Growing up in a Black household, I was taught that my butt should never grace the surface of a public toilet (if you know, you know). Even when I was a little girl, my mom made sure I knew to cautiously drape the commode with enough toilet paper so I wouldn’t feel even an inch of the germ-laden porcelain. I mean, it was serious business.
And as an adult, squatting over a public toilet is practically second nature. When nature calls, I don’t even think twice about it. The mere thought of my naked tush touching a toilet that has been sat on by hundreds (thousands?) of others is enough to make my stomach turn.
However, thanks to social media, I’ve learned that hovering over the toilet while going number one (and probably number two), can actually cause more harm than good. We’ve enlisted the expertise of Dr. Mukta Chauhan, DPT, pelvic floor physical therapist, and Dr. Sabrina Baxter, DPT, pelvic floor specialist, for their insight on this restroom woe.
Can sitting on a public toilet cause harm to the skin?
"I would just say that the idea of sitting on a toilet seat with your bare skin and especially not knowing the hygiene condition of the toilet or how the person before you used the toilet…you can feel a little squeamish about it. I admit I am one of those people,” Dr. Mukta said. “[But] we have millions of microorganisms that live on our skin anyway. So, it's not like we are harming ourselves by contracting more germs. But obviously, we want to stay clean. So, I personally like to either wipe the toilet seat or put toilet paper on top of it."
"But if people are mostly concerned about catching an infection [such as UTIs or yeast infections], your vulva is not coming in contact with the seat. It's a completely untouched part when you're sitting on the toilet,” Dr. Mukta continued. “It's your thighs or the outer part of your butt that's touching the toilet seat. You’re not going to catch an infection unless you have an open wound or something like that on your skin. Then you may have to be extra careful. But other than that, under normal circumstances, you're not going to catch an infection by sitting on a toilet seat."
I’ve read that squatting while using the restroom can be detrimental to pelvic health. Is this true?
"I wouldn't call it detrimental – I myself have done it on occasion,” Dr. Baxter said. “But I wouldn't make this a habit. Your pelvic floor muscles want to relax when you are ready to let go. [For example], when it's time to pee and poop, your muscles want to be turned off so that you can easily evaluate. Hovering over the toilet constantly can cause the muscles to work overtime, fatigue them and contribute to weakness down the road.”
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What does the pelvic floor consist of?
"The pelvic floor is a set of muscles that act as a hammock on the bottom of the pelvis," Dr. Baxter described. She explained that the pelvic floor is responsible for the five major functions below:
- Sphincter control, [which refers to the] opening and closing of the urinary and anal sphincters
- Sexual function (“Yes, better pelvic health means better orgasms!”)
- Stabilization, [which] stabilizes your pelvis, hips, and low back
- Internal organs support (“Don't strain when you pee or poop-- you could cause a prolapse!”)
- “Sump pump,” [which] circulates lymph, blood, oxygen, and nutrients
“Squatting over a toilet – especially if you don’t have good strength in your legs – means that you won’t be able to hold that position well without the help of your pelvic floor muscles,” Dr.Mukta clarified. “Your pelvic floor muscles are actually contracting and stabilizing your posture and [you] are not going to be able to completely relax for you to void. The reason why we have some people develop similar symptoms as a UTI if they continuously use the toilet in a squat position is because of pelvic floor dysfunction."
What is pelvic floor dysfunction?
“Pelvic floor dysfunction is basically when the pelvic floor muscles stay in a state of hyperactivity or overactivity for various reasons. [It occurs] when these muscles are not working at their optimum level,” Dr. Mukta explained. “People think that leaking only happens when the pelvic floor muscles are weak, but a tight pelvic floor can cause leaking – if it’s tight, it’s not going to be able to completely close. Leaking, urgency [and] frequency, constipation, pelvic pain, nerve issues, burning sensations, pain with sitting, lower back pain, hip pain, groin pain, and buttock pain, can all happen because of pelvic floor dysfunction.”
“And people may also realize that when they are hovering, they may have to push the pee out rather than keep it coming out naturally,” Dr. Mukta noted. “That's just an indication that their pelvic floor muscles are not completely relaxed. You need to sit down completely so the pelvic floor muscles are able to relax so you can void fully. If you have any pain or burning sensations, leaking, urgency/frequency kind of symptoms, just go see a pelvic floor physical therapist.”
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Having a community of people who I can share memories with, lean on in times of need, and inspire each other is something I always valued. I took a moment to truly center in on what I desired from the new friends I would make. Then I realized it all would have to start with me. I had to be centered and confident in who I was to attract who I desired to be aligned with. As someone who moved to a new city and established quality friendships, I gathered these six tips that helped me feel grounded and create community in hopes that it will help you, too.
6 tips to start building community and making new friends in a new city:
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Be true to yourself
Do you know who you are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in three words, what words would you use? In order to develop deep friendships, you must be a friend to yourself first. Know what refuels you and what zaps your energy. Self-study your habits and why you do the things you do. All this will be important to keep in mind when looking to create bonds with others. Every day there’s all kinds of people telling you who you should be, how you should act, or what you should wear. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that truly matters is your own. Spend some alone time with yourself indoors or out at an event you like to truly discover who you are in this season of your life.
Pray about it
Before you step out into the world and cross paths with all kinds of people, it’s important to pray about building your community. God outlines what true friendship looks like in numerous Bible verses such as "Iron sharpens iron." - Proverbs 27:17 and “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. If you desire friendships that last, pray about what you seek in friendship. I remember praying for mentally stable, happy, and whole women who moved through life with abundance mindsets. Take a moment to journal about the community you want to build and then pray on it.
Go to fun events to meet people who share your interests
Most metropolitan cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Atlanta are known to have strong young professional communities and events where you can connect with others. I highly encourage you to attend events in or near your community to see what the city is like and meet people. It’s likely that the people at the event have the same interests as you, which is a great way to start a conversation. You can start by searching for events on Eventbrite or following Instagram pages that highlight events happening in your city.
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Accept that you won’t be compatible with everyone you meet
While living in your new city, it’s likely you’ll meet a variety of people. Please know that everyone you meet will not bud into lasting friendships, and that’s okay! You are uniquely created and not made for everyone. Then you’ll meet people who are good for only surface-level connections, and then you’ll have your girls who you can get deep with. I think sometimes people can look down on surface-level friendships, but not everyone needs to fully know you. That’s a privilege to have and to accept within yourself. Continue to check in with yourself and be real about who you crave to spend more time with and who is nice to see for a monthly or quarterly catch-up.
Join Facebook groups & GroupMe chats
If you haven’t used Facebook in a couple of years, it’s time to dust your profile off. Facebook Groups is a great place to join online communities for people who just moved to a new city like you. Typically, you have to agree to the group’s guidelines, and then you can join. For example, you can search for groups in the Facebook app by using keywords like women, Black girl, or [the name of your city] foodies. With the GroupMe app, you’ll have to be invited to join an already existing group. While you’re out and about networking, don’t hesitate to ask if they’re in any online groups/communities they recommend you join too.
Be friendly to folks in your neighborhood
When I first moved to my new apartment, I spent the first week walking around the complex and working in the community spaces to get a better feel of it. I was able to meet people in my neighborhood, enjoy small talk, and learn more about what the community has to offer. Step outside of your comfort zone and work in your apartment’s community space or a local coffee shop to connect with others.
Overall, you may feel alone in your new city, but I guarantee you’re not. There are other people experiencing living in a new city too, and all you need to do is find each other. I hope these tips help ease the nervous feelings you have about building a new community and inspire you to make a new friend today!
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