The beauty of life is that anything can happen at any moment, and you can count on the journey to help you gain perspective and strength to deal with it. When I was 21 years old, I was officially diagnosed with generalized epilepsy. Epilepsy is a neurological disorder that causes abnormal activity in the brain, seizures, and loss of consciousness.
The seizures would start off slow. First, I'd feel very tired — both mentally and physically. Then, it would become hard for me to stay focused. I would be in and out, as if I was falling asleep and waking up. After those signs, I would have the seizure and lose consciousness. I also experienced memory loss and I can only remember the events before I had the seizure.
Sound intense? It is.
When I was diagnosed, I felt upset and even betrayed. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me or where these seizures were even coming from. I had no idea what epilepsy was at the time, all I knew was I was having seizure after seizure and it was stressful.
My first seizure happened in my bedroom. I was talking with a friend and getting ready to head out. I noticed I felt drained and completely out of it, I felt zombie-like as I was getting ready. Next thing I knew, I was laying on the floor with my mom and friend hovering over me and blood scattered around me. I didn't know what happened or where the blood came from, but I was too exhausted to figure it out.
After being sent to the ER and hearing my friend tell the story, I realized what happened. I realized that on my way to the bathroom, I began shaking (convulsing), then fell and hit my head on the end of the bed. I busted the top of my nose in between my eyes and needed six stitches due to the impact.
After a while, it became more intense and the seizures were happening way too frequently. I would have seizures on the train, at work, and at home. At that point, I knew I needed to seek out some serious medical attention.
I spent a year and a half trying to figure it out and go back to "normal." I went to different hospitals and tried an array of medications. Nothing worked. I wanted to give up. It seemed like the doctors didn't know how to help me. I was losing hope in the medical system and had a hard time adjusting to what my new life would entail. I felt hopeless and remembered that my mentor at the time used to suffer from seizures. When I reached out to her, she recommended I make an appointment at NYU's neurology center and I did. I'm so grateful for her to this day because that's when I finally received the proper treatment and tests.
I was officially diagnosed at NYU, but I also had to face the hard reality that this was never going away.
My doctor informed me that the chance of epilepsy going away as an adult was unlikely, but it can be maintained. She also informed me that the type of epilepsy I have can be triggered by hormonal changes, stress, and alcohol. So, if I wanted to start a family, I would need some medical assistance to make sure I can carry seizure-free. I was literally shook! Just when I started to get a little hope, it was taken away. As for alcohol, I cut back, but not completely at first. I had some wine and a beer here and there and stuck to things with low alcohol.
Fast-forward to life after my diagnosis, I was doing fine, I hadn't had a seizure but I was taking medication every day. The medication was bittersweet. While I didn't have any seizures, I wasn't eating either. I could hardly finish a meal and I lost a significant amount of weight. I would only eat one meal a day or drink nutriments. Although eating became a struggle, anything was better than the seizures, so I continued taking my meds and smoked some weed to gain an appetite. Unfortunately, my seizures didn't stop and I stopped taking my meds and looked into holistic treatments (which I don't encourage you to do without consulting with your doctor). I realized I had to make these lifestyle changes to live seizure-free:
Avoid Anything That Can Cause Hormonal Changes
I stay away from all birth control methods, emergency contraceptives, and anything that can affect my menstrual cycle. I also take folic acid daily as a preventative measure to lower the effects of any issues I may have during pregnancy.
I Had To Accept Epilepsy
I never really accepted epilepsy in my life. For a long time, I disassociated myself with it so much, especially in the beginning. I didn't identify with being "disabled," not that there's anything wrong with that, I just didn't feel that way. I didn't want to face it, I didn't want to understand it, and I certainly didn't want to live it. I was also younger and less mature at the time, which made it even harder. I noticed when I accepted it, I paid more attention to triggers and effects, I was able to do more research and became open to exploring ways of living with it.
Keep Stress Low
Like anxiety, too much stress can be a trigger. To keep my stress low, I try my hardest to:
- Meditate every day
- Practice time-management
- Exercise or do yoga
- Attend therapy when I can
Very Low Caffeine Intake
Anxiety is also another trigger and too much caffeine makes me very anxious. I avoid anything that may cause any additional anxiety to keep it safe. I don't drink soda and stick to decaf coffee.
Eating Healthier
I struggled big time with eating and because of that, my body wasn't getting the proper nutrients it needed. I make sure I'm having the necessary amount of carbs, protein, and vegetables to maintain a healthy diet and weight.
Avoid Alcohol
Alcohol was the biggest trigger and probably the hardest one to let go of. I didn't drink much but it was still something I enjoyed. I also felt very peer-pressured to drink. Every time people would invite me to hang out, the first line would be "let's grab a drink" and it became harder to deal with.
I also felt uncomfortable sharing that I don't drink, each response was either "how you don't drink?" "you don't drink at all?" or "why you don't drink?" I don't blame the people around me for their curiosity, but it was hard to deal with on top of everything else. I was very uncomfortable with having epilepsy, especially when it came to talking about it.
Eventually, I just removed myself from certain settings like bars and when people asked why I didn't drink, I just let them know it's not for me.
Since making these lifestyle changes, I've been seizure-free for a year *insert twerk*. If you have epilepsy, please consult your neurologist before making any lifestyle changes.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Freelance writer, content creator, and traveler. She enjoys the beauty of simplicity, a peaceful life, and a big curly fro. Connect with Krissy on social media @iamkrissylewis or check out her blog at www.krissylewis.com.
