Growing up, my parents always told me to save my money. Did I always listen? Of course not, but it’s one of the pieces of financial advice that I remember. I was also told not to depend on credit cards. I often saw my parents use their debit cards to pay for everything, and it wasn’t until I got older that I learned how to use credit cards to my advantage.
While talking to Natalia Brown and Dasha Kennedy, I learned I wasn’t the only one who grew up with similar teachings. Natalia serves as the Chief Compliance and Consumer Affairs Officer for National Debt Relief (NDR), and Dasha is a Financial Wellness Board Member for NDR and also runs the online platform The Broke Black Girl. Together, they are educating Black women and others on debt, the good and the bad.
They each have had their fair share of unlearning to do after going through rough patches that eventually started them on their financial wellness journeys. During our interview, Dasha and Natalia debunked myths about debt and broke down the many things that helped them on their way. One of those myths is that debt is bad. While using credit cards to make purchases on things you can’t afford and will be unable to pay back isn’t a good method, leveraging debt is, especially when building wealth.
Leveraging Debt
Dasha fell into debt after going through a divorce. While she was always told not to depend on credit cards, it became her only way of survival. However, after going through that experience, she continues to share her story and provide tips on how to get out of consumer debt and use credit cards to your advantage.
“This is something that I've talked to my audience about as just a simple way to decide on leveraging debt, using debt in a way that is going to make you more money. So being in debt, whether it's you know, credit cards to pay for a class or a certification or you need to get financing for a car, like using debt in a way that is going to help you make more money in the long run,” she says.
“So then, as you make more money, you will want to be able to pay off, you know, the debt that you took on, and on top of that, your income as a whole would have increased. So that's one way to leverage debt to build wealth or money by taking care of things or expenses that you need that could catapult your career, help make, you know, income even it's like investing in like a small business that you want to do.”
“This is something that I've talked to my audience about as just a simple way to decide on leveraging debt, using debt in a way that is going to make you more money. So being in debt, whether it's you know, credit cards to pay for a class or a certification or you need to get financing for a car, like using debt in a way that is going to help you make more money in the long run.”
Research
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Debt specialist Natalia recommends that people put the same amount of effort into researching credit cards and debt as they do everything else. She explains by sharing something someone told her. “I used to do more research on a pair of shoes or you know, Amazon shopping like I go straight to the reviews and people do that without even thinking about it,” she says.
“You put a lot more effort into researching the things that you want when you're making a purchase; you can do the same exact thing with like Dasha said, is this credit card the right credit card for me? I drive a lot, so I should have a gas card, right, versus a points card because that doesn't transfer the gas, right? So, you should look at every single aspect of your life. And when you're getting to a point of using it (credit) as a tool, make sure it fits your lifestyle and do as much research as you would, you know, a new car or a wedding dress or whatever those important things are that you've done a lot of research in. You should do the same thing with your debt situation.”
Shift Your Mindset
“It was realizing what I was doing was not the right way. Because I was sticking to what I was told. And I was in a predicament, right? And there were some social pressures, right? You're supposed to do certain things as a woman,” she explains. “You're supposed to get married, have kids, and all these things, and I was following this traditional Caribbean path. That without all the right tools to understand what I needed to make that successful. So it was realizing, you know, if I keep going this way, it's only gonna get worse. So I have to do something different.
“And it was that moment that I decided just like Dasha said, to not be ashamed of it, not to hide it. I made a pact with myself. It was actually 12 years ago; it popped up on my Facebook memories where it said I'm gonna change my life this year. And I just focused on that any way that I could. I made mistakes along the way, but I learned that you know, you learn from mistakes. You can't do everything perfect. And over that year, I decided to change my life."
When she began working for NDR, she learned more about financial literacy, which further enhanced her journey. She also found out that she wasn’t alone and a lot of women are or have been in similar situations. She was no longer blaming herself for having debt and was finally letting go of the shame around it.
“It was realizing what I was doing was not the right way. Because I was sticking to what I was told. And I was in a predicament, right? And there were some social pressures, right? You're supposed to do certain things as a woman.”
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“That's actually when I started with NDR is when I decided to make that shift, right. And one of the myths I had to get over was it was my fault. It was not my fault. There are so many reasons that people end up in debt,” she says. “It could be medical, it could be a divorce, like Dasha. It could be, you know, just not having the financial education.
“At the time, it was not taught in schools, right? I just barely had a macroeconomics and a microeconomics class in college and it was only because I was in accounting that I knew how to balance a checkbook. So, it's one of those things where I just really had to let go the the shame of it, just like Dasha said, and move on, right, and take control and be confident or at least learn how to be confident as I got more knowledge.”
Finding Safe Spaces
As Dasha was learning more about financial literacy, she relied on community, particularly online. The self-proclaimed financial activist created The Broke Black Girl, which started off as a Facebook group and now has become a popular online destination that shares tips on saving, investing, building wealth, and much more.
“For me, when it came to shifting my mindset, it was finding community online, finding places that validated me. At the beginning, I had to create my own space because I didn't easily come across some that approach debt or just money as a whole in an empathetic way in an understanding, meeting you where you are type way, which is what led me to create The Broke Black Girl,” she explains.
“But then as you grow and you learn, and you find more resources, you find more communities, and I also mentioned like resources like NDR that understands that debt is not a morally wrong thing, it's not something that you should feel ashamed, excluded from having certain conversations about money and getting the help."
“But then as you grow and you learn, and you find more resources, you find more communities, and I also mentioned like resources like NDR that understands that debt is not a morally wrong thing, it's not something that you should feel ashamed, excluded from having certain conversations about money and getting the help."
She continues, “So, for me, when it came to the shift in my mindset, it was really finding communities and resources, and organizations that validated my experience. So before I could even start with any tools or tips, I needed someone to validate that I wasn't crazy, that I was making this up, and I think that was a huge play in me learning to look at debt and just money different as a whole.”
Natalia and Dasha are passionate about educating others on financial literacy. Through NDR and their personal efforts, they are hoping to make a positive impact in the lives of others and help them avoid the same mistakes they made. For more information about NDR, visit nationaldebtrelief.com.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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