Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they spend it.
Born Sara Hood in a Sudan refugee camp after her parents escaped a civil war, this Seattle-bred influencer does not show any signs that she has been through any of the hardships she has ever endured. As a mother of two— including a first-born diagnosed with autism— Sara Lovestyle uses the many hats she wears as a mother, wife, advocate, and entrepreneur to demonstrate the true definition of living a "lovestyle", a pseudonym that was born out of her desire to live a life of happiness, wholeness and health.
In this installment of "Money Talks", xoNecole spoke with the 33-year-old social media coach and lifestyle influencer about the importance of investing, generational wealth being the greatest form of wealth, and her worst money mistake of not trusting her gut instinct.
On how much she saves and if it’s in a high-yield savings account:
"When it comes to being an influencer, it took me two years before I started making money and four years before it was significant. I've also discovered it's not so much about what you make (revenue) but what you keep (profit), so I do projections for my business revenue and personal income for a year, along with the budget. I also prioritize what needs to be done to retain a certain level of profit margin, normally at 30 percent, and I believe in saving/investing 20 percent."
On her definitions of wealth and success:
"The greatest form of wealth is generational wealth in the form of financial prosperity you can pass down from one generation to the next. Wealth at its core is also the financial freedom to do what you want to do when you want to do it—creating a prosperity engine where my kids are able to do the same, too…in perpetuity, as T.I. would say (laughs). Success to me is more than just financial freedom. It's the impact I can create and the legacy I can leave.
"Success is evolving to a level of impact where you can empower others. It's being able to start a VC fund for black, brown, and female entrepreneurs because we are so underrepresented and underfunded. Success is all about the tables I can build and fill for others. Whose lives did I touch with my success? Who did I encourage, uplift, impact with my success? Success for oneself leads to a lonely life, and I want so much more than that. Success is not a self-centered pathway to acquiring more clout and material possessions. It's empowering more leaders of excellence and creating the bold audacious change the world needs."
Courtesy of Sara Lovestyle
"Success is all about the tables I can build and fill for others. Success for oneself leads to a lonely life, and I want so much more than that. Success is not a self-centered pathway to acquiring more clout and material possessions. It's empowering more leaders of excellence and creating the bold audacious change the world needs."
On the lowest she’s ever felt when it came to her finances, and how she overcame it:
"In college, I was working at the gas station and at the mall making below minimum wage. I was literally working 16 hours every day while taking a full load of college credit hours. It was rough because I was in sheer survival mode, working whatever hours were necessary to pay rent and stay in school. The interesting thing about the low points when dealing with finances is that they made me scrappy and stronger. It's where my hustle and drive come from. I hustle the same at my lowest and at my highest because to level up from any spot always requires everything you got."
On her biggest splurge to date:
"My biggest splurge is my house. It's where I spend the most time. It's where I raise my children. But the biggest splurge inside my house is the chandelier in my office (laughs). I budgeted for everything, but my chandelier I had to have…because it was a symbol that made me feel like a boss. I love looking up at it because it reminds me to grind and continue to level up…every single day. Success is leased not owned, and rent is due every day."
Courtesy of Sara Lovestyle
On whether she’s a spender or a saver:
"I am a little bit of both. Majority of my splurges are for my business, and I don't consider them splurges; they are investments into my business. If I want to splurge on a purse or shoe I will, but it's planned and calculated if I earned it. If it's a reward, I will. Also, the rule I have is similar to what Jay-Z said. If I can't afford something three times, I don't buy it. If I can buy it once, I consider it a negative, if I can afford it twice, I break even, and if I can afford it three times, then I'm still in the positive.
"Another thing that I do is I plan my finances, my goals, and budgets for my entire year. I break it down to the month, and I have a specific budget each month. I'm blessed as well because my parents made sure to teach me financial literacy starting really young."
"The rule I have is similar to what Jay-Z said. If I can't afford something three times, I don't buy it. If I can buy it once, I consider it a negative, if I can afford it twice, I break even, and if I can afford it three times, then I'm still in the positive."
On the importance of investing:
"It's interesting I went from having never invested to several in a matter of months. Investing has expanded my mind to many experiences and knowledge I would've never gotten in different sectors of business. I invest in financial investments (stocks), and normally put 10 percent of my income toward it. In addition, I make business investments as an angel investor, which I'm most proud of. I invested into Moon UltraLight, an innovative new touch-controlled mobile lighting device designed to clip onto any smartphone or tablet. Its founder is a genius black entrepreneur named Ed Madongorere.
"The number one tip I would give before investing in a business is, you're investing in the person not the business. There could be an exceptional business idea, but if the founder doesn't have a plan of execution or isn't focused, then it won't matter. A recommendation I would also give is to truly study the industry that you're passionate about. Binge on as much information as you can, and then connect with others in the same industry."
On her savings goals and what retirement looks like to her:
"My savings goal is to have three years of emergency savings in reserves. I am intentionally building cash flow systems so that I can be in position to retire in seven years by 40. At that point, my goal is to have built enough cash reserves and investments where I could live off the interest if I wanted to for the rest of my life. At this stage, I imagine [in my] retirement [that I am] still being impactful, so it would be filled with philanthropy, travel, and my family."
Courtesy of Sara Lovestyle
"My savings goal is to have three years of emergency savings in reserves. I am intentionally building cash flow systems so that I can be in position to retire in seven years by 40. At that point my goal is to have built enough cash reserves and investments where I could live off the interest if I wanted to for the rest of my life."
On her budgeting must-haves:
"Before you even make a substantial amount of money, you should always have a budget. It's the foundation to managing your finances. The basics of a budget is you must understand. To the penny. What's coming in or out. What is a necessity (i.e. rent/mortgage) and what's a want? Something I've noticed with even some of my own friends is [people] not paying attention to any subscriptions they have. Sure an app might only be $1.99 or something is $29.99, and something else is only $49.99, but all of that adds up. You have to stay on top of it all with a budget. The same discipline it takes to manage $1,000 is the same it takes to manage $1 million."
On her intentions behind multiple streams of revenue:
"When I created my lifestyle influencer platform, I was initially a make-up stylist and beauty influencer, and make-up styling services became a primary income stream. As I began to pivot and expand, I created income streams for even more influencer passions I have coined a 'Lovestyle' which includes fitness, cooking, and social media influencer coaching. The streams of revenue created for these areas of influence include sponsored social media posts and affiliate marketing, cookbooks, cooking classes, fine dining pop-up events, Belay & Bell Spices — and influencer coaching with my new business partnership with AgencyLuxCo and business partner Taylor Winbush.
"Having only one source as an influencer and entrepreneur isn't smart for me. Social media is a billion-dollar industry. To not have several streams would be doing myself and my audience a disservice, especially because all of my services are tangible, measurable, and scalable resources for others and their businesses."
On unhealthy money habits and mindsets:
"I would say an unhealthy habit is operating with a scarcity mindset. The thought of 'Is it enough?' can be stressful. It can consume you as well as take up precious mental space and energy with worry. I had to understand that to travel far in business and to truly be successful I needed to spend on my team, resources, software, and the things required to make me successful in my businesses. Once I changed my mindset, my businesses began to grow exponentially."
On her money mantra:
"What gets measured gets done."
On the craziest thing she’s ever done for money:
"I'm structured in my personal life, in my business, and I'm certainly structured with my finances. It's rare I'll make random purchases. If it doesn't make sense or if I can do without it, I just won't. The other thing is I rarely buy on trend. That goes for shoes, clothes, furniture—whatever. Even the items in my closet for the most part aren't [trends]. The problem with following trends is that trends change, and trends aren't budget-friendly because you always have to keep up."
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"The worst money mistakes I've made all happened because I did not follow my instincts. I was presented with a business deal that I didn't feel good about, but I did it to please others I cared about. The structure was wrong, there was no long-term plan, and I didn't trust the business owner completely. Within 90 days, the business collapsed, and I lost all the money I had invested. It makes me sick to my stomach to this day because I didn't trust my instincts that were 100 percent right. Discernment is real, and every mistake I've made is because I didn't listen to my spirit and it always backfired."
On her budget breakdown:
"My budget breakdown for my business is one-third goes back into the business, one-third toward business expenses, and one-third is for me. Keep in mind for a long time I did not take a salary. It was more important to keep my team and put it back into my business. When I teach financial budgeting for influencers, I normally use this breakdown for personal expenses:
Housing: 40%
Auto: 15%
Expenses: 20%
Savings/Investments: 15%
Wants: 10%"For more Sara Lovestyle, follow her on Instagram or visit her official website.
Featured Image Courtesy of Sara Lovestyle
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
Featured image by Shutterstock