Growing up in a retirement home, Jas Waters, widely known as JasFly, didn't have what many of us would consider a "normal" childhood, but one thing our good sis did have was the audacity, a tool she would need to break down doors in an industry that told her she didn't belong. In a 2018 interview with Shadow and Act, she explained:
"First of all, this s**t is hard in and of itself. Making film and TV is hard, and then to add on the cultural politics, it's incredibly hard. Also, you've got to remember, I'm the kid that willed my way forward. I got here shoulders first, and so that same audacity is there in the room. That same audacity is there in the meetings; it's there on set. It's always going to be there because that's who I am."
Jas, who had a hand in crafting scripts for movies like Barbershop, Spiderman, and Save the Last Dance as well as on shows like This Is Us and Showtime's Kidding, began her career nearly two decades ago and quickly became known in the media industry for her wit and authentic demeanor.
As an entertainment journalist, television producer, and certified home chef, Jas mostly stayed out the mix, but that didn't stop her from inspiring TF out of writers all over the country and developing some lifelong friendships in the process. Celebrities like Issa Rae, John Mayer, Susan Kelechi Watson, and Amber Riley have all sent their condolences for the Evanston, Illinois-born writer, who has left a signature on the world that won't be soon forgotten. The gone-too-soon creative told Shadow And Act that although her life wasn't easy, it was always by design.
"This was always the plan for my life, even before I knew it. A billion things had to conspire together for me to get here. Listen, I was raised in an old folks' home. I never had a traditional life; I never had a safe, cookie-cutter, predictable, affirming life. From the moment I got here, the rules didn't apply to me. If the basic rules of raising a kid didn't apply to me, then nothing else really applies to me. So I just had to figure it out. There were several times in my life that I found to be very confining. But as I look back on it, it was very freeing."
Too often, we miss out on giving women their flowers before they're gone, but JasFly deserves a whole bouquet, damn it.
Many Of Her Storylines Reflected Her Own Life
In her interview with Shadow and Act, Jas revealed that Randall and Kate from This Is Us were only two of the many examples of when art imitated life during her career. According to her, after being adopted and struggling with weight loss, writing storylines for these characters was an opportunity to tell her own story. She explained:
"I tended to pitch more from my real life. I've lived a lot of life. I've lost 111 pounds, so I understood weight and weight loss, which is Kate's story."
"So as we were working on (the show), I was working through things. Thankfully, Dan (Fogelman), Isaac (Aptaker) and Elizabeth (Berger) are so great at really wanting authentic stories. The audience can tell what's real and what's not. You can't fool the audience, nor should you want to. So I pulled a lot from my real life."
Her Heart Was Unapologetically Huge
When you read tributes to Jas on social media, you'll notice that our good sis never came up short on the kindness tip. At the beginning of the pandemic, she even offered to help her followers with groceries with no questions asked.
She Was A Home Chef
While the quarantine may have brought the inner-chef out of Jas, she wasn't new to the culinary game, she was true to it. The media maven spent her spare time whipping up recipes that she learned in her spare time and frequently shared her creations on social media.
Featured image by Twitter/@jasfly.
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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