I feel pretty confident in saying that most of us are huge fans of foreplay. And since foreplay consists of actually touching your partner, doesn't it make sense that certain spots actually…hit the spot? On the surface, while you might think that I'm referring to erogenous zones, I'm actually talking about pressure points that will not only intensify your sexual experiences but can offer up all sorts of other health benefits too.
If you're ready to help your partner have even more enjoyable climaxes (as they hopefully do the same for you), here are seven places that, if you take out 10-20 minutes to massage them, it can result in a euphoric feeling that is truly like no other. (Just make sure to dim the lights and have a DIY massage oil on hand.)
You've probably heard that the greatest sex organ is your brain (I've certainly said it a few times on this platform). So, of course, it makes complete and total sense, why a head massage would be a great way to get your partner in the mood for sex.
On the health tip, it releases tension, eases headache and migraine discomfort and helps to relax the body (it also promotes hair growth and lowers your blood pressure). Sexually, a head massage can help to calm down an overactive mind as it also encourages blood to flow more freely throughout the body.
Head Massage Tip: Dab a mixture of sweet almond oil and lavender essential oil onto your fingertips (the lavender scent is calming and the almond oil will prevent any mild abrasions; lavender oil is pretty potent). With a medium amount of pressure, massage your partner's temples in small circular motions for five minutes, then move up to their scalp for an additional five. By the way, it's best if they are sitting in a comfy chair when you do this; it'll help to take some of the strain off of their back.
Ears are considered to be an erogenous zone. Plus, they contain somewhere around two hundred pressure points that are directly connected to various parts of the body. Both of these are valid reasons why ears made this list. The interesting thing about this part of the body is, when you massage the left earlobe, it stimulates the right brain and pineal gland and, when you massage the right one, it stimulates the left brain and pituitary gland. Consistent massaging of the ears helps to increase blood circulation and boost one's immunity. It also encourages the production of endorphins in order to relieve muscle-related pain and discomfort. As a bonus, you can boost your partner's libido if you rub on these pressure points a bit.
Ear Massage Tip: All of us have something that's known as the Bosch point; it's located on both ears. Basically, it's the thin part of our ear that, if we bent it towards our face, it would easily fold into our ear's canal. If you gently massage that area on both sides, and you add a little nibbling and/or dirty talk into the equation, I promise you that things will be on and poppin' within a couple of minutes.
Did you know that a stomach/abdominal massage can improve digestion, relieve constipation, reduce bloating, strengthen and tone stomach muscles, release tension and aid in weight loss? Two other benefits are it can calm your senses and help your orgasms to last a little longer. The key is to be as gentle as possible, perhaps even giving a few kisses to the tummy region along the way.
Stomach Massage Tip: In order to get the best results, make sure to focus on the areas that are a couple of inches underneath your partner's belly button, and also the part that is right above their crotch. If you slightly apply pressure, it will get their blood to circulating and, it will definitely arouse their genitals in the process.
Back massages do all sorts of great things. They help to release muscle tension from the spine. They increase blood circulation to your body's muscles and tissues. And sexually, they help to "trigger" the feel-good hormones that naturally run throughout your system as they increase body's mobility too. (Yes, back massages can actually make you more limber!)
Back Massage Tip: If you want to make this kind of massage extra soothing, warm up some massage oil. Then ask your partner to lay on their stomach on the bed. Place each hand, flat, on each side of your partner's spine and slowly move your hands upward until you reach their shoulders. Then use your thumbs to massage their shoulder blades in a circular motion. You should feel tension leave their body as you're actually doing it.
There are a lot of people who tell me that, as they get older, their lower back doesn't quite work the way that it used to (if you know what I mean). One thing that can help to get it back into action is to receive a glutes (butt) massage. It's a great way to regain some strength and agility while increasing blood circulation to your genital region and making your orgasms more intense as a direct result.
Butt Massage Tip: An easy way to relieve the stress, pain and pressure that may be lodged in your partner's glutes is to run a foam roller over them. You can typically get them at stores like Walmart or Target for under 20 bucks. Or, if you'd like to watch a video on how to give an effective butt massage, click here.
Have you ever gotten a charley horse during sex? I have and it sucks because it always seems to come right before, well, you know. Aside from making sure that you have enough liquids and potassium in your system, something else that you can do to decrease you and your partner's chance of having these super annoying muscle spasms is to give calf massages. They improve blood circulation, reduce any scar tissue that your calf muscles may have on them and, they help to decrease pain as well.
Calf Massage Tip: Warm up some coconut oil. Have your partner lay on the stomach on the bed. Use a medium amount of pressure in order to rub their legs from their thighs down to their ankles, using your knuckles to gently kneed any areas that might be extra tight. Do this for about six minutes per leg. It'll feel like heaven to them.
