Here's What Kandi Burruss Wants You To Know About Surrogacy
Five months after the announcement that Kandi Burruss and her husband, Todd Tucker, would be expanding their family via surrogate, baby Blaze is happy, healthy, and giving us all of the baby fever. Kandi---who is the mother of a teenaged daughter, Riley, and 4-year-old Ace, and stepmother to Kaela---has been transparent throughout her surrogacy journey which has been a rollercoaster, to say the least.
The 43-year-old Real Housewives of Atlanta star recently sat down with ESSENCE and shared advice for women who may be considering surrogacy as an option but don't know where to start. According to Kandi, the answer to that question is early. She explained:
"You need to start having those conversations now, because it's not a fast process. The IVF clinic we used requires mental health testing from the surrogate and the parents. [In therapy] they bring up questions you probably didn't even think about."
While Kandi and Todd, who have been married since 2014, chose IVF to conceive their son Ace, the reality star shared that she later learned that surrogacy was an entirely different ball game. Along with grappling with her own fears and insecurities, Kandi and her husband had to come to terms with a number of rules and regulations that could make anyone apprehensive about the process:
"The overall thought process is: It's your baby but their body. Meaning, if [the birth mother] is not feeling well or things are [effecting her health] she can say, 'Terminate the pregnancy.' Although it didn't stop me from wanting to move forward, there are a lot of things you don't know."
After overcoming her initial anxieties about choosing surrogacy, Kandi was then forced to bear the brunt of external opinions. You can't pick apples from a banana tree and you can't expect people who haven't been in your position to understand what you're going through––even if it is your family. She explained:
"I had a family member say something like, 'You're not concerned that you're not going to bond with your baby?' It's like, of course I am concerned. I didn't need you to rub it in. You just have to remember everybody is not privy to how the process works. As you're educating yourself, you might want to educate your whole family and all your friends."
"A lot of people aren't going to be sensitive to your situation, because they don't really know a lot of information about it."
Today, Kandi is proud to say that she has no regrets about her decision and has even gained a friend in the process. On the Tamron Hall Show, she explained:
"Don't get me wrong that some people prefer not to have a relationship with the carrier and that's fine. In the beginning I was feeling this sadness because it was like, 'Oh my God, I'm not carrying my own child.' Once I got through that part of it I just started enjoying it because it was like, 'Okay, we got a healthy baby on the way.'"
For the full interview, click here.
Featured image by Instagram/@kandi.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy