Lessons I Learned In The Stillness Of Recovery
We speed through our lives, driving ourselves into early graves to get to the next thing. We fly through life as if the best of our lives is always just out of reach and we must bolt towards it. I pushed this reality to the back of my mind until one day I collapsed.
Recently, I moved back in with my mother in New Jersey after deciding to completely change careers. Washington, D.C. offered little to no opportunities in screenwriting and production so I needed to move back as close to New York City as possible to get into the business.
After almost a year of smaller stomach pains that I ignored, attributing to overeating, a few weeks ago, my mother found me on the living room floor on my knees unable to stand.
I was taken to the ER, not knowing that a few hours later, I would be in the OR with portions of my small intestine and colon being removed due to endometriosis. As someone who has always had reasonably good health, this hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not know what to expect in recovery. I did not understand the extent to which I would need to slow down.
I didn't understand that in order to begin to live fully again, I would have to decrease speed and pay more attention.
It's a lesson I can look back and see that God was trying to teach me at least 3 different points in my adult life. This time, I got it. I had nothing but time to dig deeper, journaling and meditating to find just what this downtime is supposed to be teaching me.
1. Accept help.
The hardest thing for me was to accept that I couldn't even lift my own body or bathe myself for the first few weeks. I had to rely on nurses, CCTs, and family members. I didn't realize how prideful I was until I had to accept others' help on a larger scale than I ever have before. It doesn't point to weakness when you must rely on others, it shows your humanity. It's cliche but true, no one is an island and sometimes we can become arrogant in our ability to give and help others. So, it's paramount to living our best lives to learn how to receive help graciously and gratefully.
2. Find your own pace.
It is difficult to be in recovery in any capacity while trying to move at others' speeds. Social media advertising friends' accomplishments and escapades can do a number on us psychologically when we are in a state of stillness. We want to be doing more when we physically cannot or should not. Don't rush yourself to be doing more if you don't have the energy. Try not to obsess over what other people are doing, talking about, or posting. Focus on yourself, doctor's orders, and how you want to be on the other side of recovering.
3. Stop and listen for lessons.
What do you hear when you get quiet and listen? What adjustments have you wanted to make to your life but felt you never could because you had to keep moving? While you have the time, it's worth it to establish a daily practice of prayer or meditation to ensure you're where you need to be mentally and emotionally. One of the main lessons I'm learning during my recovery is to redefine success. I didn't notice until I had to sit still that I was defining success as constantly being in motion, constantly doing something, producing something. Am I no longer successful now that most of my attention goes to recovering from surgery?
Have I lost my value?
At first, I felt that way. Over the course of a couple of weeks journaling, sitting in silence, praying, and meditating, I recognized this was a major lesson God was trying to teach me. Movement is not most important; being present, grateful, and whole is.
While I was constantly traveling, mixing and mingling, talking, and creating, I lost sight of that truth and wrapped my worth in constant motion.
Stillness is a gift in how it offers us time and space to scoop up the bits of wisdom we leave on the table when we're typically rushing through life. There is no shame in taking that time to reevaluate and reemerge with new perspective and appreciation for life.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
- Lessons I Learned In The Stillness Of Recovery - xoNecole ›
- What Embracing Stillness Truly Means - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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The year was 2014, and the show was Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood. In its first season, we were reintroduced to Omarion and got a more intimate look into the man behind the B2K fame and hits like “Touch.” Audiences tuned in as they saw him balance being a son to his mom and a partner to his then-girlfriend Apryl Jones as they prepared to be first-time parents. And amid some of the franchise’s most iconic moments and fights, there was undeniable and unapologetic love shown between them pre-breakup.
Despite whatever issues we may or may not have been privy to because of the former couple being in the public eye, it’s clear that over the years following their 2016 split, Omarion and Apryl have done their best to keep “family” at their center. It’s why now in the year 2023 (and past messiness pushed aside, chile), it is not all that surprising to see Omarion and Apryl posted up in Disney World with their two kids like they’re "post to be" because, well, it's all love.
Omarion and Apryl made headlines over the weekend after posting to social media some behind-the-scenes moments of their "first family trip" together.
Together for a handful of years, having kids together (Megaa and Ame'i) is the kind of commitment that you keep for a lifetime, regardless of whether the romantic part of a relationship ends. And while some speculated that their very public family outing over the weekend possibly hinted that the romantic aspect of their relationship might have rekindled, it could just be another healthy example of co-parenting (especially because Apryl is still reportedly booed up with actor Taye Diggs). And lawd knows the world needs as much of that as it can get.
It is also a sign of growth and is in alignment with what Omarion shared in the past about the status of his co-parenting relationship with Apryl in 2022:
"We’re still in a transformative state. Like I said, I’m the type of person who likes to leave room for some new ideas, some different methods. I’m all for that. But we are in a transformative state right now."
Though there might have been ill will between them at some point due to how things ended and where things were emotionally (that eventually led to resurfaced animosity between him and a B2K member that Apryl eventually became involved with), the famed unbothered king doesn't don that name for nothing and has publicly stated that there's no "ill will" because he's "moved on." He has also stated that he will never speak against her publicly because she is the mother of his kids. Perhaps that has also led
In an article on our platform, "Omarion Speaks On Where Co-Parenting With Apryl Jones Stands Now & I Have 6 Solid Takeaways From It," we covered his interview with Sway in the Morning where the artist hinted at a reason that might have caused the romantic love aspect of their journey to come to an end:
“Not to generalize women, but you know, umm, sometimes women think that you know, love stories are supposed to be this kind of like, happy thing and this, ‘Oh we vibin,’ and you know, we, we get married, and we have a family,’ but it’s really, it’s really not like that. You know, umm, that wasn’t my experience. L
"ooking back on the history of how I viewed relationships, like, my mom is not married, you know, my Nana was married at a very young age…like, steppin’ back and realizin’ like, ‘Oh, your love style, your support, the things that you actually need, you know, is different from what you perceive. And it allowed me to really see, you know, what it is that I truly want, and it is acceptance. It is love. That’s what love is.”
However, wanting different things doesn't stop have to stop the way people show up in their children's lives as parents. As they make strides towards being better co-parents, Omarion shared in an interview earlier this year about the importance of moving forward for the kids:
"I will say we have been moving towards a better relationship at this particular point in time, for the kids. It’s all good, it was just something we went through. I think as long as respect is over-stood and appreciated within the scope of the blended family then I think you can virtually get through anything.”
A trip to Disney World as a family is a beautiful step in their healthy co-parenting journey.
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Featured image via Omarion/Instagram