When His Cancer Came Back, They Planned Their Viral Wedding Of A Lifetime In A Week
For many newly engaged couples, the euphoria of their engagement is quickly replaced by the stress and chaos of wedding planning. For writer Ashley Reese and her new husband Robert Stengel, the anxiety around planning their recent nuptials was only intensified by having just a week to plan and execute it.
“That’s still something I’m really shocked by,” Reese tells xoNecole as she continues to try and wrap her head around the events that preceded the beautiful day.
The Brooklyn-based couple’s short notice matrimonies came after a tumultuous few years for them that started back in 2019, when Stengel began experiencing stomach issues. “We had just come back from a trip to Hong Kong and he had some symptoms like bloating and GI stuff,” Reese recalls. After weeks of medical testing, Stengel received a diagnosis of peritoneal mesothelioma, a rare cancer that only about 300 to 500 people are declared to have every year.
For Reese, who at the time wrote for the feminist publication Jezebel, and Stengel, who had to put his law school career on hold, their hopes for the future were traded in for a series of uncertainties. “I was 28 at the time and I think when you’re at that age, that’s an age where you think about marriage, you think about settling down, you think about the future,” Reese says. “And for that to be a moment when the future became very uncertain to us – it was very jarring.”
After rounds of chemotherapy, followed by surgery and even more chemo, the future was beginning to look bright for the couple. Stengel went into remission just as parts of the country locked down in response to the pandemic. “I remember people in 2020 being like ‘2020 is like the worst year of my life; I didn’t think anything could get worse than this,’ and I’m like, yeah my shit time started in 2019,” Reese said. “The pandemic was like a walk in the park compared to dealing with the fact that your partner has very fatal cancer.”
Life was beginning to look hopeful for the couple again. Stengel started law school and Reese started a new job at Netflix. Things were going well until earlier this year in April when Reese and Stengel were told that the cancer had returned. “That was scary but we were told that they would try immunotherapy which was a newer kind of a treatment option that wasn’t really available to us when he was first diagnosed and they can have high success rates,” Reese said. “I was really hopeful.”
Reese described the situation as going downhill around May. Stengel’s illness progressed rapidly, prohibiting him from keeping food down causing him to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time. He was hospitalized for weeks on end. This was also around the time that Reese learned she was one of the many people who were laid off from Netflix. She got the news just as she entered the doors of the cancer hospital. “It’s one thing to deal with cancer, it’s another thing to deal with cancer and also losing your job,” she said.
Losing her job meant losing her and Stengel’s health insurance. In a small turn in fortune, they were able to secure the money they needed for Stengel’s further treatment after strangers helped Stengel’s GoFundMe exceed its goal. The relief that provided only made room for the rough summer they had. “He couldn’t eat certain foods, we had to do like feeding tubes. A lot of his medicines had to be put [in] through syringe,” Reese said. “You kind of turn into a nurse overnight.”
Ashley and Robert with their community on their wedding day
Sylvie Rosokoff
On October 7th, Reese said Stengel sat her down after months of ongoing treatment. “He had the kind of ‘manage your expectations’ talk with his team,” Reese said. Stengel decided to pivot from treatment to palliative care, meaning he had chosen to live the remainder of his days under hospice care.
Reese said it was that same day that Stengel decided to call Reese’s parents to ask for Reese’s hand in marriage. A day later, Reese said that she told Stengel “let’s get married – next week.”
“He was given weeks or months,” Reese says. She told him: “I don’t want to take a gamble on waiting like a couple of weeks or months to get married, let’s get married ASAP.”
Ashley Reese
Sylvie Rosokoff
With just a week to pull together a ceremony in their backyard, Reese sent out a mass text to as many of her close friends as she could. “I was like, ‘Hey are you going to be in town on the 16th? We think we’re going to get married,’” Reese texted. To Reese’s pleasant surprise, not only were many of her close friends available to attend, they also began to volunteer to help pull the wedding off. Friends of both Reese and Stengel began offering to pay for photographers, invitations, floral arrangements, and furniture. “People were coming out the wood work being like, ‘I will clean your apartment,’”Reese said.
In just a matter of days, Reese’s dream of a wedding materialized. “It was really a community effort, something that I would not have been able to pull this off in a week,” Reese said. “I had this very nebulous thought of how things would go.”
On the day of the wedding, which Reese described as being a bit “chaotic” due to her lack of sleep, all the communal efforts came together to make a beautiful day for her and her soon-to-be husband. “After getting my makeup done, I see the house completely transformed, the backyard completely transformed,” Reese said. “It was just simply beautiful.”
