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Redefining Discipline: The Gentle Parenting Revolution
Let’s face it, gentle parenting gets a bad rap. Many of us became familiar with the term "gentle parenting" during the pandemic, and since then we’ve seen an uptick in social media creators showcasing examples of gentle parenting online. Despite their best efforts, however, there still remains misunderstanding and confusion about what gentle parenting actually is. In fact, if you ask the average parent, particularly parents of color, they will almost unanimously describe it as ineffective, permissive, and even dangerous.
Some teachers have even come out to declare that gentle parenting is causing behavioral problems in school.
These suppositions all operate under the premise that gentle parenting lacks structure and discipline. They believe that the parents who adhere to this parenting philosophy eschew maintaining any sort of authority in their household in favor of being their child’s friend.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the psychologist and parenting expert who is credited with introducing the idea of gentle parenting describes it as parenting that "focuses on building connection, having empathy for what children are feeling and mindful discipline, with a focus on teaching and guiding, and setting up age-appropriate boundaries and limits."
What’s often overlooked, however, is that gentle parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting:
According to the American Psychology Association, authoritative parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. Current and past research overwhelmingly tells us that authoritative parents are more likely to raise children who are confident, emotionally secure, and academically successful.
Why Ockwell-Smith opted to rebrand an existing parenting philosophy isn’t entirely clear, but what is clear is that maintaining authority and boundaries are core tenets of gentle parenting.
Striking a balance between gentleness and authority can sometimes feel like navigating a tightrope, though. On one hand, we want to nurture our children with empathy and understanding, while on the other, we need to instill discipline and respect. And despite popular and ill-informed opinions, you can be and still are an authority figure in your household if you are a gentle parent.
Without further adieu, here are five practical ways you can embrace gentle parenting without sacrificing your sense of authority:
1. Setting Clear Expectations:
Authority doesn't have to come in the form of harsh demands or rigid rules. In fact, setting clear expectations can be one of the most effective ways to establish authority while remaining gentle.
Children thrive on structure and predictability, so outlining expectations helps them understand what's expected of them. However, it's crucial to communicate these expectations in a calm and respectful manner.
Instead of barking orders, try having a conversation with your child about what behavior is acceptable and why. By involving them in the process and explaining the reasoning behind your expectations, you not only foster a sense of understanding but also demonstrate your authority in a gentle way.
2. Using Positive Reinforcement:
While consequences for misbehavior are necessary, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for gentle parenting. Instead of solely focusing on what your child is doing wrong, make a conscious effort to acknowledge their positive behavior. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the behaviors you want to see more of. It can be as simple as giving a "thank you" for cleaning up their toys. Positive reinforcement creates a nurturing environment while still upholding your authority as a parent.
3. Practicing Active Listening:
Effective communication is key to any relationship, including the one between parent and child. Practicing active listening is a fundamental aspect of gentle parenting that allows you to connect with your child on a deeper level.
Instead of dismissing their feelings or rushing to provide solutions, take the time to truly listen to what they have to say.
Validate their emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them, and show empathy towards their experiences. By demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings, you build a foundation of trust and respect that strengthens your authority in a gentle way.
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4. Offering Choices and Empowerment:
Giving your child a sense of autonomy and control can go a long way in fostering a positive parent-child relationship. Instead of always dictating what they should do, offer them choices whenever possible. This not only empowers them to make decisions for themselves but also teaches them valuable problem-solving skills. Of course, the choices should be age-appropriate and within the boundaries of your expectations as a parent.
By allowing your child to have a say in certain matters, you demonstrate that you trust and respect them, which in turn reinforces your authority in a gentle manner.
5. Leading by Example:
Perhaps the most powerful way to balance gentleness and authority is by leading by example. Children are incredibly perceptive and often mimic the behaviors they see in adults. Therefore, it's essential to model the traits and values you want to instill in your child.
Whether it's practicing patience, showing empathy towards others, or handling conflicts peacefully, your actions speak volumes.
By embodying the principles of gentle parenting in your own behavior, you not only reinforce your authority but also inspire your child to follow suit.
