Alicia Keys Opened Up About Her Self-Worth Struggles On 'Red Table Talk'
Only Jada Pinkett-Smith and her mama can have me crying in front of my computer at 10 o'clock on a Monday morning and the latest Red Table Talk drop was no exception. In a special episode, Jada, Willow, and Adrienne were joined by GRAMMY-award winning artist, Alicia Keys, who replaced the legendary red table with a piano for today's segment.
During their discussion, Alicia opened up about the lessons she's learned in life, love, and motherhood and shared what she thinks is the biggest misconception she thinks that people have about her:
"Probably that I'm very happy or that I'm very strong. But I get the sense that people expect me [to be]. They're like, what do you mean you don't feel bad? Oh, and my favorite one. They don't think I curse. I'm like, what the f*ck?"
Along with dropping a few F-bombs and sharing some laughs, there were also some deeply intimate on-camera moments that Alicia had with Jada and her gang where they discussed the real reason behind her no-makeup campaign, struggling with self-worth, and being a recovering people-pleaser.
Here's what we learned during the episode:
Alicia Keys On Her Issues With Self-Worth…
According to Alicia Keys, many of the empowering anthems that flooded the radio over the years were written from a place of despair. Although songs like "Girl on Fire" and "Superwoman" may be about strong, independent women who know what they want in life, she wasn't always one of them.
"I have been doing this thing for many years where I have been downplaying whatever it is that I need because I never want to come off too demanding. I just need that little bit; I don't need a lot and I've always thought that that was actually a very righteous, beautiful way to be."
It wasn't until recently that Alicia learned that pouring from an empty cup isn't only unrealistic, it's impossible.
"I realized that, in fact, what I've been doing to myself and what I've been actually asking the universe to give me is only a little bit, I've been battling potentially some self-worth issues because, for whatever reason, I'm feeling like I'm not deserving of greatness. And I've been smushing it down for so long that if it's become a habit, a bad habit."
On Being A Recovering People-Pleaser...
"I don't even know how to get mad. I don't even know what it's like to just lose my mind on somebody just totally lose it. And my mother, on the other hand, is very good at being angry and kind of sharing her true feelings, which I actually admire deeply about her. So many times I looked at her like, I wish I could do that, which would be so freeing. But I think because she raised me and it was her and there was a certain balance that I had to naturally take in order for the relationship to work. And then I kind of took that with me everywhere. So then I became that person with everybody."
Alicia Keys On Why She Stopped Wearing Makeup...
We all hate the infamous "wow, you look tired" comment at work when the truth is, you really just aren't wearing makeup today, so Alicia Keys decided to do away with it all together. According to her, after years of wearing a full face of makeup, she eventually didn't recognize herself at all.
"I didn't even know my face. I didn't even know my own face. When I took off all the stuff and I looked into the mirror, I didn't know that person. It was that drastic."
Eventually, Alicia saw that her need to wear makeup stemmed from the same people-pleasing mentality that she had been trying to overcome all along.
"I was realizing that I wanted to know myself more. Then I started getting in his head trip about like, oh my gosh, I've done that because I've been told to do that. Succumbing to whatever people's expectations of me are, which is mostly pretty much my life. Like, Oh, what do you expect from me? Oh, let me do it."
On The Most Challenging Time In Her Life…
"I would say finding the strength to let go of the people that weren't serving me. Yeah. When they were so integral in everything that I had known and I felt almost so dependent on them, I felt in my mind I thought that without them I wouldn't be me. Yeah. And that took a long time to come to terms with that. People definitely assist you in your journey for sure. But they don't make you. Yeah. Nobody makes you, I make me."
Alicia Keys On Lessons In Motherhood…
There are people in your life who are meant to be blessings, and those who come into your life to teach you a lesson; but Alicia Keys says that her son and bonus children have been both.
"They've taught me to appreciate the vibe, to appreciate the magic and to know when it's not there. There [are] moments when something is actually magic and you're like, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and stay here. Yeah. And I might be really late tonight, but the magic is here and it's worth it. And then there's other moments where I'm like, there is no magic. I don't have to try to conjure up the magic, hurry up and make the thing happen. No, it's not happening today."
Alicia says that the lessons she's learned in motherhood have even crossed over to her professional life.
"Go, make sure you're where you need to be, you know. So that's been cool cause I used to just beat things to death. If I wasn't working 19 hours a day, I wasn't actually working. That's stupid."
Watch the full clip below!
Featured image by lev radin / Shutterstock.com
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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The Black Girl's Guide To St. Maarten, An Island-Hopping Paradise
Having explored the Caribbean extensively, choosing a favorite island is hard. Each island has its own unique charm, but St. Maarten stands out for a few reasons. Travelers can explore two countries on one trip: the southern side, St. Maarten, is part of the Netherlands, while the northern side, St. Martin, is French.
With 37 beaches, charming French bakeries, and Dutch wine and cheese shops, the island is great for those craving variety. It also serves as a perfect base for exploring the neighboring islands of Saba, Anguilla, and St. Barths - all just a ferry ride away.
If you’re looking for a destination for an upcoming solo or girls’ trip that combines adventure, beachfront relaxation, and great dining, here’s why St. Maarten should be at the top of your list.
Sonesta Ocean Point Resort
Sonesta Ocean Point
Where To Stay
To get to St. Maarten, I booked a flight to Princess Juliana International Airport, which is on the Dutch side of the island. After landing, I checked into Sonesta Ocean Point Resort, an adults-only, all-inclusive property about 10 minutes from the airport. The property has 24-hour room service, four bars, and three restaurants. My favorite restaurant was the cliffside Azul, where some menu standouts included mushroom ravioli, grilled swordfish, and braised lamb shank.
