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How To Support Someone Who's Suffered From A Miscarriage
Is it just me or does it seem like infertility is a much more common struggle?
I don't know if it's because we're getting older and realize it more, or if it's truly something that more women are going through way too regularly. I'm at the age where many of my closest friends have attempted to grow their families only to suffer losing an unborn child. It's heartbreaking for me so I can't even fathom how devastating it is for them.
While it seems impossible for me to be there for them because there's no way I can understand, it's not completely out of the question. It's really just about knowing your friend and what she needs from you, if anything.
Here's a few things you can do for your friend to support her after experiencing a miscarriage:
Pray For Her.
Pray with her, when she's not around, and especially when she doesn't ask you to; because in some cases, she won't. Depending on when she shares this news with you, prayer could be the furthest thing from her mind as her pain and devastation take over. That's where your strength comes in to help her out.
Whether it's over the phone, in person, or even through text messages, don't just be a person who says, "Oh girl, I'm praying for you." I think it means more when you actually do it consistently and constantly. She might not tell you she needs it, but there will definitely be indescribably tough moments when your prayers will help her through.
Give Her Hope.
I remember when a girl I didn't know that well told me she and her husband suffered a miscarriage around the time her father-in-law passed away. Talk about unspeakable heartbreak and devastation. I then shared that some of my really close friends had lost their unborn child but now have amazingly healthy and beautiful children.
It was really an encouragement for her to hear that just because she had a miscarriage, didn't mean that she shouldn't have hope to be a mother one day. Now I can add her to that list of my friends who have children because she and husband now have the most adorable baby girl. No matter what it looks like for your friend, give her constant encouragement that there's hope for her too.
Just Listen.
I know I said to pray for her and give her hope, which are both really important factors. But there are also times when she just needs you to listen.
There's a time for prayer and encouragement, but there's also a time when you have to be the silent version of yourself and listen to her heart. When she's finished, that might not necessarily be an invitation for you to share your piece, thoughts, and opinions. Instead, just let her know that you love her, that you're here for her whenever she needs you, and give her a hug. It's not the solution to everything, but it will certainly help.
Be Supportive In the Way She Needs.
While it's so easy to try and give other options of how your friend can become a mother in hopes of healing her pain, that might not be the best idea based on the type of person she is. Yes, the ideas of adoption and having a surrogate are very possible ways she can live out her dream to be a mom, but that doesn't take away from the fact that her world has been crushed as she lost her child that she developed an unspeakable bond with.
While those options are possibilities, they might not seem the same to her. At least not in the moment. But if she does choose to go that route, you can be the best friend in the world by supporting her decision to the fullest if or when she finally decides.
Realize You Can’t Fix It.
When you have a best friend experiencing something negative, it's only natural to jump into "that's my best friend" mode and want to fix it. Unfortunately, this isn't the same as some girl coming for her on social media. In this situation, there's absolutely nothing we can do to fix it, and sometimes that's the worst thing about it.
There's no need to say, "Oh girl I wish there was something I can do," because it just brings light to the fact that you really can't be there for her in the way you want. Instead, just being a listening ear for her. Letting her know you've got her back might be the best solution.
Ask Her What She Needs.
Sometimes, as much as we know our friend, we have no idea what they need in the moment. Sometimes, even she won't know what she needs. But when you ask, you're at least letting her know that whatever it is, you got her.
It might be something as simple as taking her children for the day or covering for her shift at work if she needs alone time. I think as long as you're ready to do a huge favor, or even no favor at all, asking her what you can do for her is just one of the ways you can help your friend after her loss.
Indulge Her.
Whether it's taking her out for a girls' night or staying in with a Netflix binge and ice cream, do something special for her. It might not take her mind off of it, but she will know that she's surrounded by an amazing support system. It will confirm to her that you really are that ride or die friend she's known you to be all along.
