

My name is Sheriden and I am currently 2.3 years into the healthiest relationship of my life. I worked for this love and I manifested this love and every day that passes, I am eternally grateful that we choose each other. Nothing is perfect, not even a healthy relationship, but I must say that I don’t expect perfection. I just expect effort, understanding, compassion, and stability. What I love about our story is that there are so many things that could have kept us away from each other: being long-distance, being from two different countries, and being in the middle of a pandemic, but we constantly found ways to make our love work because there was an ease (despite our circumstances) and a willingness that neither of us had ever experienced.
What drew me to my boyfriend more than the romance was how loving he was. Even though he worried about operating from a place of coldness, his vulnerability, his affirming nature, supportive ways, and warmth with his words and his actions showed me and continue to show me the opposite of that. He is like no one I've ever experienced. He reminded me of the way I treated myself and therefore I felt love in a way that I had always seen it molded for me, but not necessarily shown to me. And for that, I will always look to him with fondness.
When attracting my relationship, I leaned on a list of non-negotiables I created after reading Shan Boody’s The Game of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance--and Getting What You Want. What I loved about that list was it held me accountable for the qualities I was looking for in a romantic relationship, my ideal partner, and therefore my ideal partnership. This internal dialogue got me thinking about the qualities of a partner that is ideal in healthy, loving relationships but more specifically to the people taking part in the relationship. Your partner has to be the ideal partner for you, and although there might be qualities seen as universal, there are some that might rank higher in significance than others.
So, whether you are single and not ready to mingle, actively dating, or in a relationship, below are some essential qualities to look for in a partner. Feel free to add or subtract based on your own individual needs.
1. Empathy
Someone who has empathy displays two things: that they are available to their partner emotionally and that they care about the other person's feelings as they do their own. What’s important to note here is that being empathetic isn’t the same thing as agreeing with everything that is said or expressed by a partner in a relationship. Instead, empathy looks like understanding and understanding is important in relationship-building, making the partner feel seen and heard, as well as increasing a sense of connection and cooperation. According to psychotherapist Cindy Sigal, AMFT, “Empathy bridges the divide between being separate individuals with different backgrounds, feelings, and perspectives.”
2. Self-awareness
Self-awareness informs the ability to self-reflect. Through self-awareness, a person can resist the urge to blame, self-victimize, or retreat and instead own who they are, their behaviors, their values, and their responses. By doing this, a person who is self-aware can be honest with themselves and address and/or correct potentially problematic characteristics about themselves. It’s not that someone who is self-aware avoids certain arguments or disagreements, but they are able to better navigate them by not putting the responsibility of their triggers or responses onto their partner.
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3. Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is essential for a good life, so there’s no wonder why it can also have such a positive effect on one’s romantic life. A crucial part of developing a bond is the ability to relate to one another and sharing a good sense of humor is an easy way to do that. Humor enhances connection and intimacy between two people. Humor can also come in handy when managing conflict effectively. Let's be real, it's hard to stay mad at someone when that inside joke they always share to relieve tension enters the conversation. Humor is a sign of playfulness and playfulness is a sign of enjoyment which ultimately leads to a more satisfying, fulfilling relationship.
4. Respect
Respect is considered to be the foundation of a healthy, successful relationship, and rightfully so. If there was ever any wonder of what respect is in relationships, respect is the acknowledgment and the acceptance of a person as a whole individual outside of the relationship. They have their own feelings, they have their own ideas and perspectives, they have their own experiences, and respect for them is saying that that is okay. When there's respect, two people can openly talk to each other about any and everything, lead with honesty, give space when needed, respect boundaries, listen to each other actively, and ultimately value the other person’s needs.
5. Openness
Openness was briefly touched on in the previous quality mentioned in this article, but it deserves a section of its own. The ability to be open goes hand in hand with effective communication. Openness is a standard of communication that creates a feeling of safety, security, validation, and depth. Instead of walking on eggshells or a feeling of keeping the peace, a partner who is open can be honest about their needs, feelings, fears, insecurities, etc. without fear of repercussion or the relationship ending. This avoids creating resentment in relationships which can often be damaging to a relationship if left unchecked.
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6. Patience
As the bible says, "Love is patient." And there is a lot of truth to that. Trust is important and so is respect, but something a little understated to the longevity of a relationship is one's ability to be patient. According to marriage.com, patience is the opposite of aggression which means that space is created to allow for a healthy communicative approach that encourages the other person to remain open rather than shut down. It also is a quality that demonstrates one's ability to show that they value their partner beyond whatever conflict or flaws arise. It shows an uncanny ability to weather the storm without punishing the other person for what they might internalize as something being "wrong" with them.
7. Affection
Affection is another essential in a healthy relationship. Affection adds a layer of intimacy that isn't always as present in non-romantic relationships. As such, it is important that the person in a relationship understands that there is a degree of warmth and kindness that should be expressed in an outward way. Some forms of affection (like handholding or various forms of PDA) might be more important to some people than others, but warmth and closeness should be something expressed in a partnership, whether it's verbal, emotional, or physical acts of affection. Being open to giving and open to receiving affection in a romantic relationship adds pleasure and further connection in relationships.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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'When You Build It, They Can’t Tell You You Can’t Sit': DJ Miss Milan, Marsai Martin & More Talk Confidence
The Marie Claire Power Play Summit wasn’t just another branded panel event—it was an inspiring, sometimes emotional, and always honest look at what it really takes to rise, thrive, and stay at the top. From Olympians to entrepreneurs, artists to execs, the room was full of powerful women sharing the real stories behind their highlight reels. I walked away moved by their vulnerability, strength, and refusal to dim their light.