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Bi In A Straight-Presenting Relationship? Here’s What To Consider Before Coming Out
I don't know if it was Kehlani's latest tour or Teyana Taylor and Victoria Monét’s sizzling Usher tribute at the BET Awards, but something has sparked a lot of us into a late-in-life bi-awakening. Even Keke Palmer shared that she’s not strictly into men. But let’s be real: admitting you might not be fully straight while already in a relationship with a man? That can be downright terrifying.
Cultural norms and societal expectations can make you second-guess whether you should even speak your truth. The thing is, most bisexual people are in what’s called "hetero-presenting" relationships—meaning, from the outside, it looks like a heterosexual relationship, but in reality, one (or both!) partner(s) may be bisexual. Being bi but appearing straight? It’s more common than you think. This phenomenon makes bi-erasure even more real!
Realizing you’re bisexual while in a hetero-presenting relationship doesn’t automatically mean you want to jump ship. So what now? How do you navigate this revelation and still keep your relationship intact? How do you even bring this up to your boyfriend or husband? And let’s be real—should you come out at all?
'Is Coming Out Even Worth It?'
Coming out can mean showing up more authentically, finding new communities, and maybe even expanding your dating options (depending on what you and your partner agree on, of course).
Many bi folks feel a huge sense of relief after coming out to their partners and loved ones. As sex therapist Shadeen Francis puts it, “This can be an exciting and growth-filled time. People often experience a renewed curiosity about themselves or their relationship, awe about their sexuality, and a deeper interest in or appreciation for their partner.” In fact, your bi-awakening might even bring you closer to your partner. Vulnerability in a safe, supportive relationship can really deepen your connection.
Shadeen also points out that “partners can be inspired to explore themselves more deeply. While it may not always be about sexuality, one person’s self-discovery often sparks reflection for those around them, including spouses.” In other words, honesty breeds emotional closeness.
What If Things Go Left?
It’s important to keep in mind that not every coming out story is all sunshine and rainbows. Coming out as bisexual while in a heterosexual relationship is a deeply personal experience that can shake up everything you thought you knew about yourself. For Black women, this journey is even more layered. “Cultural upbringing, race, and religion can all influence how you discover, accept, and navigate your new sexual identity,” explains certified sex educator Taylor M. Akers.
Realizing you're bisexual can be both liberating and terrifying. The fear of how your partner, family, or community might react can bring up waves of anxiety and self-doubt. You might wonder if you’re risking the safety of your relationship or your sense of belonging. And let’s be real, if your partner or your people don’t vibe with bisexuality, it can trigger feelings of rejection and leave you feeling misunderstood.
As Taylor Akers points out, the idea of coming out can even activate your survival instincts. “They may fear losing the security of their current relationship and the stability it provides. Feelings of rejection could arise, leading to anxiety or depression, especially if their spouse, family, or social circle culturally disagrees or is indifferent to bisexuality. That can feel unsafe and threatening to one’s sense of self and identity.”
While those fears and risks are real, it's important to remember that without risk, there can be no reward. Stay rooted in your 'why' when navigating the tough parts of these conversations, and remember that those who truly love you will want you to express yourself fully.
How To Navigate the Conversation
Once you've decided that coming out is worth it because you want to be fully seen for who you are, think carefully about when and how to tell your partner. Timing is everything—avoid dropping this potentially relationship-shifting conversation when they’ve just woken up or walked in from work. Sex Therapist Kamil Lewis suggests, “I recommend having the conversation at a low-stress time, maybe over dinner, after watching a show together, or during a light conversation about your relationship.”
Once you’ve picked your moment, connect with your support system! Whether the conversation goes smoothly or takes a turn, you’ll want someone on standby—whether to celebrate with or to lean on. Kamil adds, “If a close friend or family member knows about your bisexuality, let them know when you plan to talk to your partner. That way, they can offer support, no matter the outcome.”
When it’s time to talk, here’s a pro tip: keep the focus on your own experience. Sex therapist Shadeen Francis advises, “Share your feelings using ‘I’ statements, like ‘I’ve realized’ or ‘I feel.’ Then, listen to your partner’s reactions without judgment.” It’s important not to expect any specific response—they might need time to process before they can fully express how they feel. And above all, if you’re committed to the relationship, say so! As Shadeen points out, “It can be reassuring for your partner to hear, as many assume this means you want to break up.”
This conversation might also turn into a teaching moment. In a world shaped by compulsory heterosexuality, your partner might not fully grasp what “coming out” as bisexual means. So, open that notes app and jot down your thoughts ahead of time. Think about what specifically you want to share—and don’t hesitate to practice the conversation beforehand.
The Bottom Line
Ultimately, deciding whether to come out as bisexual while in a relationship with a man is a deeply personal choice, but it’s also one that can combat the erasure of bisexual identities. As we’ve explored, this journey can be both liberating and anxiety-inducing. Bisexuality is often misunderstood or overlooked, especially in hetero-presenting relationships, and coming out can be a powerful way to affirm your truth—not just for yourself, but for others who may feel unseen.
Whether it’s the joy of being more authentically known, the emotional closeness that honesty can bring, or the fear of potential rejection, remember that there’s no one right way to navigate this.
If you feel ready to share this part of yourself, consider the timing and approach with care, lean on your support system, and speak from the heart. And if the conversation takes an unexpected turn? Give your partner space to process, but also let them know your commitment to the relationship remains intact. This isn't just about coming out—it’s about resisting erasure, embracing your full self, and nurturing the love and connection you've already built.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images