If you want to party, you’ve come to the right place. The resort also offers poolside DJs, nightly live entertainers, and the largest casino on the island, Casino Royale. You can also spend some quiet time at the Serenity Spa getting a bamboo massage in the Japanese Zen garden or enjoying an Island Flow massage in the outdoor gazebo.
The hotel is also located on Maho Bay, just steps from the famous Maho Beach. Nicknamed “airport beach,” the beach is a popular place to snap pictures of the planes landing or departing just a few feet above you. If you want to know the best time to hit the beach, check out the Sunset Beach Bar, which has a chalkboard with a schedule of landings and departures.
Downtown St. Maarten
Credit: St. Maarten Tourism
What To Do
While you could easily spend your whole vacation at the resort, there’s so much to do in St. Maarten. One of the best ways to discover the island is by ATV through Xplore SXM, which offers daily rentals and the option of a tour guide. The rental office is just steps from the resort, and I opted for a guided tour of the island.
The island is only nine miles long and eight miles wide, and it takes just a few hours to drive around the entire island. There’s no border control (just a sign to mark each side of the island), and you can easily travel between the two sides. As part of my tour, I stopped by St. Martin’s Orient Bay, one of the island’s best beaches. I also spent the afternoon strolling through Phillipsburg, the Dutch capital, and browsing around The Amsterdam Cheese and Liquor Store, which offers gourmet cheese, wines, and even wooden clogs imported from the Netherlands.
Orient Beach
Credit: Mariette Williams
Another popular activity in St. Maarten includes ziplining. If you’re brave enough, book a trip to The Flying Dutchman, the steepest zipline in the world. The ride is over 2,800 ft long and includes a drop in elevation over 1,000 ft. At the top of the ride, you can see neighboring Saba, St. Barths, St. Eustatius, and Anguilla.
During my stay, I also booked a visit to the recently opened We Culture Museum in St. Maarten—one of the highlights of my stay. A visit to the 8,000-square-foot museum includes complimentary drinks and a history lesson on Carnival across the Caribbean. There were instruments and handmade costumes on display, and I tried on some of the Carnival wings and headpieces.
The We Culture Museum
Credit: Mariette Williams
Where To Eat
Of all the islands I’ve traveled to, St. Maarten/St. Martin has some of the most diverse food offerings. On my first night, I took a taxi to Bamboo House, an Asian restaurant overlooking the city. The restaurant offers a variety of dishes like braised duck nachos and a special West Indies Espresso Martini made with Venezuelan rum.
During my ATV tour, I stopped for breakfast at Chez Fernand, an authentic French bakery in St. Martin, where I practiced my French by ordering the pain au chocolat. I also ate eggplant lasagna at Irie Gardens, a local vegetarian restaurant in Phillipsburg. St. Martin also has a big Haitian population, and Villa Royale serves traditional Haitian dishes like djon djon rice, pikliz, and grilled conch.
St. Martin is also home to several beach clubs, perfect for day drinking and lounging in breezy cabanas. Rainbow Cafe has a laid-back, boho vibe, perfect for slow brunches, and Ocean’s 82 is a beachside French restaurant specializing in seafood like roasted sea scallops and lobster fettuccine.
Aerial view of Saba
Credit: Kai Wulf
Where To Island Hop
St. Maarten is one of the easiest places to island hop, and you can collect passport stamps in three nearby countries. Start with a trip to Saba, a Dutch island about a 90-minute ferry from St. Maarten that departs at 9 a.m. twice a week. You could also opt for a quick 15-minute flight and experience landing on the shortest commercial runway in the world. I opted for the plane ride and held my breath as we touched down the 1,300-foot-long runway.
If you’re just in Saba for the day, plan a hike to Mount Scenery. Guided hikes are offered through the Saba Conservation Foundation, and my hike was led by Crocodile James, an expert hiker and local Saban, who took my group on a 90-minute hike to the top of Mount Scenery, the highest point in the Kingdom of the Netherlands.
Mount Scenery Trail
Credit: Mariette Williams
Views of Saba from Mount Scenery
Credit: Mariette Williams
Mariette pictured taking in the views of Saba
Credit: Mariette Williams
After your hike, stop by Tropics Cafe for a refreshing lobster salad or curry coconut shrimp.
I also recommend a day trip to Anguilla. The daily ferry ride is about 25 minutes long, and rides start at 10:30 a.m. In Anguilla, the best beaches are Mead’s Bay and Shoal Bay, and my favorite restaurants on the island are SALT at the Four Seasons Anguilla, Straw Hat at Frangipani Resort, and 20 Knots at Zemi Beach House, which has tables right on the beach. Anguilla is made for beachgoing, but you can also go horseback riding on the beach or enjoy a rum tasting at Zemi Beach House’s Rhum Room, the island’s only rum bar.
St. Barths is another option for a day trip, and the 45-minute ferry from St. Maarten to St. Barths leaves three times a day starting at 7:15 a.m. The island has a reputation for being a hideaway for celebrities and socialites, and like St. Martin, it’s lined with swanky beach clubs and restaurants. Check out Nikki Beach or Ocean Club St. Barths and head to the island’s capital, Gustavia, to check out French boutiques like Louis Vuitton and Cartier.
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Featured image by Kai Wulf