Maybe it's because fall is my favorite season of the year. Maybe it's because I'm not nearly as OCD as 60 percent of my social circle. Maybe it's because, for the past few years, I've been learning more and more about how to live like a minimalist. Whatever the underlying reason is, I have to admit I'm not a huge spring cleaner.
I mean, have you ever seen how true spring cleaners get down? The list of duties is absolutely bananas (I've got an example of one right here)! But since the past 12-16 months of my life have been totally devoted to self-work, this year, I decided to do some spring cleaning...with a twist.
I decided to focus on purging and purifying my temple—mind, body and spirit.
And you know what? I must admit that once I put together a list of what that kind of temple spring cleaning actually looks like, I got SUPER EXCITED! I'll be real. The fact that you are reading this in April, that just goes to show that I'm still dragging my feet a bit in the timing department. But since the first day of summer doesn't start until June 21, all of us laggers still have plenty of time to do the kind of holistic spring cleaning I'm referring to.
Simply set aside a weekend between now and the first of June to focus on getting the following 10 things in order. Then watch how much all of the on-time-spring-cleaners in your life will envy you for doing it.
1.(Re)Organize Your Relationships
Something that I like about the old school Jewish temples is there was an outer court, inner court and most holy place. Based on the kind of relationship/position one had with the Most High, that determined what room they could enter into.
I'll tell you what, I'm not God but I am His daughter and it has been a totally life-altering experience to adapt this methodology to my own relationships. The outer court of my life are my acquaintances and work associates. The inner court are my friends. That most holy spot? Right now, it's my confidants (whenever a husband comes along, that space will be all his).
Since I've put various people into their proper place and perspective, there have been a lot less disappointments and drama because, rather than loop everyone in together, I share my heart, time and resources based on "where" someone is in my life.
(By the way, as you evolve, sometimes those relationships may change; hence, the need to reorganize them from time to time).
2.(Re)Prioritize Your Time
Something we can never get back is time. EVER. Since we only get 24 hours in a day and, if we are taking proper care of ourselves, 6-8 of those hours are spent sleeping, it is important to think about what you're doing with the rest of the moments that you have.
Me? Once I got into the swing of organizing my relationships, the natural progression was to re-prioritize my time. How much time did I need to devote to my writing? How much time did I need to spend on emails and phone calls? How much time did I need to put towards processing my writing, emails and phone calls? What could I say truly deserved 20 minutes that I won't ever get back vs. what shouldn't even capture five minutes of time?
None of us are getting any younger and time is one of the most valuable resources that we have.
Spring clean your mind, body and soul by determining who and what are worthy of your time and, who and what simply aren't.
3.Go on a Detox
This one right here kinda runs the gamut. It could be about only eating fresh fruits, veggies and water for a couple of weeks in order to get your system back on track. Maybe it's abstaining from sugar for a month (for the record, it isn't easy, but it will totally change your life if you do). Or, it could be something like going on a social media fast, focusing on breaking a bad habit or committing to a week of absolutely no negativity.
The objective here is to remove toxins from your life whether that's a person, place, thing or idea. Focus on what is causing you to not feel your best—mind, body or spirit—and spend some time away from it. Then watch how much clarity you'll have about what you should (or shouldn't) do next as a direct result.
4.Clean Your House. And Desk. And Car.
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I already shared that I don't go ham on spring cleaning. That doesn't mean that I don't get that my baseboards couldn't use some extra attention and that my ceiling fan shouldn't get dusted. Noted. But really, what a lot of us could probably stand to do is clean out our closets, office desk and whew—our car!
Kudos to all the sistahs out there who get theirs detailed every week. I'm impressed. But for those of us who know that our trunk or backseat is treated more like a glorified purse or storage space, now is as good a time as any to clean all of that junk out. You'll feel better and your stuff will look better once you do.
5.Unfollow and Unsubscribe
Sometimes, we forget that even our email accounts have a limit on how much content it can hold. That said, one day, out of curiosity, I went to see how much storage I had left in my Gmail account. What tripped me out was 1) I had used up around half and 2) most of what was taking up space was promotional emails, Facebook notifications (I haven't been on FB in like eight years) and messages from people I haven't talked to in my 40s (like…at all).
It took me about a week, but I made the decision to get some of my storage back by unsubscribing from dozens of newsletters and deleting emails (and email contacts) of people I don't communicate with anymore. When I tell you that it was re-fresh-ing? Words cannot express!
Sometimes we're carrying around extra stuff that we don't even realize is causing clutter in our lives and taking up space that could be used for something far better. When you get a chance, check out your own email and social media accounts. What needs to be deleted? Who needs to be unfollowed or even blocked? What are you waiting on?
6.Forgive. And Apologize.
