

The start of 2020 brought more than setting intentions and crushing goals. It brought on the most important election season of our time. As soon as the high of a new year wore off, the candidates turned up the heat on campaign ads, commercials, debates, and caucuses.
We launched into the throws of issues and policies so fast that it could make your head spin. To make things even more complex, candidates started dropping out of the Democratic race just as soon as you learned who they were. It's enough to drive you crazy, but it is too important to ignore. I don't know about you, but all of this sparked questions for me like:
- "Where does this candidate stand on gun control?"
- "Whose policy works better for eliminating student loan debt?"
- "Which candidate is going to address black women dying at an increased rate during childbirth?"
- "Who is willing to approach immigration with a reasonable solution?"
I felt overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.
At this point, the best thing to do is create a strategy and research the issues important to you as much as possible.
You don't want to get up on Election Day and walk into the voter's booth (or whatever the social distancing alternative of that is) clueless about candidates' platforms. Even worse is avoiding action in exercising your right to vote at all. It's a very powerful asset of your citizenship to the country, and it should be exercised with as much knowledge as possible. If we learned anything from the 2016 presidential elections, black women have been tasked, whether we want it or not, with the responsibility to save the election and the country.
Since we know we get out and vote, we need to use that power to encourage others to vote as well.
One voice that has risen above all the others, especially for black millennial women, is that of Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA). She has become the Auntie we've all needed, with a voice that unapologetically tells it like it is. Earlier this year, around the time of the State of the Union address, Rep. Waters hosted a media row for millennial outlets to come and meet with Democratic representatives to ask the questions that matter most to us. Rep. Waters is on a mission to get young people as involved in politics on all levels as possible. She sees the need to have us in the room to affect change for future generations. Essentially, Rep. Waters is creating room at the table for millennials and we are here for it.
Here are a few quotes from members of Congress on what black millennials should consider as the 2020 presidential election approaches:
Rep. Al Green (D-AL) on the importance of voting and being prepared on Election Day:
Image via Congress.gov
"I'm a 'senior millennial.' But voting is very important for all of us because it's a participatory democracy and that means every person of age can participate to vote. One of the things that we have to do is assure our friends and our neighbors that their vote will count. That's something that we in Congress have to take up as an issue. We have to educate our people and let them know that if you were going to have to have this birth certificate, let's start early.
"Let's not wait until Election Day to try to go out and apply for the things necessary to vote because you can vote with a provisional ballot in some states.
"I tried that in Texas, went there to vote without my ID so that I could test the system, and as a part of testing the system, I had to get a birth certificate so that I could get the state-issued ID. I sent off for the birth certificate some years ago and I still don't have it. I'm from Louisiana and I was trying to vote in Texas. Texas requires that you have that birth certificate with a photo ID.
"It's also very important for us to register people who are not registered to vote. For the people that are registered to vote, but they're not, we need not embarrass people, we need not say things to them about the things that they should have done and haven't done. Let's take a positive approach and give everybody the opportunity. Every vote will count."
Rep. Val Demings (D-FL) on black women millennials taking the lead in voting:
Image via Congress.gov
"I look at black women like I look at good quarterbacks on the field. Good quarterbacks have to have the ability to see the entire field. They know where all the players are, they know what everybody's doing, they know the strengths and the weaknesses and then we strategically make the decision, right?
"We keep up with everybody, and it does not surprise me that when we look at voting, that commitment doesn't surprise me--that black women lead the pack--and being the most reliable voters because we understand the consequences. When we have good leaders, great things happen.
"Bad decisions impact African-American communities and families more than anybody else. And so black women, when we lead, when we speak, people listen. When we lead, people follow. We've got it. We are not going to be denied. And I think if we are serious about turning this country around, then black women have to be at the table because we have the ability to see the field differently."
On black women millennials taking their place in government positions:
"We are now in the boardroom, we're on the sidelines as sportscasters--we're doing it all. We will not be denied. And I will say this: Know your power. I think one of the biggest fears is that we will know our power. Because you know there's that self-talk: You're not the right color, you don't have the right name, you don't know the right people, all of that stuff. But what about the negative self-talk we sometimes do to ourselves? I'm not smart enough. I'm not bright enough. I don't know the right people. I need to wait my turn. What does that mean? Or I need to pay my dues. What does that mean? We have to learn to just take the lead because when we look at the state of our country right now, we need young, sharp, smart, fearless black women."
Rep. Stacey Plaskett (D-VI) on using your uniqueness as an advantage, not a hindrance:
Image via Congress.gov
"We (the Virgin Islands) and Haiti are the only two places in the Caribbean that have won our freedom through violence. And so that kind of informs how we act. But I think the other thing personally that causes me to be the way I am is that I've always kind of been an outsider. I've always felt like kind of an outsider, but someone who still needs to lead.
"At Choate [Rosemary Hall], I was president of my class for three years, and I just feel like, although you may be an outsider, you have a lot to offer. And you can circulate in a way that others can't. I think I've tried to do that here in Congress. And that's really how I've tried to operate. I've tried to get a lot done in a little bit of time.