Here are some of my favorite takeaways from three standout panels featuring Jordan Chiles, Marsai Martin, and Kandi Burruss.
Leveling Up Your A-Game with Jordan Chiles, Morgan Shaw Parker, Chelsea Fishman, Laura Correnti, and Tabitha Turner-Wilkins
Jordan Chiles
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Olympic gymnast Jordan may have medals and magazine covers to her name, but her mindset is refreshingly grounded. “The day I finally feel pressure,” she said, “will be the day I know there’s still more for me to learn.” For her, joy—not pressure—is the fuel. Her confidence isn’t performative; it’s rooted in family, self-worth, and authenticity.
“Everything I’ve done in my career—tattoos, long nails, rocking my crew at the Olympics—that’s all me. It’s not because someone told me to do it. It’s because I felt confident doing it. And that’s where my ambition comes from: being my authentic self.”
For Morgan Shaw Parker, President & COO of the Atlanta Dream, the conversation around pressure went even deeper. “Legacy work” is how she described her mission—navigating male-dominated spaces, sometimes pregnant and pumping on NFL team planes. “After COVID and George Floyd,” she shared, “it became clear to me: vulnerability is power. You don’t have to show up perfect to lead.”
Chelsea Fishman, founder of Atlanta's first bar dedicated to women’s sports, Jolene Jolene, shared how the haters (especially the Reddit kind) were her confirmation: “All those comments saying it would fail—those were the signs that I was doing something right.” She’s hosted 25+ watch parties already and is building the very community they said would never come.
This panel also touched on ambition, authenticity, and owning your power—both in sneakers and in suits. One of the best mic-drop moments came when the moderator flipped the question: “What if we stopped making ‘power’ a bad word for women?” A nod-worthy reminder that we’re not here to play small.
Making Your Voice Heard with Marsai Martin, Carol Martin, Miss Milan, and Heather McMahan
Marsai Martin
Paras Griffin/ Getty Images for Power Play
This panel was a masterclass in staying grounded while growing up—or glamming up—on the global stage. Actress and producer Marsai talked about what it’s like to show up in high-pressure moments when your confidence is low but the world is still watching. From red carpets to long shoot days, she reminded us that even when you’re not at 100%, you still find a way to push through.
“There have been days where I wasn’t feeling the best, but I still had to show up on this carpet. Or it was that time of the month, but I still had to go on set. I just didn’t feel as confident—but it’s about how you take care of yourself in those moments and still keep pushing.”
Her mom and business partner Carol Martin dropped gems about motherhood and mentorship: “It’s like teaching your kid to ride a bike over and over again. Now the bike is a movie or a brand.” That balance between guiding and letting go? Not easy—but essential when you’re raising a mogul and running a company.
“There have been days where I wasn’t feeling the best, but I still had to show up on this carpet. Or it was that time of the month, but I still had to go on set. I just didn’t feel as confident—but it’s about how you take care of yourself in those moments and still keep pushing.”
Miss Milan, Grammy Award-winning DJ and Doechii’s right-hand woman, lit the crowd up with her no-nonsense energy. “I built my own table,” she said. “When you build it, they can’t tell you you can’t sit.” From journaling her dreams to manifesting Grammys, her story is one of resilience and intention—and a whole lot of faith in her own vision.
This panel didn’t shy away from hard truths either: the sadness that can come with success, the fear of fading relevance, the criticism that hits differently when it’s personal. But Marsai said it best: know your why. And let it evolve with you.
The Cost of Starting Your Own Business with Kandi Burruss and Nikki Ogunnaike
Kandi Burruss
Carol Lee Rose/ Getty Images for Marie ClaireKandi doesn’t sugarcoat the grind. From chart-topping songwriter to multi-business entrepreneur, she’s built her empire one risk—and one reinvention—at a time.
“Fear equals failure. If you don’t even try, you’ve failed automatically —and you did it to yourself. I’d rather take a risk and lose money than play it safe and never know what could’ve happened.”
She broke down the real costs of entrepreneurship: money, time, and emotional bandwidth. “You think you’re going to work less when you work for yourself?” she laughed. “You’re going to work more.” For Kandi, mommy guilt and financial setbacks are part of the package—but so is the satisfaction of seeing an idea through.
She opened up about scaling back on her clothing store and temporarily closing the original Old Lady Gang location. “It felt like failure,” she admitted, “but sometimes you have to step back to make things better.” Still, she’s not one to quit. She just pivots—with precision.
One of her most memorable reflections? How her music career hiccup led her to songwriting—ultimately writing the mega-hit “No Scrubs.” That song became the key to a new lane and legacy. “You may think you’re working on one dream,” she said, “but it could open the door to another.”
Also? Kandi wants you to stop emailing her from a Gmail. “You’re doing million-dollar business on a bootleg budget,” she joked. “Invest in yourself. Start with a domain name!”
The Marie Claire Power Play Summit was a powerful reminder that ambition, authenticity, and vulnerability aren’t separate traits—they work in tandem. Whether you’re building a bar, a brand, or a business from scratch, the key is to stay rooted in your voice, your story, and your why.
And if you need a sign to go for it? Consider this your green light.
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/ Getty Images for Power Play