Reflexology is pretty dope. The premise of it is that, by massaging the hands, ears and yes, feet, you can soothe your nervous system and even help to heal various parts of your body. Since there are approximately 7,000 nerve endings in our feet, you can probably see why it's such a good idea to give them a good rub every now and then. Feet massages can do everything from eliminating toxins in your body and boosting your brain power to reducing period pain and relieving headaches. And yes, it can also make your sexual experiences better. That's because reflexology has a way of releasing the stress hormones in your system that may be hindering your ability to get fully aroused.
Foot Massage Tip: Something that can easily put your partner in the mood is to apply a gentle amount of pressure underneath the balls of both of their feet. Do this by pushing in that area with your thumbs and holding for a count of 10. If you then follow that up by using your thumbs to "walk" from their heels to each of their toes, it will help to release anxiety and elevate their libido too. Now get to rubbing—and make sure that your partner returns the favor!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
The first big leap was moving to a new city and getting settled into my new home. The next big leap? Was finding community and belonging. Moving to a new city excited me! I looked forward to having my own apartment, decorating it, and exploring what the city had to offer. I also found excitement in the thought of meeting new people and expanding my connections. When it actually came down to it, I felt nervous. I heard that making new friends as an adult can be hard because we all have different responsibilities and schedules that may not align. I knew in order for me to really feel at home in my new city, I had to create community.
Having a community of people who I can share memories with, lean on in times of need, and inspire each other is something I always valued. I took a moment to truly center in on what I desired from the new friends I would make. Then I realized it all would have to start with me. I had to be centered and confident in who I was to attract who I desired to be aligned with. As someone who moved to a new city and established quality friendships, I gathered these six tips that helped me feel grounded and create community in hopes that it will help you, too.
6 tips to start building community and making new friends in a new city:
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Be true to yourself
Do you know who you are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in three words, what words would you use? In order to develop deep friendships, you must be a friend to yourself first. Know what refuels you and what zaps your energy. Self-study your habits and why you do the things you do. All this will be important to keep in mind when looking to create bonds with others. Every day there’s all kinds of people telling you who you should be, how you should act, or what you should wear. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that truly matters is your own. Spend some alone time with yourself indoors or out at an event you like to truly discover who you are in this season of your life.
Pray about it
Before you step out into the world and cross paths with all kinds of people, it’s important to pray about building your community. God outlines what true friendship looks like in numerous Bible verses such as "Iron sharpens iron." - Proverbs 27:17 and “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. If you desire friendships that last, pray about what you seek in friendship. I remember praying for mentally stable, happy, and whole women who moved through life with abundance mindsets. Take a moment to journal about the community you want to build and then pray on it.
Go to fun events to meet people who share your interests
Most metropolitan cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Atlanta are known to have strong young professional communities and events where you can connect with others. I highly encourage you to attend events in or near your community to see what the city is like and meet people. It’s likely that the people at the event have the same interests as you, which is a great way to start a conversation. You can start by searching for events on Eventbrite or following Instagram pages that highlight events happening in your city.
Carlos Barquero/ Getty Images
Accept that you won’t be compatible with everyone you meet
While living in your new city, it’s likely you’ll meet a variety of people. Please know that everyone you meet will not bud into lasting friendships, and that’s okay! You are uniquely created and not made for everyone. Then you’ll meet people who are good for only surface-level connections, and then you’ll have your girls who you can get deep with. I think sometimes people can look down on surface-level friendships, but not everyone needs to fully know you. That’s a privilege to have and to accept within yourself. Continue to check in with yourself and be real about who you crave to spend more time with and who is nice to see for a monthly or quarterly catch-up.
Join Facebook groups & GroupMe chats
If you haven’t used Facebook in a couple of years, it’s time to dust your profile off. Facebook Groups is a great place to join online communities for people who just moved to a new city like you. Typically, you have to agree to the group’s guidelines, and then you can join. For example, you can search for groups in the Facebook app by using keywords like women, Black girl, or [the name of your city] foodies. With the GroupMe app, you’ll have to be invited to join an already existing group. While you’re out and about networking, don’t hesitate to ask if they’re in any online groups/communities they recommend you join too.
Be friendly to folks in your neighborhood
When I first moved to my new apartment, I spent the first week walking around the complex and working in the community spaces to get a better feel of it. I was able to meet people in my neighborhood, enjoy small talk, and learn more about what the community has to offer. Step outside of your comfort zone and work in your apartment’s community space or a local coffee shop to connect with others.
Overall, you may feel alone in your new city, but I guarantee you’re not. There are other people experiencing living in a new city too, and all you need to do is find each other. I hope these tips help ease the nervous feelings you have about building a new community and inspire you to make a new friend today!
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