Michael B. Jordan Reminds Us That You Can't Rush Men Into Relationships They're Not Ready For
I've had this conversation before. The one where I nagged my partner about the fact that he doesn't spend enough time, give enough attention, or dish out the same amount of effort that I felt I was giving to him.
When he calmly explained to me that he was doing the best that he could with what he had and that right now his main priority was getting to a place where he was financially stable and accomplished to where he could provide the best for his family and loved ones, I wasn’t hearing it. After all, I, too, had a lot on my plate between chasing my dream career and trying to master the art of balancing bills, bosses, and other obstacles of life that often knock the smug “I-got-this” smirk off a recent college grad’s face when served a dose of reality. It gets real out here—yet I was managing to make it work while still dedicating time and energy to our relationship.
I questioned his level of sacrifice because at the time I didn’t quite understand why he couldn’t give more to our relationship. I argued that other races do it all the time, but for some reason, many Black men feel that they can’t give all into a relationship or explore the idea of marriage until they’ve got their lives perfectly together. I continued to press him for more until it got to a point where he got tired of the repetitive arguments, usually stemming from me because I wanted more attention. More time. More everything.
In a September interview with GQ, heartthrob Michael B. Jordan revealed that he’s taking the time in his 20s and early 30s to focus on his work.
"I try and be focused. I told myself at a young age, once I kind of saw this momentum, that I would sacrifice all my twenties to my work. I’m 28. I’ve got a year and a half.”
Coming from nothing to now being the breadwinner of the family, there’s a lot of pressure for him to be able to provide, and he’s at a place where he’d rather sacrifice having a serious relationship for the sake of taking care of his family first.
"I’m pretty sure the women won’t say that’s good, but for me it’s like I can’t have any regrets and I have to know that I gave everything I had to making my family okay. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters to me is my family, bro. I come from nothing, so it’s like my family, they came with me. That’s all I care about. Couldn’t give a f-ck less about anything else. My mom, my dad, my sister, my brother—they’re good, I’m good. They’re not good, I’m not good. I put everything I had into everything, so once they’re good I can start living a little. My mid-thirties I can live a little. And I’m so okay with that. I’m cool with that.”
He continued:
A lot of females that didn’t agree with this agenda. They want what they want, I tell them what I want. It doesn’t quite work out that well. That’s why I’m by myself.Are you lonely?
“I’m not. I understand what females want and need, you know. I’m good at that. I don’t know if I’m the guy to give it to them right now. I’m emotionally unavailable. Until I find something that’s so undeniable that I can’t help myself.
It wasn’t until I really started focusing on myself and what I wanted to accomplish that I began to understand what my ex had been saying all along--he just wanted to be at a place of peace and in a position of prosperity before giving his undivided to another. Not because he wasn’t capable of giving anything before, but because relationships take time, energy, and attention. They need to be nurtured, and when you’re not in a position to where you can effectively do that—when you’re not ready—it can result in undesirable consequences such as arguing, fighting, divorce, etc.
At 25, I’m learning more about myself and the woman that I want to become, and I am also more aware of what I want in a relationship. I’ve seen how a man not having his own, or worse, pushing aside his dream to focus on love, can be detrimental to the longevity of a relationship.
As women, we often ask for a man who comes correct financially, emotionally, and mentally, but then throw temper tantrums when they’re actively working on that and let us know upfront that they can’t give us their all at the moment. We say that they don’t have to have everything together and that we will be their ride or die, but when we see our friends going on romantic getaways, being wined and dined, walking down aisles, and journeying into motherhood—we side-eye our partners and hit them with that “so when is it my turn?” talk, and in turn, the guy out of love (or maybe just to appease us) may cave in to the pressure and attempt to give us our heart’s desires, only to end up silently struggling to keep up with the demands of a relationship.
It’s said that common reasons for divorce revolve around finances and lack of communication—but often a man has communicated his lack and the fact that he’s not ready prior to marriage or entering into a relationship, but we impatiently try to push them to move on our timetable.
