"Were they even in a 'real' relationship?"
You overhear your best girlfriends say as you grip the box of Kleenex with one hand and tub of ice cream in the other. You pretend not to hear them as you continue bawling your eyes out, wishing it didn't hurt so bad. No, you weren't in an official relationship, but it sure felt like it.
He was the one you called when you had good news or bad, you spent weekends, holidays, and ditch days from work with him. You shared some of your most intimate memories and confided in him things your best friend didn't even know about you! You never intended to get caught up or catch feelings for someone you weren't official with, but you did. When you finally realized your arrangement wasn't enough, it was too late and you were already too deep.
Fortunately, life will go on. These tips are sure to help you move on from Mr. Wrong.
1. Delete, Delete, Delete
Delete him from Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Whatsapp, and Twitter. Delete his number, delete his cousins, delete his friends, block him. Seeing his face everyday is not conducive to you moving on. You will constantly be reminded of the times you shared, or even worse, have to see him making memories with his newest love interest. Do you really want to put yourself through that heartache? He didn't see enough worth in you to make things official, so why should you hold onto him? You don't need him, so stop cyberstalking him and checking to see the last time he was on Whatsapp. Simply stop, delete, and block.
2. Stop Communicating With Him
Seriously, how many more times do you need him to tell you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship? One closure conversation is more than enough. Don't give him the satisfaction of even knowing he still crosses your mind. If it helps, change his number to "Don't answer." Block him if he's persistent. He had his chance with you, don't allow him to waste your time. You already know his feelings are not mutual. What more is there to know? Talking to him is only going to allow you to open yourself back up to him. Hang up the phone, delete the unsent text message, and let it go.
3. Talk to Your Honest Friends
We all have at least one friend who we know we can count on to always be honest with us. She is the friend who will tell you NOT to wear that dress, that you have lipstick on your teeth, and it's time to start hitting the gym. Though tact may not always be her forte, honesty is. She will let you know it's time to move on from the guy she warned you about from the beginning. She will remind you of all the things you told her you hated about him and why it's important for you to move on. Stay away from your sappy friends during this time. The hopeless romantics will only steer you in the wrong direction. Keep honest Betty in your corner; she is the one who will help you move on.
4. Get Moving
You should get into something that not only makes you look good, but feel good, too! Exercising creates endorphins, which make you happy. What better feeling is there than happiness? Exercising will also help you look and feel wonderful! Plus, you will be so exhausted from working out you won't even have time to think about him! Join a gym or buy some workout equipment for home. Just get those buns moving.
Have a friend work out with you so you can hold each other accountable. The more you workout, the better you will look and feel.
5. Get Out of the House
Girl, if you don't get off that couch! Staying home obsessing over what he said, what he didn't say, and why you are still single, is not going to change anything. Overthinking is not going to solve your problems. Of course it is important to have time to yourself, but every single weekend should not be dedicated to Netflix and pizza. Get moving. Go out with your girlfriends. Go on a date, get your nails done, just go! Being around people who love and appreciate you is the greatest gift you can give yourself right now. One guy should not be the end of your social life. Think back to the things you enjoyed doing before him. Do that, but make sure you do it outside of your house.
6. Set Goals
Now that you have plenty of time to yourself, why not set some goals you've been putting off. The great thing about being completely single is that it gives you time to reflect on things you need to do! You don't have to worry about how anyone else feels or what they are thinking. Your thoughts should be 100% on bettering YOU. Create a vision board of short- and long-term goals and write out a list of things you want to accomplish that you have been putting off. Every time you complete a goal, scratch it off your list, and add another one.
7. Try Something New
Have you ever been to the movies by yourself? Or even taken yourself to lunch? Have you been to the museum in your city? Have you ever traveled to a new city alone? Tried a cooking class perhaps? There are so many things that you have probably never even experienced that you've been dying to do. Write a list of things that you have always wanted to do. If it requires a little extra money, put money to the side and save up for it. Build a greater connection with yourself, become a little more cultured, find out what you enjoy doing! Spend time getting to know you!
Ok, now it's time to do some reflecting! What in the heck went wrong? Did he let you know from the beginning he wasn't interested in a relationship? Did you not care at first and eventually grow feelings? Did you think you could change his mind? Usually, unless a guy is a complete charming psychopath, there are signs from the very beginning of how he really feels for you. Was he supportive of your dreams? Was he dependable? Did he show you off to his friends and family? Did he vow to one day make you his? Whatever it was that he did or did not do, it's time to move on.
Write a letter to yourself and one to him. In the letter to him, say all the things you ever wanted to say to him. In the letter to yourself, tell yourself that even though you made a mistake, you are still phenomenal. Write down all the things you love about you. Keep your letter to yourself, burn his.
Alternative: Seal his letter in an envelope and date it. When you open the letter years later, you'll remember how you felt. But, it's a good feeling to look back and realize that what you thought was meant for you, really wasn't. You are over it now and it's a lesson learned.
9. Break Bad Habits
Do you get the urge to see him every time you drink? Do you find yourself turning to that bottle of wine you keep for special occasions every time he crosses your mind? Put it down! Drinking can lead to a whole lot of emotions that you don't need right now. Instead of picking up a bottle of alcohol, how about doing something good for your body? Juice some fresh fruits and vegetables, drink a gallon of water, eat a salad. Then, go for a run or call a friend and tell them about your day. Or call honest Betty so she can set you straight.
10. Forgive Him
Maybe he led you on. Afterwards, he might have acted like the spawn of Satan himself. He might have made you feel pain you never thought you could. At the end of the day, you have to forgive him. If not for him, do it for yourself.
He might not even know you are upset. He's probably living his life without a care in the world while you sit at home throwing darts at his pictures. Despite how mad at him you may be, you are only hurting yourself. Forgive him and forgive yourself for staying in a situation that was going nowhere. When you allow yourself to release that anger, you will feel so much better.
11. Go on a Date
Reactivate that SoulSwipe or Tinder account. Ask your friends to set you up on a blind date, or let the guy who has been hounding you for months finally take you out! I'm not saying to get in a relationship or, God forbid, another situationship tomorrow, and definitely don't sleep with anyone, but go on a good old fashioned date. It's important to know that the guy you were dating is not the only man in the world and there are plenty of other men who are dying to spend some one-on-one time with you. Meet new people, create new experiences, and get your feet wet in the dating scene again. Dating is great for your ego and for your life. You might meet a few frogs or you might also meet prince charming, but one thing is for sure, you won't meet anyone sitting on the couch. Get back out there and date!
Are you an artist in your own right? Channel all of that pent up energy and frustration you have towards your art! Pen a poem, write a song, paint a picture. Utilize your creative abilities to express your feelings. You might just be the next Taylor Swift or Jhene Aiko.
Though breakups of any kind can be painful, there is always a silver lining. Remember pain is inevitable, suffering is not. Wipe away that tear so it doesn't mess up your makeup, reapply your lipstick, light a candle, and move on honey! You are more than equipped to get past this situation.
Tell me, what's your method of choice to get over a situationship?
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn't trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on Twitter and Instagram also check out her website. www.ashleyreneepoet.com