Reese said her friend, writer Zeba Blay, said something to the effect of: “Look at these people we know through all these different walks of life – from schools, neighbors, work. People we just met through our journey as a couple.” She continued: “She’s like ‘look around at all the people who are here to celebrate you from different backgrounds, races, religions.” Reese joked, “It looked like the fucking UN in there.”
Might as well post this here too, but for folks who wanted to know how our wedding came together in one week, here it is ❤️ pic.twitter.com/gP0k8pOXFv
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) October 27, 2022
A week after the wedding, Reese posted a video of the day to both her Twitter and Tik Tok, both going viral on their respective platforms, with strangers around the world celebrating their love story. But even with all of the joy and love, there’s still sadness. “I’m worried about the post-wedding high dwindling and I’m left with this reality that my now husband is dying,” Reese said. While the wedding was a beautiful day of celebration, it also in many ways felt like a goodbye between her and Stengel, she said.
Despite the tragedy of slowly losing him, Reese and Stengel’s community rallied behind them in their time of need. “You don’t get to that overnight,” She says. “You get to that by fostering community and being there for each other. As much as people were there for me, I will be there for those same people.”
You can donate to Ashley and Rob’s GoFundMe here.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Robyn Dixon Confirms She Will Not Be Returning To 'The Real Housewives Of Potomac' After 8 Seasons
Robyn Dixon has officially confirmed the rumors of her exit from The Real Housewives of Potomac after eight seasons.
In the most recent episode of her podcast Reasonably Shady with co-host and her now former RHOP castmate and best friend Gizelle Bryant, Robyn revealed to listeners that Bravo did not ask her back. "It's reality. I was fired, for lack of better words," she said.
"And I will not sugarcoat the situation and say, 'Oh I am walking away' and this is a break or anything like this. This was a network decision. And, you know, I'm okay with it because nothing lasts forever."
News of Robyn's exit first made headlines in late March, as reported by The Jasmine Brand. On the Monday, April 15 episode of the Reasonably Shady podcast, Robyn explained the reason behind her decision to wait to confirm her departure now versus then. "I wanted to speak my own business, my own life, my own news, my own life, my own news, and I wanted to share it out of my own mouth when the time was appropriate.
"And I felt like the appropriate time would be once season 8 of The Real Housewives of Potomac was finished airing, which it is. now finished airing; the last reunion episode just went off last night. And I wanted to respect the network and respect the show and wait until the season ended, which I think makes sense," she continued.
Robyn's announcement comes shortly after news of Candiace Dillard Bassett's decision to 'take a break' from the franchise which came during the airing of the eighth season's three-part reunion special. Robyn has been a part of the Maryland version of The Real Housewives franchise since the beginning with viewers being privy to a lot of the series' vet's highs and lows, including her tax issues in season five where the reality star owed close to $90,000 in back taxes, and her engagement and subsequent remarriage with on-again-off-again partner turned husband Juan Dixon.
Some of the pair's trials as a couple became the center of controversy when cheating rumors swirled and the Dixons maintained a united front with both of them vehemently denying any outside affairs. In a slightly controversial move in 2023 following a season of denials of Juan's alleged infidelities, Robyn placed her transparency behind a podcast paywall instead of airing it out on the show, a decision that might have been seen as the beginning of the end for the 45-year-old.
The Real Housewives of Potomac has sparked much criticism over the years, largely stemming from viewers feeling as though the reality show suffers from colorism and perceived favoritism shown to particular cast members depending on skin tone and the emphasis on "fake" storylines instead of focusing on what is real amongst the group of women.
Some of those pain points were explored during the latest season's reunions with the cast members not getting very far in understanding their colorism experiences. "There's no better group of Black women on the Bravo network to talk about that than us," fellow housewife Karen Huger said in the explosive conversation in the second part of the reunion special.
"No, actually, that's very incorrect," Wendy Osefo interjected at the time, "because if you want to talk about colorism, then you need to have the range to talk about it. And a lot of people on this couch, whether you want to admit it or not, do not have the range."
Candiace has been very vocal about her perspective on colorism as it relates to the cast and it is speculated that that as well as favoritism played a part in the reason she announced her own departure from the Bravo series on March 25 after six seasons. Though she emphasized it was "not a farewell," but a "'see you later.'"
The 37-year-old singer told PEOPLE exclusively, "As I embark on a new chapter after six remarkable years with The Real Housewives of Potomac, I am filled with gratitude for the enriching friendships, personal growth, and moments of introspection that have defined this journey."
She continued, "With a whirlwind of new opportunities and responsibilities on my plate, I have decided to take a break from RHOP."
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Featured image by Mindy Small/Getty Images