Teyana Taylor & Iman Shumpert Aren't Trying To Be Anyone's #RelationshipGoals
I'm a perfectionist by nature. Everything I do has to be done right or it has to be done well or there's no point in doing it at all, and I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason I'm single and have no plans on getting into a relationship anytime soon. While I may have once dreamed of an unflawed fairytale life for myself, as an adult, I understand that some of the most beautiful things in life are imperfect as f*ck.
Occasions wouldn't be quite as memorable and people wouldn't be quite as fun if everything and everyone was perfect, so taking the time to appreciate the things that aren't can make life a lot less stressful for you and everyone around you.
Teyana Taylor and her husband Iman Shumpert look at their marriage through this lens and say they couldn't be happier. In an interview with ESSENCE, Teyana opened up about her relationship and revealed that although their love life may look perfect to us, she and her husband aren't out here trying to be anybody's #RelationshipGoals:
Prince Williams/WireImage
"I don't want my supporters to feel like we're untouchable. I don't want y'all to think we're Perfect Pattys, because that's just not real."
After shooting his shot unsuccessfully for years, Iman finally got a shot with his dream girl in 2014 after her widely publicized breakup with a former lover. Iman and Teyana's semi-platonic friendship eventually evolved into a budding romance and later welcomed their now three-year-old daughter and tied the knot in a secret wedding in 2016, proving that your King Charming might be sitting on 'read' in your DMs as we speak.
Teyana admitted that although Iman was far from her type initially, eventually, she couldn't help but give in to his charm. In an interview last year, she told VH1:
"When you catch butterflies, do you run away from it and get scared and miss out on love? Or do you just follow your gut? What does your gut tell you? And at that moment, I caught butterflies no matter what my feelings were on him five minutes prior, I was in love."
Three years later, the couple is still emitting major marital bliss vibes, but she says it's important to know that a love like theirs takes work. The Shumperts look happy AF because they are, but that didn't come with some good old fashioned communication.
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Last year, Teyana Taylor blessed reality television for the second time after her Sweet Sixteen debut with her family-centric VH1 show, Teyana & Iman. The couple expressed that their hesitancy to become reality stars was replaced by the desire to become positive role models for other black couples.
Although we got to see the Shumpert family magic in all of its glory, the show also featured its fair share of drama. Teyana explained that it's important to show the good times, but it's also imperative to show that things aren't always so good because that's what makes a relationship genuine:
"I think sometimes it takes other couples to see like, 'Damn, they were able to talk and get through it. That's inspirational."
Read Teyana's full interview with ESSENCE here!
Featured image by Prince Williams/WireImage
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images