Tina Knowles-Lawson Shares Her Secret Behind Raising Not One, But Two Iconic Women
In the 80's, Tina Knowles-Lawson gave birth to not one but two legendary superstars, and one thing is for damn sure: No one womb should have all that power. It's Father's Day weekend, meaning that tomorrow will be dedicated to showering dads with the love and appreciation that they rightfully deserve. Before we commence in this celebration of fatherhood, let's take the time to salute the mothers who help make it all happen.
While fathers protect, provide, and prepare their daughters for the real world, moms are there to offer emotional support and instill the tenacity we need to truly level up and become the Queens we were meant to be. Beyoncé, Solange, and Tina are a maternal trifecta that have not only created multiple streams of generational wealth, but left a legacy while they were at it.
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for 2016 Essence Festival
Last weekend at the Summit 21 conference in Atlanta, Mama Tina slid through with some clutch advice about how to raise an icon. According to the 65-year-old mother of two, her secret was having the ability to love her daughters separately and equally. She explained:
"One thing I'm really happy I did was I gave each of my kids a day. As Solange got older, I would spend Wednesdays with her and help with homework and do those types of things and just devote that day to her, and then one day to Bey."
Although money can buy a lot of things, one thing you don't have to pay for is quality time with your kids. While the media may make some believe that the formula for being a perfect mom rests in her bank account, Ms. Tina had another perspective. She continued:
"It makes them feel [good] you know? Because kids, no matter how much you give them love and attention, it's never enough. I mean I'm sure, everybody who has kids knows, you can take them to Astroworld, to eat, and they'll still say, 'Well what else we gon' do?'"
In a rare on-camera interview, Tina's eldest daughter, who we all affectionately know as Queen Bey, explained that her mother's time and attention did not go unnoticed. In fact, Beyoncé explained that her early exposure to Black art and entrepreneurship is the part of the secret behind her $300 million net worth, and it was all thanks to Mama T's bomb parenting.
"I think it was important to my mother to surround us with positive, powerful, strong images of African and African-American art so that we could reflect and see ourselves in them."
Beyoncé also told the publication that in a way, her latest role in the highly-anticipated live action Lion King film was a tribute to her mother's parenting. As much as Bey is excited to share the experience with Blue and the twins, she is even more elated to be able to share this achievement with her mom.
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Two weeks ago, Bey and her crew shut down the internet with their dope Lion King inspired attire at Ms. Tina's 3rd Annual Wearable Art Gala, a high-fashion soirée dedicated to art, fashion, and philanthropy, and Beyoncé said that this is only the beginning. She explained:
"My mother and Richard [Lawson, Tina's husband] believe that art is a representation of our history. Right now there's a shift, in these incredibly talented emerging black artists getting their due. I love so many great African-American artists, and I'm just so excited that these young black artists are getting their due. My mother has always been an entrepreneur, and she's taking that and teaching these young women that they can be entrepreneurs, exposing them to things that they would probably never see."
According to Beyoncé, part of Tina Lawson's success in being a dope mother, grandmother, and entrepreneur all at the same damn time is having a partner that can match her hustle.
"She dedicates her life to it, and she's found the perfect partner, Richard, who is just a kind, honest, beautiful human being who dedicates his life to the well-being of these kids. It's about the impact that you've had on this Earth."
To Tina Knowles-Lawson, her motto has always been purpose over paycheck. Tina reminds us that when you focus on your purpose, the paycheck won't be too far behind. Bey continued:
"My mother always believed that every person in this world has a purpose, and I think her gift is helping people realize their purpose a lot faster."
Featured image by Josh Brasted/Getty Images
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images