I have to admit, by the time Get Out was released in theatres, I had already done so much reading about it, that not much about the movie surprised me. As clever, interesting, and necessary as Jordan Peele's first film was, I was somewhat underwhelmed, and I'd like to think that was because the internet had practically revealed the entire storyline before I could even see the film. With this knowledge in mind, I made it a point to see Us in theaters opening weekend so that I develop my own opinion before the masses had the opportunity to thwart my perspective. In conclusion, that opinion is: give Lupita all the awards, damn it!
It was recently announced that Jordan's new film did more than $70 million in the box office, making history as the largest debut of an original horror film in theaters...ever. The record-breaking film is yet another reminder to Hollywood that it's time to start putting some respeck on black narratives. Lupita and her co-stars offered a brilliant performance that will make you realize that most times, you really and truly are your own worst enemy.
What I could appreciate the most about Us was the relatability of The Wilson Family. The main character, Adelaide (played by Lupita Nyong'o), offers a new genre of superhero that we've never seen in film before: a mom desperate to protect her family.
I won't spoil it for you, but you can definitely look forward to a few corny dad jokes, bickering siblings, and some teenage attitude, which are all pretty typical of any family. Although the Wilsons are a quintessential "American" family, there were few nods to the culture in the film that were downright black AF. From Adelaide's husband, Gabe (played by Winston Duke) rocking a Howard sweatshirt, to the ultimate fight scene happening to the tune of an orchestrated version of "I Got 5 On It," Jordan Peele made sure to sprinkle a whole lot of melanin magic into the mix of this creepy horror-themed thriller.
Although I searched (and I mean searched) the film for any metaphors that symbolized racial disparity or injustice, Us tells a much different story. Unlike Get Out, Jordan's new film looks at societal privilege in a different light and has a message that makes us all reflect on our perspective as Americans.
Although I've seen mixed reviews on social media since the movie was released, I can personally say that the film is definitely a bop as well as a major win for the culture. Although, I will say, when the movie ended I couldn't help but think, "WTF just happened?" So I took to the internet to help understand some of the film's key messages that I may have missed, and boy, were there a lot.
For those of us who have seen it, and even for the ones who haven't but want to know what the hype is all about at the risk of peeping a few spoilers, these were a few of my takeaways.
*Disclaimer: Major spoilers ahead!*
Duality & Jeremiah 11:11
Universal
The idea of duality is a consistent theme throughout the film. Along with the creepy white man at the beginning and the end of the film, the numbers can also be seen on top of the ambulance in the closing scene, and it is also 11:11 P.M. when the Wilsons are attacked in their home by the tethered. The scripture, Jeremiah 11:11, which is seen many times in the film says this:
"Therefore thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them."
In Jeremiah, it is prophesized that sinners who worshipped false idols would be faced with inevitable doom, or "evil" and this can be perceived a few different ways. While some say that Red believes that this scripture is a word from God to lead the Tethered from doom, others have different theories.
Jordan Looked To The King Of Pop For Inspiration
Universal
The "real" Adelaide was kidnapped and sentenced to life underground by her ominous double in the '80s, a time when Michael Jackson was wildly popular. Jordan, who called Michael the "king of duality", drew from the late superstar for a much of his inspiration for the film. For example, the "Thriller" t-shirt Adelaide wears at the beginning of the movie shows Micheal's influence on the young girl before she was kidnapped. Red uses his style to design the Tethered's eerie uniforms, complete with a one-hand glove and red jumpsuits, much like MJ's attire in "Thriller". Peele told Mashable:
"Michael Jackson is probably the patron saint of duality. The movie starts in the '80s — the duality with which I experienced him [Jackson] in that time was both as the guy that presented this outward positivity, but also the 'Thriller' video which scared me to death."
Hands Across America
Universal
As a true 90's baby, I had no earthly idea what Hands Across America was. After doing some research, although the event was mildly unsuccessful, the '80s nonprofit fundraising effort was dedicated to raising money for the homeless. When Red is left underground with the Tethered, she is left with her Hands Across America shirt, which ultimately inspires masterful her plan.
But, Who Was The Real Villian Tho?
Universal
I loved this movie because it made me question myself. The lead character, which I had been rooting for the entire time, was actually the villain. Now ain't that some sh*t? Us is a film that makes you analyze your own perspective and be honest about your findings. When you take a hard look at how the story played out, Red was never the bad guy after all. As major of a mindf*ck as this is, if we started to approach our real lives with this mentality, the world just might be a better place.
Jordan Peele and his cast of badasses told a story that in a way is bigger than racism or sexism. He told an all-American story about the perils of classism, and that may be a harder concept to grasp than anything else.
This film helps us realize that many people we may classify as other, like the homeless, impoverished, and socially unacceptable are really exactly like Us.
Featured image by Universal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
Westend61/ Getty Images
While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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Feature image by Vladimir Vladimirov/ Getty Images
