Come-Up Doesn't Happen Overnight
Don't let the 'gram fool you. All we see is the highlight reel when it comes to our favorite influencers and celebs. Most of them didn't achieve their level or acclaim and significance right out the gate and you shouldn't expect to either. Use your 20somethings to put in that work that can set you up for a beautiful glow up in the future. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was Oprah's bank account. Do the work.
Practice and Establish a Self-Care Routine
After you get done grinding, take some time to enjoy you. Center yourself in the morning by incorporating some prayer and exercise. Take a break midday and plug into your favorite music for a quick escape. Go watch your favorite movies and buy all your favorite snacks. At the end of the week, after all is said and done, go get your nails done and have drinks with your friends. Treat yo' self.
Remember You Don't Have to Have It All Together
With every phase of life that you find yourself in, you must remember that you've never experienced it before and neither have other people. You've never been in your 20somethings, your parents have never been in their 50somethings. Everyone is literally learning as they go and that's the beautiful thing about growing up. You never stop learning and the minute you try to rid yourself of that fact, you put yourself in an unfair position.
Allow yourself to get it wrong sometimes and know that it's okay. Allow yourself to not know how or what the next right move is and choose to not feel inadequate. Take solace in the fact that we all still honestly have some growing to do.
Good luck on them 20somethings!
- 10 Places You Need To Visit In Your Twenties ›
- BBC - Capital - The harsh lessons of your twenties ›
- 20 Things You Probably Need To Hear In Your Twenties ›
- 50 Signs You've Already Had Way More Success In Your Twenties ... ›
- Why Navigating Your 20s Is Hard | Goop ›
- How You Spend Your 20s Will Define You ›
- 20 Tips To Kill It In Your Twenties: As Told By a Woman In Her 60s ... ›
Black women are not a monolith. We all are deserving of healing and wholeness despite what we've been through, how much money we have in the bank, or what we look like. Most importantly, we are enough—even when we are not working, earning, or serving.
Welcome to Black Girl Whole, your space to find the wellness routine that aligns with you! This brand-new marketplace by xoNecole is a safe space for Black women to activate their healing, find the inspiration to rest, and receive reassurance that we are one small act away from finding our happiness.
Want to discover where you are on your wellness journey? You don't have to look far. In partnership with European Wax Center, we're bringing you a customized wellness quiz to help you up your wellness game. Answer our short series of questions to figure out which type of wellness lover you are, what you need to bring more balance into your life, and then go deeper by shopping products geared towards clearing your mind, healing your body, and soothing your spirit.
Ready to get whole? Take our quiz now!
Pop group OMG Girlz candidly shares their experiences growing up in the music industry, shedding light on their challenges and revealing how they learned to assert themselves by saying no.
For context, OMG Girlz, an acronym for Officially Miss Guided, was founded in 2009 by Tameka "Tiny" Harris and later signed to her Pretty Girl Hustle record label. OMG Girlz consists of group members Zonnique Pullins (Tiny’s daughter), Bahja Rodriguez, and Breaunna Womack.
Despite the group performing on Harris' reality television shows the Tiny & Toya Show and T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle, the OMG Girlz rose to fame after releasing their first official single, "Gucci This (Gucci That)," in 2011. That same year the group performed on the Scream Tour Next Generation after winning The Next Scream Star contest.
Immediately following the Scream Tour Next Generation exposure, OMG Girlz released other tracks, including "Where the Boyz At" and "Baddie," both of which were well received by the public.
OMG Girlz's success didn't stop there. In 2013, the group was nominated for an NAACP Image Award for outstanding new artist, and in the summer of that same year, they also went on tour with Mindless Behavior. Sadly in 2015, OMG Girlz announced that they were disbanding to pursue solo careers.
Fast forward to 2023, the group revealed that they are officially releasing their first single together in over a decade titled "Lover Boy." In a recent interview with xoNecole’s Kayla Walker, OMG Girlz opened up about what they have learned in the music industry, especially prioritizing self-care.
OMG Girlz On Self-Care And Saying No
In the discussion, OMG Girlz group member Bahja Rodriguez disclosed that they had to learn early on to make time for those they love by balancing their personal and professional lives because they were teens when they started working in their field.
"Just really craving out that space, honestly," she said. "We have been in the industry since we were children, so I think we kind of learned how to make sure we’re still having a personal life, taking care of ourselves also while working."
Rodriguez wrapped up her statement by adding that with the girls setting those boundaries, they could also deny certain things or opportunities to protect their mental health.
"But it's really just about knowing how to say no and knowing how to be like 'I need a break. I need my time.' Just letting that be that," she stated.
OMG Girlz's new single "Lover Boy" is scheduled to be released on July 14.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/Getty Images for BET