Gentle parenting is not synonymous with permissiveness or a lack of authority. By incorporating these five practical strategies into your parenting approach, you can cultivate a nurturing and respectful relationship with your child while still maintaining your sense of authority.
Remember, it's not about being a dictator or a pushover—it's about finding that delicate balance between empathy and discipline that ultimately fosters a loving and harmonious parent-child bond.
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- What Is Gentle Parenting & How To Incorporate It In Your Parenting Style ›
- Effective Discipline: How To Discipline Your Child - xoNecole ›
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
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Megan Thee Stallion On The Realities Of Being The Boss: 'You Do Everything On Your Own’
Rapper Megan Thee Stallion's recent appearance on Club Shay Shay is making headlines for her valuable insights on what it truly means to pay the cost to be the boss.
During the interview, the "Hiss" emcee discussed her decision to sign a distribution deal with Warner Music Group. This move came after settling with her former record label, 1501 Certified Entertainment, following years of legal battles over ownership of her master recordings and the right to release new music. Megan's new arrangement allows her to maintain her independence as an artist and release music through her label, Hot Girl Productions.
Another gem the "Cobra" lyricist shared on the platform was her advice from her mentors, Beyoncé and Jay-Z, regarding her legal woes and business ventures. Megan also got candid when discussing how much she spends on her productions as an independent artist.
Check out the highlights below.
Megan Thee Stallion On Why She Decided To Go Independent
“I’ve been in a situation where I felt I was so out of control for the longest. When I say out of control like I didn’t really have complete control over my music. I could barely go perform when I felt like it. They couldn’t use my music in commercials. I had to literally go to court every time I wanted to drop a song. So I just was like, you know what? I need to do what’s best for me like I can appreciate what a label can do for you, but if y'all can’t agree to these terms, then I don’t want to do it. So I wasn’t going to go nowhere where they wasn’t going to give me what I was worth, and they wasn’t going to give me what I was asking for. But that’s how I wound up with my distribution deal from Warner because they believe in me.”
“It’s really like a trust thing when you sign to a label. It’s all business at the end of the day, but you still want to be somewhere where y’all can trust each other. I know you ain’t going to mess over me, and I'm not going to mess over you. We both need to win. They seemed like they wanted to win with me. They didn’t want to win without me. It wasn’t a situation where I felt like we’re gonna do this with or without you. They wanted to win together, and that’s what I liked about Warner.”
Megan Thee Stallion On The Advice She Received From Beyoncé and Jay-Z
“When I was in the situation that I was in and I wanted to get out of it they told me you need to do this on your own. Like you already know what it is, you got all the tools. All the legal s–t that you are going through right now I know you are learning something, so you should figure out how to get out here and be your own boss.”
“Beyoncé is the person who actually inspired me to get my own tequila because I used to be the cognac queen. I’m still the cognac queen, but as much as I used to enjoy cognac and I promoted a lot of people liquor brands, she was like the next time I see you, you need to have your ownalcoholic beverage. I was like, ‘You right, queen. I am going to have my own s–t.’ So now I have my own tequila.”
Megan Thee Stallion On Spending Her Own Money
“I’ve been spending my own money for a long time. These music videos ain’t cheap. That’s what I definitely learned when I jumped off the porch and wanted to be independent. I said how much this s–t cost? I go in for myself. I believe in myself and I believe that I am making a really good investment in something that I believe in. If I don’t back myself up, who else going to do it? If I don’t believe it, y’all mother f–kers ain’t going to believe it. So the last three music videos y’all seen me put out that’s straight out of Meg Thee Stallion bank account, and that s–t was not cheap. But that’s okay because I like good art. When I look at a music video I want to watch that s–t over and over again. So I want to put out something that I know that my hotties are gonna want to watch over and over again.“
‘You can’t make money without spending money. When you ever heard somebody say it costs to be the boss. Now, I really do understand that. Like I like to have nice things, I like my things to look a certain type of way. I want it to be extravagant. I want it to look like a production every time you see it. Now, how is that going to happen? Whose money is that? You can either go get somebody to invest in you, but now you are making them a boss over you, too. Now, do you want to have complete ownership? You invest everything in yourself. You do everything on your own. I’mma say the money part is the part that I’ve definitely learned about having complete ownership and being your own boss.”
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