I was baptized Catholic and raised with the teachings of the Bible. My mother always told me, "God doesn't like evil." She would always preach the bible and call out to God in her trying times. I can hear her voice now. My father is a born Muslim, but I have never read the Quran. When I say a born Muslim, I mean yes, my father is Indian and was born into an Islamic family. My last name is not Ali by chance, nor did my father convert to Islam, and no I am not related to Muhammad Ali.
There is a mixture of religions among my family; some are Christian, Episcopalian, Hindu, Catholic, Baptist, and whatever other denominations exist. I am fortunate to have grown up in a multi-religious family with total acceptance of other religious practices. That is Trinidad for you––we are the only country in the world that celebrates ethnic and religious differences in unity.
I am effing proud.
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Before I discuss my present-day spiritual practices, let me step back and discuss my journey in Catholicism. My mother had my brother and I baptized at 12-years-old in Trinidad at the Catholic church across the street from my grandmother's house. We were baptized at a later age because my mother wanted us to have an understanding of both religions and a choice in the matter.
At the time, I told my parents I choose to be Catholic because I didn't want to cover my body from head to toe nor give up the experience of drinking alcohol when I become of age. That was my extent of knowledge regarding the Islamic faith. I know, I know, what does a 12-year-old know about these things? Not a gawd damn thing.
When we returned to the the United States, my mother, brother, and I would attend a Saturday evening Catholic service as my father worked the night shift. There was a time my dad converted to Christianity, I think it was when he married my mother way back in 1981. My mother also enrolled my brother and me in Catechism classes during my freshman year of high school. I didn't like going to these classes, at the time it was more of a social gathering to me in trying to fit in. I still didn't understand the repetitious kneeling to pray either.
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Yes, Catholic girls are indeed bad and a little fast (not me––I swear). I completed four of the seven sacraments; Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, and Reconciliation and Penance. Shortly after graduating from high school, I stopped attending the Catholic church. I think my brother and I had no interest in going because we were dropped off and forced to go by my mother. We were more concerned with house parties and kickbacks.
As I entered my mid-twenties, I began attending a non-denominational church with my uncle and aunt the first time I lived in Florida. It was our Sunday ritual, the sermons were easier to understand, the message received, and it gave me comfort to do something together with my family. I was also lost moving to a new state. I didn't know anyone and was unsure what direction my life was going to take.
Eventually, we all stop going to church.
Life happened, my uncle and aunt began to care for their grandchildren on a full-time basis. My time was consumed by a full-time job, part-time graduate school, and my newfound love for health and fitness. Throughout that time, I always prayed to God and I always knew the good in my life was only because of my faith in Him.
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Ultimately, I stopped believing in the church. I realized I believed more in the power of prayer and living my life right than I did the church.
I believed in one universal God with no separation of religions. It was all the same to me; the same lessons, the same discipline, and the same words translated a million times over. Phrases like "my God", and "our God" truly bothered me. It's the same God.
As I entered my early thirties, I attended a non-denominational church upon returning to California for a total of one time. I just didn't like being there. It seemed like one big show, a free concert, with colored stage lights, and drop-down projection screens. It was too extravagant for me. I continued with my nightly prayers at home, but then trauma hit. When trauma hits, it hits oh so differently. I knew I needed a different type of prayer and healing as my life began to spiral. I decided to undergo Reiki. Reiki resonated with me more than any religion.
To understand my energy, chakras, and my soul was what I needed to learn to become high vibrational and step into my power and light.
I have done both in-person and distance Reiki four times. Each time it revealed things I had to work on within myself or be conscious of.
I started to work with sage and crystals. I would sage myself, my car, and my room. I started carrying crystals every single time I traveled and kept them under my pillow at night, setting an intention for each one. I have purchased oracle cards to learn more about my divine feminine energy too.
More recently, I have had readings from a medium and a psychic. Again, revealing things to me I needed to be aware of, heal, or work on.
Fast forward to this current moment.
As of yesterday, I underwent a past life regression (stay tuned for part two of this article). A past life regression is a form of hypnosis. Let me tell you, I most definitely had a past life and a happy one too. It also reveals your soul lessons and helps you understand yourself a little better.
I still believe in God. I still believe in prayer. I still believe in faith. I still go to church if I am asked to go. But, I also believe in the universe, synchronicities, spirit animals (mine is a horse), and spirit guides too.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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