While she might look back at her loss and difficult time and feel sad all over again, it's very possible that she'll also remember you were there for her when she needed you the most.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 10 Nice Things to do for a Friend After a Miscarriage ›
- How to Support Someone After a Miscarriage | Focus on the Family ›
- Supporting someone who has had a miscarriage | Tommy's ›
- How to Support a Friend Going Through Miscarriage: 14 Steps ›
- Helping Someone After a Miscarriage – Miscarriage Support NZ ›
- How To Be A Friend To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage ›
- How to help someone after a miscarriage or loss – expert reveals ... ›
- How to help a friend through a miscarriage - INSIDER ›
- 5 Ways To Support A Friend After Miscarriage | HuffPost Life ›
- After a Miscarriage: Supporting Friends & Family Through Loss ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
This Carnival Queen's Beauty Secret To Clear Skin Is Good Health
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Xenia Douglas knows all too well what it’s like to keep up with beauty and skincare routines. In 2022, she became Miss Saint Lucia Carnival Queen and proudly represented what it means to be a true beauty inside and out. Although she confidently wears her crown while encouraging others, she also has had her ups and downs with skincare.
Douglas struggled with adult acne during the pandemic. “I spent about six months researching and trying to figure it out on my own, and given how I was eating at the time, I soon discovered that there was a relationship between food and how it affects my skin,” Douglas said. This discovery leads her to change her eating habits. Opting for healthier food options and finding balance with non-healthy options.
In what seemed like no time, she began seeing a major change in her skin and taking her skincare more seriously. This led to her reflecting on how she cared for her skin growing up. “There was a time when I used to go to bed with makeup, like every day, and my skin suffered because of it."
“There was a time when I used to go to bed with makeup, like every day, and my skin suffered because of it."
Like many of us, Douglas had no education in skincare, and she put her skin through the ringer by trying too many different skincare products. Reflecting on her mistakes helped to form a better relationship with caring for her skin. “Now that I’m older, I understand the importance of finding the right products for my skin type. I love using sunscreen and products that protect my skin barrier. That experience assisted me in garnering youthful-looking skin,” Douglas added.
Courtesy
These days, Douglas' morning routine is as realistic as it gets. She’s rushing to get ready for a long day at work. Still, she always finds time to fit in a glass of water and her skincare routine. Even amid morning stress, her routine never becomes tiresome. As she prepares for the day, her mother’s wisdom runs through her mind: “'Looking young never gets old,' my mom always said to me!”
Douglas enjoys indulging in Korean skincare products that hydrate the skin. Some mornings, she will combine her skincare routine with a workout. “I love going on runs and Pilates. I’ve always preferred a more toned and slender look, so the strength training and cardio combo is a 10 out of 10.”
“I love going on runs and Pilates. I’ve always preferred a more toned and slender look, so the strength training and cardio combo is a 10 out of 10.”
Douglas' journey to clear skin has become a health transformation. She’s changed her eating habits, worked out, and prioritizes caring for her skin on her busiest days. It’s no wonder she is now a representation of beauty. To her, beauty isn’t just about the products we use but the daily habits we implement to feel good.
Here are the products Douglas uses day and night to keep glowing all day long:
Xenia's Morning Skincare Routine:
Step 1: CeraVe Cleanser
CeraVe
"I use the CeraVe cleansers (either the Salicylic Acid, foaming, or Hydrating Cleanser). I pretty much rotate between these three depending on what my skin is calling for that day.”
Step 2: Innisfree Green Tea Toner
Amazon
"In 2020, I started learning more about Korean skincare, and it propelled me to begin using water-based toners as opposed to alcohol-based toners. Given that alcohol-based toners are more of an astringent and can cause more harm than good, the switch to a water-based toner, specifically my Innisfree Green Tea toner, has done wonders in hydrating and supporting my skin."
Step 3: Soon Jung Hydro Barrier Cream
Soon Jung
"When I moisturize, I don’t just use a basic moisturizer. I use a moisture barrier cream! As I mentioned before, I am an advocate for Korean skincare, as it is quite hydrating. So, I use moisturizers that shield my skin from irritants, friction, or drying out. My favorite is the Soon Jung Hydro Barrier Cream. It’s amazing!”
Step 4: Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen
Supergoop!
“I try not to miss a day when it comes to my sunscreen. I use the Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen, particularly on the days I’m on the road or outside."
Xenia's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Step 1: COSRX Snail Mucin Serum
COSRX
“I normally use a hydrating serum on days when my skin feels dry, or I notice some texture. It’s extremely moisturizing."
Step 2: COSRX Snail Mucin Moisturizer
COSRX
"I follow up with this moisturizer when I use the COSRX Serum. They’re quite the dynamic duo.”
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Featured image courtesy