I often wonder how many problems would be avoided if we all approached marriage and love when we were financially stable and able to focus on nurturing our relationships instead of our pockets. I wonder if we took the time to focus on our dreams instead of being distracted by our fantasies if our perspective of relationships and marriage would change, and if we would build foundations on solid ground instead of unstable soil.
I’m at a place in life where I want to be able to give my all to both my family and my man when it’s time, and not have to worry about not being able to adequately provide the wants and needs of another because I’m still trying to fulfill my own goals and desires. I’m okay with taking the time to enjoy life. That doesn’t mean that I won’t date, just that when it’s really time for me to settle down I’ll be able to come to the table complete, and that my partner will be able to do the same.
As Michael, and other men, reminds us:
"If a man tells you he's emotionally unavailable, believe him."
Maybe it's time that we start listening.
Are we pushing men into relationships they’re not ready for? Sound off in the comments below!
Featured image by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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What Is A Mother Wound? Signs You May Have One & How To Heal
I didn’t know I had a mother wound until my therapist named it for me.
I had been describing a pattern of emotional unavailability in my choice of partners as a commonality between them. I told him how there was often a physical presence but also one paired with an emotional distance. I expressed that I felt inclined to be the "reasonable" one in my relationships. Easy to love, eager to please, emotionally contained. He gently gave me language, but some I wasn’t expecting: “It sounds like a mother wound.” That statement helped me connect so many dots, but at the same time, I asked him, "But, how?"
My mother is there for me. My mother is a home for me. My mother loves me. What I learned was that a mother wound doesn’t always have to come from abuse, neglect, or other forms of toxicity. Sometimes it comes from a very human mother who is doing her best in all of the ways you could ever ask her to and even in ways you couldn’t, but one who is also emotionally unavailable, overly critical, or dependent on you to meet her needs. (Parentification, party of one.)
My mother wound took form not because she was unloving, but because she was often emotionally unavailable. As a single mother of three and a mother to countless others working in education, she carried the weight of everything. And while I’ve always admired her strength and loved her deeply, I now understand that some of my emotional patterns were shaped by the love I craved but didn’t always feel. She is an amazing mother, and I still have a mother wound. I hold space for both truths because they both deserve space.
If you’ve ever struggled with the ability to self-soothe, people-pleasing, low self-worth, or emotional boundaries, your mother wound may still be calling the shots in your life and your adult relationships. To learn more about what the mother wound is, how it shows up, and how to start healing it, keep reading.
What Is a Mother Wound?
A mother wound refers to the behavioral patterns, emotional pain, and belief systems derived from the relationships we have with our mothers or maternal figures. It's an attachment wound that is not always caused by overt harm. Sometimes mother wounds stem from emotional absence or a lack of emotional support, criticism, passive-aggression, control, co-dependency, or a feeling that you had to earn love by being self-sacrificing or self-sufficient, "easy," or helpful.
The wound is less about pointing fingers at who to blame and more about having awareness around where your needs were left unmet, and how that impacted the way you show up in the world.
Trauma Integration Coach Ally described the impact of such a wound perfectly. In an Instagram caption, she wrote, "When there has been mother wounding, the heart defends itself and tries to close. Our whole system lives in a state of contraction and unsafety, depleted of love, nurturance, and connection."
That "state of contraction and unsafety" she refers to can look like:
- Feeling emotionally guarded, even with people you love
- Struggling to trust your needs or believe you’re allowed to take up space
- Over-functioning in relationships or assuming the role of caregiver/fixer
- Having chronically anxious or hyper-independent nervous system states (i.e., never letting yourself rest or receive)
While these patterns are often unconscious, they have the potential to quietly shape everything, from your self-worth to your romantic relationships.
The Types of Mother Wounds
5 Types of Mother Wounds You Should Know About
While everyone's experience is unique to them, some types of mother wounds show up more commonly than others. According to The Mother Wound Project, there are seven types of mother wounds, but I've also seen sources that say they are as many as 15. Because mother wounds are complex and can originate from different behaviors experienced in a mother-child relationship, it is possible to have multiple types of mother wounds depending on the parent.
To begin healing your mother wound(s), it is helpful to identify the type of mother wound you may be carrying and how it might be playing out in your life today. Check out a few of the more common ones below.
