Everyone Can't Afford To Quit Their Job To Travel The World. And That's OK.
For me, the thought of traveling to the next destination is greater than any high that I could ever experience. The luxury of trotting around the globe is one that I consider to be a blessing. But don't believe the hype, I need to work a 9-5 to do it. And quite honestly, I'm tired of hearing narratives about people who "dropped everything" to see the world. They'd explain that they had $10-20K in the bank saved up and they decided to just get up and go! More power to them (or you) if this is their reality, but I've got BILLS! Day-to-day expenses, kids, student loan debt, etc. make it necessary for many of us to punch a clock just to make ends meet, let alone plan a vacation.
My wanderlust obsession came later in life. By the time I began to travel on a regular basis, I was already running the corporate rat race trying to pay back student loans that I had taken out for both my Bachelor's and Master's degrees. The last thing on my mind was walking away from my "bread and butter" to travel full-time. Yeah, I know. It's possible to get to the point where you can get paid to travel regularly, but even that takes time. Parenthood can present challenges as well. And while I don't have children, I often speak to parents who talk about how working around their children's social and school schedules in addition to getting the money required to do it all can many times force them to put their wanderlust on the back burner.
But despite life's demands, it is possible to create a balance between juggling responsibilities and setting aside time and money to travel. Here are some creative ways to do it:
1.Use a portion of pay increases to create a travel fund.
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Even if it's $5 or $10 dollars per week, a little can go a long way. You can either open up a bank account and have the money automatically taken out during a certain time of the month so that you never see it, or it can be as simple as a jar on the counter that you contribute to regularly. Using a pay raise or work bonus is a great way to reward yourself with money toward that trip that you've been looking forward to. $10 a week could go towards a one-way or roundtrip flight by the end of the year, depending on the airline and where you're traveling.
2.Establish your needs vs. wants.
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Sis, do you really need that Frappuccino? Establishing want you need to spend your money on and what you don't, could make the difference between you actually going on that dream vacation or just fantasizing about it while scrolling through pics on social media. Sometimes, you can't buy the pretty wardrobe and fly out to show it off. Also, forgoing your favorite lunch and packing a turkey sandwich and a salad could save you hundreds of dollars a year that could go towards your travel fund. If travel is important, make sacrifices that help to get you closer to your goals.
3.Make time to just do it.
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We're all busy! Especially if you're a parent with a full-time job. It's never going to be a perfect time to travel if you have a ton of responsibilities. And in many cases, by the time we think that it's a perfect time, something else comes up and we miss the window to book a great getaway. So pick a couple of dates at the beginning of the year, lock in the time off, and just pay for the trip! This way, you can't talk yourself out of not going (due to life's responsibilities) at the last minute. Remember, you deserve to unwind. So just do it! If you're worried about a last minute emergency, buy travel insurance, or book a flight on an airline like Southwest that doesn't penalize you for last minute cancellations and gives you flexibility to make changes at no extra charge.
4.Be smart when planning family vacations.
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Parents: if you travel for work, make your points you earn count by using the miles that you've accumulated towards a family vacation. You can also book during airline sales to make your points go further. Also, signing up for a credit card used strictly for travel is an awesome way to get more bang for your buck with hotels, dining, airlines and more! Finally, buying into a timeshare when you have a large family, helps to not only save money, but the multiple rooms and space gives couples a little more privacy than if they had simply booked a double bed at a regular hotel.
5.Put your trip on layaway.
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Do research on "vacation layaway" services that allow you to put a little money down per month six months to a year ahead of your trip. The services come with a fee and can require a deposit as low as ten percent. You can make specified payments for the length of your contract agreement leading up to the trip. It is important to read the fine print when putting a vacation on layaway so as to be sure that you're covered and insured if a last minute emergency arises. Websites like Airfordable.com and FlightLayaway.com are great places to start. You can also check with your favorite airline and ask about payment plans if you don't have the money to pay the full amount for your flight.
Related Stories
How To Travel The World With A Full-Time Job - Read More
I Went Broke Trying To Live My Best Life - Read More
How NOT Vacationing Helped Me Live My Best Life - Read More
Featured image by Getty Images
- How Can You NOT Afford To Travel? | HuffPost Life ›
- What to Do When You Have a Travel Itch You Can't Scratch ›
- The problem with “how I afford to travel” posts – Snarky Nomad ›
- You're Right — You Probably Can't Afford To Travel | Thought Catalog ›
- Why You Can't Afford To Travel (& What You Can Do About It ... ›
- I Want to Travel But I Can't Afford It - Global Goose Travel Blog ›
- How We Afford to Travel (& How You Can Too) - Thrifty Nomads ›
- Stop pretending everyone can travel - Oneika the Traveller ›
Tiffany D. Smith is a TV journalist by day and food and travel influencer by night from Chicago, IL. Since being bitten by the travel bug a few years ago, she uses her blog TheLoveofFoodandTravel.com to encourage people to release their fears, step out of their comfort zones, and explore new places and great food. When Tiffany isn't working in live TV or blogging, she enjoys kickboxing, watching 70's shows, and spending time with friends and family. Keep up with her @loveoffoodandtravel on IG.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
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I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images