"So just remember, as we forge ahead through this political landscape, your voice matters---you matter. Your vote matters even more, and it is your right to be a part of this process. The issues affecting our community need to be lifted up and heard, and black women have that power. It is up to us to be the leaders and the change-makers that we need. When you go to vote this year, keep in mind your core values and select the best candidate that aligns with those things. If you want your voice to be further amplified, call your local government officials, question them, and make yourself known. We are powerful and can change the world."
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are Your Relationships Serving You Or Sinking You? It’s Time To Take Inventory.
Relationships reflect our inner world and what we believe is possible for us. As we navigate our lives, relationships serve as invitations to do inner work with others. When we are unaware of what is happening internally, it can be a recipe for disaster. You are no longer authentic.
Sooner than later, you may feel drained, depleted, and resentful due to unmet needs and boundary violations.
When your needs aren’t met, you will serve someone else's standards while neglecting your own. This is why it is so vital that we take inventory of our relationships and assess if they are relationships that honor our needs, our boundaries, and our truth.
1. You allow yourself to build more intimacy in your relationships.
Intimacy is the heart of a healthy relationship. When we understand our partners, we build intimacy with them. Vulnerability is a conduit for emotional intimacy in safe relationships. Our relationships thrive when we feel emotionally connected and supported by our loved ones.
Nevertheless, a healthy relationship does not mean a perfect relationship, and sometimes we need to assess and address what's working in our relationships and what may need some fine-tuning. When we are open to learning, growing, and developing deeper bonds with our loved ones, we invite them to preserve our relationship through open dialogue centered around honesty, love, respect, and safety.
2. You are choosing yourself and are being honest with yourself.
When you consider spring cleaning your relationships, you offer yourself a token of love. You are communicating that YOU matter, and your feelings, energy, and the overall health of your relationships matter. Spring cleaning your relationships allows you to be there for yourself.
When we choose ourselves, we advocate for ourselves.
So many of us are starting to realize that we have every right to advocate for ourselves, even if the environment we grew up in did not support our emotional or physical well-being.
Now that we can advocate for ourselves as adults, we get to choose our relationships, not from a place of obligation or fear but from a place of reciprocity, love, and respect.
3. It can help you to get clear on things you may have suppressed.
Suppression happens when we actively push uncomfortable thoughts and feelings out of our minds. When something painful happens, and we are left with no resolve, we can suppress how we truly feel as an act of self-preservation for the relationship.
Nevertheless, with honesty also comes vulnerability with yourself. Maybe you have been unhappy in certain relationships for a while, but it was too painful to address, or maybe you have been suppressing how you feel because that is what is expected of you in your relationships.
Although concealing your feelings may protect you from experiencing them, keep in mind that the body stores all of our emotions. There can be serious long-term side effects of emotional suppression, such as physical ailments linked to autoimmune disease.
Our mind, body, and heart are all interconnected, so assessing your relationships through spring cleaning not only improves your overall wellness but can also prevent anxiety, depression, and other chronic illnesses.
4. You can reflect on how you’re showing up in your relationships.
This one is my favorite! Spring cleaning your relationships gives you an opportunity to see yourself more clearly. If you are going through an imaginary checklist of what everyone in your life is doing wrong, you may be a part of the problem. Spring cleaning your relationships is not about what everyone else is doing wrong; it’s about accountability.
Take this time to reflect on how you show up in your relationships.
Are you kind and respectful to your loved ones? Do you honor their boundaries? What can you do to improve? How can you become a better listener? A better communicator?
Use this time to put a flashlight on your heart and take inventory of the places you love people from. Relationships are co-created, meaning both people play a role in the dynamic. Assess your role in your relationships and be the change you want to see.
5. Setting boundaries will reveal the health of your relationships.
Nedra Tawwab, the author of Setting Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, defines boundaries as a "verbal or an action that you communicate to someone to feel safe, secure, and supported in a relationship." As we are spring-cleaning our relationships, it’s imperative that we check in with our boundaries.
As humans, we are forever evolving, growing, and changing. As we grow, the boundaries that worked for us ten years ago may no longer serve us today. This is why it is important that we communicate our boundaries as they change. People cannot read our minds, and it is unfair to expect them to, no matter how much you think they should just “know” you.
All relationships need boundaries because people need to know how we want to be treated. In healthy relationships, boundaries are honored, and differences are respected. In unhealthy relationships, boundaries are constantly violated and not taken seriously.
When you learn to set healthy boundaries and you start communicating them through your season of spring cleaning, allow your boundaries to reveal the health of your relationships. This may come with a sigh of relief, or this may come with immense grief, but I once heard someone say, “Struggling with the truth is much better than being comforted by a lie.”
Let your relationships reveal themselves to you so you can form healthier bonds, repair broken bonds, or release connections that no longer serve you.
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Originally published on March 24, 2023