The Abandonment Wound
If your mother was physically or emotionally unavailable, or even absent from your life altogether, you might have an abandonment wound. Perhaps she worked a lot, struggled with her own mental health, or was unable to attune to your emotional needs. As a result, you might have felt unheard, unseen, or like your feelings weren't important.
How it manifests:
- Attracting unavailable or avoidant partners
- Struggling to ask for help or trust others
- Having a fear of rejection, or like you're "too much"
The Criticism Wound
If your mother had impossibly high expectations for you, was overly critical, or was a perfectionist who wanted you to follow suit, it's possible you internalized a harsh inner critic. Love might have felt conditional, like it had to be earned through success by way of accomplishments, accolades, and achievements, or through being compliant, easy, or needless.
How it manifests:
- Feeling like you're not "doing enough," not now, not ever
- Struggling with impostor syndrome or chronic self-doubt
- Fearing you might make the "wrong" choice, or that you'll fail
The Enmeshment Wound
For many with mother wounds, it’s not just about what was lacking or missing, but instead how closely they were tied to their mother’s emotional world. This is where emotional enmeshment enters the chat. This can look like little to no emotional separation between you and your mother, where boundaries between the two of you become so blurred that you don't know where her needs and feelings end and where yours begin.
If you felt responsible for your mother’s mood, well-being, comfort, or approval as a child, you might have an enmeshment wound.
How it manifests:
- Feeling guilty when setting boundaries
- People-pleasing in relationships or anxious attachment
- Difficulty when deciphering what it is you want in life (Read: "Living Your Best Life Actually Looks Like Decentering Your Mother")
The Emotional Neglect Wound
A quieter wound, but felt nonetheless. An emotional neglect wound develops when your emotional needs are constantly overlooked, minimized, or rarely fully acknowledged. Your mother might have been there physically or provided for you through material things, but she rarely asked you how you felt, let alone validated your emotions or created space for vulnerability.
How it manifests:
- Feeling like your feelings are a burden instead of a gift
- Difficulty expressing your emotions or naming them
- Feelings of emptiness or disconnection even in close relationships
The Invalidation Wound
If you grew up feeling like your experiences, perceptions, or feelings were belittled, you're not alone. You're one of many with an invalidation wound. This type of wound originates from having your reality dismissed or constantly questioned. Your feelings could have been labeled as "dramatic," your truths might have been denied or invalidated, and your experiences might have been minimized.
With time, this behavioral pattern impacts you by causing deep confusion around what you believe you are "allowed" to feel and your overall sense of self.
How it manifests:
- Struggling with conflict or trusting your voice
- Second-guessing your instincts or questioning your reality
- Feeling gaslit even in safe relationships
How to Heal Your Mother Wound
As previously mentioned, healing a mother wound is not about blaming your mother, it’s about tending to the parts of you that didn’t get what they needed way back when. It’s about creating emotional safety, clarity, and self-connection, often for the first time. And you don't need anyone's permission to do it, just the courage to start. Here’s where to begin:
1. Acknowledge what you needed but didn't get: You're allowed to name the emotional gaps that were and are still very real for you. And you're allowed to do so without guilt. Awareness is the first step in the healing and reclamation of your voice.
2. Self-parent yourself: Speak to yourself with the softness, nurturance, love, and validation you once craved. You can affirm yourself, you can meet your needs, you can reparent your inner child. You can remind yourself that you have the power and you can choose how to go about wielding it. Self-mothering is one of the ways to do this.
3. Set compassionate boundaries: You don't have to cut your mother out of your life if you don't feel called to, but it's important to remember that setting boundaries is about protecting your peace, not punishing your mother. If you need to create some space while choosing peace over performance, do that. And do so with compassion.
4. Hold your grief without shame: Even if your mother did her best, you're allowed to grieve the mother you wished you had. Honor that loss as the act of liberation it is.
5. Redefine what mothering looks like to you: Yes, you're every woman, and it's all in you, but we weren't born to do life alone, hence the need for love and connection. If your mother can't meet those needs, open yourself up to receiving love from other places and sources.
Let yourself be nurtured by friendships, chosen family, therapy, and nature. You're worth it.
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