
When His Cancer Came Back, They Planned Their Viral Wedding Of A Lifetime In A Week

For many newly engaged couples, the euphoria of their engagement is quickly replaced by the stress and chaos of wedding planning. For writer Ashley Reese and her new husband Robert Stengel, the anxiety around planning their recent nuptials was only intensified by having just a week to plan and execute it.
“That’s still something I’m really shocked by,” Reese tells xoNecole as she continues to try and wrap her head around the events that preceded the beautiful day.
The Brooklyn-based couple’s short notice matrimonies came after a tumultuous few years for them that started back in 2019, when Stengel began experiencing stomach issues. “We had just come back from a trip to Hong Kong and he had some symptoms like bloating and GI stuff,” Reese recalls. After weeks of medical testing, Stengel received a diagnosis of peritoneal mesothelioma, a rare cancer that only about 300 to 500 people are declared to have every year.
For Reese, who at the time wrote for the feminist publication Jezebel, and Stengel, who had to put his law school career on hold, their hopes for the future were traded in for a series of uncertainties. “I was 28 at the time and I think when you’re at that age, that’s an age where you think about marriage, you think about settling down, you think about the future,” Reese says. “And for that to be a moment when the future became very uncertain to us – it was very jarring.”
After rounds of chemotherapy, followed by surgery and even more chemo, the future was beginning to look bright for the couple. Stengel went into remission just as parts of the country locked down in response to the pandemic. “I remember people in 2020 being like ‘2020 is like the worst year of my life; I didn’t think anything could get worse than this,’ and I’m like, yeah my shit time started in 2019,” Reese said. “The pandemic was like a walk in the park compared to dealing with the fact that your partner has very fatal cancer.”
Life was beginning to look hopeful for the couple again. Stengel started law school and Reese started a new job at Netflix. Things were going well until earlier this year in April when Reese and Stengel were told that the cancer had returned. “That was scary but we were told that they would try immunotherapy which was a newer kind of a treatment option that wasn’t really available to us when he was first diagnosed and they can have high success rates,” Reese said. “I was really hopeful.”
Reese described the situation as going downhill around May. Stengel’s illness progressed rapidly, prohibiting him from keeping food down causing him to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time. He was hospitalized for weeks on end. This was also around the time that Reese learned she was one of the many people who were laid off from Netflix. She got the news just as she entered the doors of the cancer hospital. “It’s one thing to deal with cancer, it’s another thing to deal with cancer and also losing your job,” she said.
Losing her job meant losing her and Stengel’s health insurance. In a small turn in fortune, they were able to secure the money they needed for Stengel’s further treatment after strangers helped Stengel’s GoFundMe exceed its goal. The relief that provided only made room for the rough summer they had. “He couldn’t eat certain foods, we had to do like feeding tubes. A lot of his medicines had to be put [in] through syringe,” Reese said. “You kind of turn into a nurse overnight.”
Ashley and Robert with their community on their wedding day
Sylvie Rosokoff
On October 7th, Reese said Stengel sat her down after months of ongoing treatment. “He had the kind of ‘manage your expectations’ talk with his team,” Reese said. Stengel decided to pivot from treatment to palliative care, meaning he had chosen to live the remainder of his days under hospice care.
Reese said it was that same day that Stengel decided to call Reese’s parents to ask for Reese’s hand in marriage. A day later, Reese said that she told Stengel “let’s get married – next week.”
“He was given weeks or months,” Reese says. She told him: “I don’t want to take a gamble on waiting like a couple of weeks or months to get married, let’s get married ASAP.”
Ashley Reese
Sylvie Rosokoff
With just a week to pull together a ceremony in their backyard, Reese sent out a mass text to as many of her close friends as she could. “I was like, ‘Hey are you going to be in town on the 16th? We think we’re going to get married,’” Reese texted. To Reese’s pleasant surprise, not only were many of her close friends available to attend, they also began to volunteer to help pull the wedding off. Friends of both Reese and Stengel began offering to pay for photographers, invitations, floral arrangements, and furniture. “People were coming out the wood work being like, ‘I will clean your apartment,’”Reese said.
In just a matter of days, Reese’s dream of a wedding materialized. “It was really a community effort, something that I would not have been able to pull this off in a week,” Reese said. “I had this very nebulous thought of how things would go.”
On the day of the wedding, which Reese described as being a bit “chaotic” due to her lack of sleep, all the communal efforts came together to make a beautiful day for her and her soon-to-be husband. “After getting my makeup done, I see the house completely transformed, the backyard completely transformed,” Reese said. “It was just simply beautiful.”
Reese said her friend, writer Zeba Blay, said something to the effect of: “Look at these people we know through all these different walks of life – from schools, neighbors, work. People we just met through our journey as a couple.” She continued: “She’s like ‘look around at all the people who are here to celebrate you from different backgrounds, races, religions.” Reese joked, “It looked like the fucking UN in there.”
