What Is Intimacy? REALLY?

Something that irks me, to no end, is that people who engage in casual sex will sometimes interchange that term with “being intimate” (even I’ve fallen into the trap while writing sometimes because pop culture uses it so much). And why does that get on my almost last nerve? Because, as a writer, an “occupational hazard” that comes with that is being pretty word-literal — and since casual means things like “without serious intention” and “careless” and has synonyms like “apathetic,” “erratic,” “detached,” “unconcerned,” and “purposeless”…how in the world does any of that sound even remotely like real intimacy?

Now, to be fair, aside from friendship, another definition of intimacy is sex; however, it goes well beyond that. Being intimate with someone is about friendship and sex while also experiencing affection with them, experiencing a feeling of warmth when you’re in their presence, interacting with them on a very deeply personal level, being loved and understood by them, and seeing them as a safe space and confidant.

Uh-huh, now do you see why intimacy deserves so much more respect than recreational copulation? Damn straight, it does.

In fact, if you really take all of what I just shared into your being, it’s rare to find someone who you can be truly intimate with, in the full sense of the word — and honestly, I think that’s what intuitive intimacy is going to remind a lot of people of in the upcoming months.

Here’s why I say that…

Okay, So What Exactly Is Intuitive Intimacy?

For intuitive intimacy to make sense, let me first break down what it means to be intuitive. When you’re an intuitive person, it means that you have a strong intuition. And no, I don’t mean that arrogant (and sometimes delusional, if I’m being real) stance that some women take when they say, “My intuition is never wrong.” Listen, I have sat in many (MANY) sessions where a woman had so much ego (and sometimes even bitterness) tied up in her intuition that it backfired on her. How?

Because, when certain questions were asked, and various revelations were revealed, what really was going on was she was moving on projection, which is oftentimes a mere counterfeit of intuition. That’s part of the reason why I’ve written articles for the platform before like “So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy” and “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't.” So no, please don’t be out here thinking that just because you “feel something,” your intuition is working at its peak level. There is a whole lot more to being genuinely intuitive than that.

• Being intuitive is about being discerning.
• Being intuitive is about being empathetic towards others (many empaths are intuitive).
• Being intuitive is about being highly observant.
• Being intuitive is about being very spiritual.
• Being intuitive is about being super observant and being able to pick up on things very easily.

Adding to that…

• Kids and pets gravitate to intuitive people.
• Vivid dreams (and prophecies) happen to intuitive people.
• Feeling shifts in energy and subtle changes in environments happen to intuitive people.
• Having profound insights on folks you just met happens to intuitive people.
• Seeking out solutions over causing more problems is a solid trait of intuitive people.

I’m sharing all of this so that y’all can see that no, “I feel like something is happening” is not really what it means to have an authentic intuition or to be truly intuitive. It goes far deeper than that.

So, when you combine intuitiveness with intimacy, you get intuitive intimacy — something that a Bumble survey says is going to be huge in 2024. And while a lot of people define it as simply “emotional intimacy,” as you can see from all of the definitions of both words that I just provided, that doesn’t really even begin to scratch the surface. However, if I were to summarize it, I would probably say that intuitive intimacy is all about being mindful — hella mindful — when it comes to yourself, the person you’re with, and the kind of intimacy you wish to experience with them.

Examples:

• Your friendship with them needs to have a ton of empathy in it.
• You need to be so observant that the affection you give meets their core needs.
• And brace yourselves — the sex you experience with them should have a spiritual component to it.

Yeah, when it comes to that last one, let’s touch on “intuitive sex” for just a second.

Some Say That Intimacy Is More Important than Sex. However…

I thought it was interesting that when I read different articles on the intuitive intimacy trend, something that pretty much all of them said intuitive intimacy was about emotional intimacy being more important than sex. Personally, I don’t agree. Even when you look at how the Bible speaks on sex in I Corinthians 6:16 (Message), it says “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much of a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact.” It’s a reminder that sex was never supposed to just be a recreational or casual act.

So no, I don’t think that intuitive intimacy means that you should downplay physical pleasure or copulation — I think 2024 is going to remind (more) people that sex was always supposed to hold more merit and, perhaps if folks are more proactive and intentional about being truly intimate and fully intuitive in the bedroom, they can experience sex on a richer and more fulfilling level…and that makes me smile. It’s time. It’s past time.

Keeping all of this in mind, if you are currently in a relationship, ask yourself: are the two of you as intimate as you should (or would like) to be? Are you intuitive? Is he intuitive? Does it reflect in all rooms of your house? If the answer to these questions is “no” or “not as much as I would like,” I’ve got a few quick tips that can help to turn all of that around.

3 Tips for Building Intuitive Intimacy in Your Own Relationship

1. Focus on your friendship.

One of my favorite married couples has been together for well over 40 years, and every time I see them, they are together. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them apart, and I’ve known them since I was a child. I teasingly asked them about it one day and the husband said, “Girl, this is my best friend, my hanging buddy right here. Ain’t nobody I’d rather kick it with.” This is precisely why I don’t get folks who think that your spouse shouldn’t be your friend — hell, your best friend.

"Best" means “the highest quality” and “most suitable and desirable.” Why would you want to build with someone who you don’t see that way? Friendships are about fondness, loyalty, and trust (for starters). If you want intuitive intimacy with your man, focus on solidifying the friendship.

2. Become more spiritual.

A few years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” For those who are skimming this, your spirit is the essence of life — your life. And so, when it comes to your relationship, you and your partner should be improving each other’s quality of life in ways that you both can easily rattle off if someone asked you about it.

You both should be becoming morally stronger. You both should be feeding each other’s souls. You both should be “going deeper” into knowledge of self as a direct result of the way you influence one another. And yes, this should be transpiring both inside and outside of the bedroom. Is it?

3. Pay attention to one another’s energy fields.

Albert Einstein once said, “Everything is energy, and that is all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want, and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” The shorthand of this is “match energies” — only be intuitive when it comes to the kind of results that you want whenever you do it. Energy is big, y’all. If you want to go to another level in your relationship, be cognizant of your energy and pay attention to his, too.

You need to be fueling each other. You need to be making each other more positive. You both should feel more alive in each other’s space. And when it comes to sex, a man is literally going inside of you — how can you let someone who isn’t worthy of that affect YOUR ENERGY FIELD in that way and on that level?

____

This is the time when you’re gonna be inundated (if not flat-out overwhelmed) by a lot of trends that will be happening in every type of category and industry that you can think of. Yet, if there’s one that you should take seriously and honestly can feel pretty good about, it’s intuitive intimacy.

If you’re in a relationship, strive for it.

If you desire one in 2024, don’t settle for anything less.

Watch how it benefits you — on a billion different levels.

I can just “feel” it. #wink

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