There's a French author by the name of François de La Rochefoucauld who once said, "One forgives to the degree that one loves." I think that statement is dope because it's a reminder that you can't love without forgiveness and not only is it important to forgive others, it's also imperative that we learn to forgive ourselves; that we stop rehearsing mistakes—or conscious bad choices—that we made so that we can put that energy towards being wiser, safer and healthier.
Sometimes we don't realize that our bitterness, lack of trust and even fatigue are directly connected to someone we haven't forgiven, even if it is the person in the mirror. There's no time like the present to get that kind of monkey off of our backs.
Speaking of getting free, on the other side of forgiveness, there is sometimes the need to apologize. Not a pride-filled and flippant "my bad". Not a deflection or justification. If you know that you wronged someone or simply hurt their feelings, spring clean your conscience by making a heartfelt apology. Sometimes this simple step can be a miracle worker for your relationship with other people.
7.Release Your Baggage
GiphyThere are planes that have crashed simply because there was too much baggage on them. That's such a blaring mental visual for me because it's a reminder that I can be in the process of thriving and soaring in my world, but still end up wrecking something in my life simply because I'm not willing to let some of my past baggage go.
What are some signs that you've probably got some baggage that you need to release? Distrust. Paranoia in new relationships. Emotional instability. Unresolved anger. Being a self-sabotager. Keeping up walls. Being super clingy. Not trying new things or taking risks. Fear.
Life has so much in store for all of us. But we're not gonna get all that's coming to us if baggage is all in the way. If you don't do anything else on this list, make sure to clear your baggage out. Please.
8.Put Yourself on Your Schedule
GiphyIf you've read a couple of my articles here, you know that I am big on word definitions. When it comes to the word "schedule", let it sink in what it means: "a plan of procedure, usually written, for a proposed objective, especially with reference to the sequence of and time allotted for each item or operation necessary to its completion".
Wow. Having a schedule isn't just about making time to do something; it's also about allotting enough time to do something to completion. Completing something is about doing something fully, thoroughly, and entirely.
You know what this means, right? When you're putting your daily to-do list together, there are only so many things that you can do COMPLETELY. Be honest with yourself about what those things are and also make sure that you are somewhere on the list.
Schedule in a bubble bath and bathe fully.
Schedule in some quiet time and do it thoroughly.
Schedule in a way to celebrate yourself and do it entirely.
If you're not completing what's on your schedule, you're not scheduling it right. Yourself included.
9.Commit to Praying and Meditating More
I've got a friend who says that he doesn't get on his knees to pray. According to him, he and God instant messenger one another all day long. Personally, I like that perspective and, in many ways, I can totally relate. Prayer is a form of communication. Different people communicate lots of different ways—even with the Lord.
What I will say is no matter how you and God commune, it's a good idea to do it. There is even scientific evidence to support that one of the benefits of having a consistent prayer life is that it increases our self-control (who doesn't need that?!).
For me, prayer is a form of surrender. It's a reminder that I don't have all of the answers—and I'm not supposed to. Just knowing this, automatically makes life a lot less stressful or complex.
Don't just pray, though. Meditate too. When it comes to meditation, how often do you get out of your bed, sit on the floor, and deep breathe, in complete silence, for no less than 10 minutes? If you don't do this, I promise that you should. The practice of meditation does everything from relieving stress and balancing emotions to enhancing self-awareness and helping us to fight addictions. There are some studies that indicate meditation even makes us kinder people.
As far as meditation practices over this way, I'll admit that it's a lot easier to respond to a bill, crazy phone call or some sort of unexpected and unpleasant news when I'm calm and centered. Meditation plays a direct role in getting me into that head and heart space.
10. Buy Less. Give More.
Did you know that most people in the world only wear 50 percent of their clothes? Not only that but (surprise, surprise) Americans (and Belgians) waste most of their wardrobe. It really is kind of insane that we spend hours at work making money to buy tons of clothes (and shoes) that we'll barely even wear. That said, interior designers and stylists say that whatever we don't wear within a year's time should be thrown away, given away or donated. Springtime is a great time to do that.
Something that I've made a practice to do is guesstimate how much money I spent on the clothes that I got rid of. Then I make a promise to myself to not purchase anything new (in that category) until I have saved up that same amount. Talk about a price tag reality check. SMH.
Shopping less leaves you with more time and resources. How about giving more? Pay for a married couple you know to go on a date. Gift a single mom with a spa day. Treat someone in need with something they truly want. Research reveals that giving to others boosts our self-esteem, reduces depression and can even increase our longevity.
Not only that but giving puts us in good favor with karma. When you plant in other people's lives, you'll be amazed what sprouts up in your own—just in time for spring!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
7 Easy Spring Cleaning Tips For Successful Spring Cleaning
How Spring Cleaning Became An Act Of Self-Love For Me
Spring Cleaning: When Is It Time To Throw Out Keepsakes From Past Relationships
Featured image by Getty Images
Originally published on April 20, 2019
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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