Might as well post this here too, but for folks who wanted to know how our wedding came together in one week, here it is ❤️ pic.twitter.com/gP0k8pOXFv
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) October 27, 2022
A week after the wedding, Reese posted a video of the day to both her Twitter and Tik Tok, both going viral on their respective platforms, with strangers around the world celebrating their love story. But even with all of the joy and love, there’s still sadness. “I’m worried about the post-wedding high dwindling and I’m left with this reality that my now husband is dying,” Reese said. While the wedding was a beautiful day of celebration, it also in many ways felt like a goodbye between her and Stengel, she said.
Despite the tragedy of slowly losing him, Reese and Stengel’s community rallied behind them in their time of need. “You don’t get to that overnight,” She says. “You get to that by fostering community and being there for each other. As much as people were there for me, I will be there for those same people.”
You can donate to Ashley and Rob’s GoFundMe here.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Featured image by
The Acne Expert-Approved Skincare Routine This Author Swears By
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
For historian and influencer Blair Imani, beauty is in the details. Because she never really had acne outside of the occasional zit, she never really saw the importance of creating a skincare routine. However, the year 2020 marked a change for her and the way she approached taking care of her skin. “I had to make peace with the fact that I was getting acne in my adulthood,” she recalls. “It made me step back and realize that I was not taking care of myself, and I was putting a lot of value in whether or not I had acne. Choosing to confront that insecurity and focus on recognizing my beauty despite what I’d been taught has made all the difference.”
In addition to a newly implemented skincare regimen, the Los Angeles-based creator takes care of herself through her anxiety and ADHD medications, prayer, stretching, reciting mirror affirmations, and intentional forms of self-care. She tells xoNecole, “Self-care for me has been shifting to adding more plant-based proteins to my diet and pausing before I react to things. I’ve been learning the importance of amplifying the good instead of shouting at the bad and trying to apply that in my work.”
As an author, self-expression is something Imani knows a thing or two about. In our conversation, the 28-year-old recalls leaning into makeup at the age of five. Whereas her peers had parents who stigmatized makeup, her parents fostered her freedom of creativity and self-expression through makeup. It would eventually lead to one of her most significant beauty lessons: “You can just wear lipstick. You don’t need to wear a full face of foundation and concealer to justify it.” For Imani’s biggest beauty lesson to be centered on lipstick is quite the alignment as the woman behind the best-selling book, Read This to Get Smarter, has also created a beauty line where lipstick is the star of the show.
The Blair Imani x Fempower Beauty Smarter Lip Sets launched early last month and is a collection of matte/dewy lip color duos that include bold shades, nude shades, as well as shades paired with affirmations of mirror decals. Her favorites from the collection? “For a basic [shade], it’s 'Self,' and for a statement, it’s 'Ubuntu.' But my must-have is 'Ujamaa' which is our bold scarlet red with a message about resource sharing and cooperative economics.”
Kaelan Barowsky
Courtesy of Blair Imani
Imani shares about entering the beauty space with her own collection, “It was so aligned. It didn’t feel like a departure, it felt like a continuation of my work in a new arena.” She continued, “Turning it into a business partnership that was mutually beneficial and was helping folks to get smarter through the medium of lipstick was an obvious path forward.”
Keep scrolling for more insight into Blair Imani’s morning and night skincare routines.
Blair Imani’s A.M. Skincare Routine Looks Like…
Step One: Double Cleanse
Face Reality L-Mandelic Face and Body Wash
Face Reality Skincare
“In the morning, I start with a double cleanse. I use Face Reality’s Ultra Gentle Cleanser first and follow that with the Face Reality L-Mandelic Face and Body Wash. I love that these are a gentle way to remove excess oil. At first, I was on the fence about washing my face twice, but it actually helps because I need different kinds of oil removal.”
Step Two: Tone
Face Reality Calming Facial Toner
Face Reality Skincare
“I follow that with my Face Reality Calming Facial Toner, which I have in a spray bottle and spritz on my face. Sometimes I mix it with the Thayers Cucumber Facial Toner. I love how they make my skin feel refreshed and hydrated.”
Step Three: Moisturize
Bloom Effects Royal Tulip Moisturizing Nectar
Bloom Effects
“I also add the Royal Tulip Moisturizing Nectar from Bloom Effects for moisture. It’s really gentle and I love how my skin feels after I’ve let it soak in.”
Step Four: Lip Care
Smarter Lip Set "The Nudes"
Fempower Beauty
“I make sure to put on a Smarter Lip Set even if it’s one of the sheer glosses because of the hydrating hyaluronic acid that Fempower infused into the formula. Don’t forget that lip care is part of skincare too!”
Blair Imani’s P.M. Skincare Routine
Step Five: Acne & Spot Treatment
Face Reality Sulfur Spot Treatment
Face Reality Skincare
“In the evening, I do my exact morning routine, but I add in two products: the Face Reality 10% Acne Med and the Face Reality Sulfur Spot Treatment. I love putting these on in the evening so that they have time to take effect while I’m sleeping. Then, I wake up and I do it all again!”
Featured image by Kaelan Barowsky, illustration by Kyra Jay
Originally published on April 13, 2022