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'Put A Ring On It': Dr. Nicole Has Advice For How Couples Can Improve Their Relationships
OWN’s dating reality series Put A Ring On It is back! The third season of the hit show features a new batch of couples who are at a crossroads in their relationships, deciding whether or not they should get married or end their relationship. In a particularly spicy move, the show has the couples date outside of their relationship to see what areas need strengthening to make their relationship better. xoNecole caught up with the show’s relationship coach Dr. Nicole LaBeach who says that fans can expect more of the same messy drama and “more couples trying to figure it out.”
Here’s Dr. Nicole’s best advice on how couples can improve their relationships.
xoNecole: What is it about dating outside of the relationship that brings clarity to couples about their own relationship?
Dr. Nicole LaBeach: [It’s] not just dating outside of the relationship, it really is [about] having a coach to help the couple figure out the answers to the questions that they've really been seeking to help them make a different move in their relationship. A lot of times our couples have thoughts in their mind, “Is the grass greener on the other side?” “If I would've done this differently, maybe this would've been a different result.”
What the dating of other couples gives them the opportunity to do is push those limits. To see are you really interested in watering your grass over here and making this grow and flourish, or is your intentionality to do something different? And if that's the case, then maybe this is not the opportunity for you to build forward in the future.
xoNecole: What are the biggest problems you have noticed couples face when trying to commit to marriage with one another?
DN: Communication. That's the big one. How they communicate, how they resolve conflict, what’s their recovery time is in resolving those conflicts. And can they really build together and give each other enough room? Because it's really about both people being able to be a part of what is the winning relationship. So, can they make enough room for each other and can they communicate effectively with some of life's greatest challenges and the simple ones and still be together in the process?
xoNecole: What is your advice for couples who want to communicate better?
DN: A lot of times our communication patterns have been learned from different relationships, often [from] our family of origin and different places that sometimes serve us very well and sometimes don't. It's our job to recognize that listening is very important and listening to hear and understand, not just listening to respond. So often when our mate is trying to communicate something to us, we've got an instant choice to make: do we really wanna hear what they have to say, or do we wanna hear to defend our position?
In our show what we get to do is help couples recognize that self-criticism will cause harm [and] criticism to their partner and criticism to themselves in communication will cause harm. Defensiveness will cause harm in the communication of the relationship [as well as] stonewalling [which is] where you just shut down. There are couples that shut down and for a couple of days, they are not on the same team. They're not talking to each other. They're not relating to each other. That will cause harm or even contempt. Research has shown that [these] things in communication can really be the make or break a couple being able to move forward in [the] long term.
"It's our job to recognize that listening is very important and listening to hear and understand, not just listening to respond. So often when our mate is trying to communicate something to us, we've got an instant choice to make: do we really wanna hear what they have to say, or do we wanna hear to defend our position?"
Courtesy of OWN
xoNecole: You’ve been a relationship coach for some time now, what made you want to branch your expertise out with this show?
DN: One of the things I love about the show is that the couples realize when they go through the process that this is really about the choice that they need to make to decide if they wanna build where they are and see it flourish. Are they really deciding that this is not the opportunity for them and they need to do something different? And I love that part. I love giving couples the opportunity to be nurtured, to have the hard conversations, and to champion them in the process so that they can make a winning decision for their relationship.
xoNecole: What is your advice to couples who are watching this show who are still undecided about whether they should take the next step in their relationship?
DN: Watch the show and talk during the commercial breaks. One of the things that we've heard a lot from our audience is that yes, in one space you are looking at it, you're peeking into the relationship of other couples, but the things that we talk about on the show are conversations that every couple has the opportunity to talk about in reference to their circumstance. So make the commercial breaks count with some popcorn and snacks and then return from the commercial break. So you have something else to talk about in the next break.
The new season of Put A Ring On It airs on OWN at 9 p.m. EST / 8 p.m. CST.
Featured image courtesy of OWN
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
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All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
In today’s economy, we’re always looking for ways to stretch every dollar. However, the allure of new gadgets, trendy clothes, and the latest dining spots can often lead to impulsive spending. An iced latte here and an Uber Eats delivery there, topped off by a spontaneous online order can add up over time.
For those seeking to curb frivolous expenses and adopt a more mindful approach to their finances, participating in a no-spend month could be the solution to gaining control over their spending.
What is the No-Spend Challenge?
The no-spend challenge is a personal finance exercise where individuals commit to not spending money on non-essential items for a specific period. This could mean cutting off a subscription service, limiting your nights out for drinks, pulling back on online shopping, and holding off on big, spontaneous purchases to see how much you’d save over the month. The challenge encourages participants to evaluate their spending habits, identify areas of unnecessary expenditure, and redirect their financial focus toward savings and debt reduction.
This spending requires one to differentiate between needs and wants, with the base necessities being food, transportation, housing, essential bills, and medical/mental health expenses.
Preparing for a No-Spend Challenge
When embarking on a no-spend month, proper preparation is key to ensure you make the most out of the experience.
Financial expert and founder of The Frugal Feminista, Kara Stephens, says that having a compelling “why” can serve as a motivator to endure the ups and downs of the challenge, especially if it's your first time. “Have a clear idea of what your goals and outcomes are for the challenge. Do you want to be grateful for what you have? Do you want to save a certain amount of money?” she tells xoNecole. “Know what's going to be your ‘after-no-spend challenge' sustainability plan because we're hoping that your habits and your perspective on spending are changing and that you find a way to make that a part of your life after the challenge.”
One of the initial catalysts for the recent popularity of the no-spend challenge is to combat “revenge spending.” This spending habit, triggered by the “life is short” reality of the pandemic, has caused many of us to want to make up for lost time or missed experiences, which can lead to reckless financial decisions and jeopardize future stability.
Because of this, Stephen advises us to reframe our thinking around revenge spending to avoid putting our financial future at risk.
“Try and shift your perspective on revenge spending and say, yes, I want to live my best life, but how can I spend it responsibly?” she says. “How can I revenge spend on a budget? How can I remove the idea of revenge spending from my lexicon and just live well and plan systematically so it doesn't take away from my future financial goals?”
Benefits of A No-Spend Month
Taking part in a no-spend month has a number of benefits, one of which is the self-awareness and gratitude you gain by cutting out non-essential purchases. “You’re more financially self-aware because you're only thinking about what you deem as essentials,” Stephens says. “It can also make you more resourceful because you have to use what you have in your home, rather than going out and shopping.”
Those who take part in the challenge often find they become more intentional with their purchases, distinguishing between what they truly need and what they can do without. The money saved over this course of time can then be redirected towards paying off debt, building an emergency fund, or being put into a sinking fund.
Due to the rigid nature of the challenge, Stephens says that it’s important to have a sustainable framework to follow the no-spend challenge to avoid reverting to old habits. “It can be like "yo-yo dieting,” she explains. “If you were very strict for a certain period, but didn’t create any type of habit or change of mind to continue with it, you could resort back to revenge spending, ironically.”
Things to Keep In Mind
While it may seem like just another financial trend, taking part in a no-spend month can provide precious data about not just how much money you spend but also your mindset and relationship around money. You can observe how your feelings about money change and highlight areas of improvement. Alternatively, you can even start a sinking fund that allows you to put money aside for large purchases or personal experiences.
Ultimately, it’s not that spending money is bad, it’s about how you approach spending in a responsible way that ensures your financial security and success in the long run.
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Featured image by Evgeniia Siiankovskaia/Getty Images