

I found out I was pregnant on a Monday morning from two lines that painted my test positive.
I knew I was pregnant beforehand, but the test was my confirmation. I remember being excited that I wasn’t infertile like my doctor had claimed I was some time prior, but nervous as hell, because what was I going to do?
I stared at my situation as the lose-lose situation it ultimately was. On one end of the spectrum was to have the baby, to be a young mother, and struggle together, to be husband-less, unemployed, have no savings, and no real place to live – but to be happy that I was someone’s mother and have faith that in spite of the odds, I’d be a great one. On the other end of the spectrum, there was ending my pregnancy and forgoing motherhood until a time I was ready in every aspect of the word, or at the very least, the way I imagined it.
For about a week, I went back and forth with my decision, on top of having voices that were not very supportive (i.e. the men in my life, one of which was surprisingly my father). I was put in a position where I felt even smaller than I had before I heard the unharnessed opinions of my patterns of irresponsibility and emotional and financial instability. What I heard loud and clear was the dream life I envisioned for this child and I was more fantasy than reality, and I sank further into myself.
I had so much about me that I needed to work on and I didn’t want to run away from my responsibility, but I knew I didn’t want to do things alone. That same week, countering the negativity, I heard many more positive voices, most of them women who felt like I was confident and strong and determined and looked at me in a light that I saw myself underneath on my best days. That light lit a spark, maybe I could do it. But I looked harder at my reality, bills were piling up, I didn’t care too much for my living situation, I didn’t know if its father was who I wanted to be anyone’s father. Not to mention that I was already beginning to feel changes in my body that I didn’t like: I was exhausted all the time, sleeping 12+ hours a day, I got nauseous at the most subtle smells, lightheaded to the point of dizziness, etc. My tits were fleeky though.
I wanted all of this to happen differently, to happen five years down the road when I’m a little older and a little wiser. I wanted to go places and although a child does not mean your life ends, it does create a lot of change, changes that I wasn’t ready for if I were being honest with myself. I felt kind of bad then, because my thoughts no longer mirrored the inner dialogue of the women around me ready to nurture what my body and womb were preparing for. They stepped into their role as a mother immediately, while I was preparing to step down from mine. I didn’t want to be a baby mama. I didn’t want to be the person whose last name didn’t match her child or its father’s. I didn’t want to struggle. I wanted different things for my child. I wanted them to be and do better than me. I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my lifestyle, my desires, my goals, or my body. Call it selfish all you want, judge me or my actions all you want, but being a mother wasn’t what I wanted. Not yet anyway.
So I decided to have an abortion.
I entered the parking lot of the clinic to see a lonely bystander posted near the entrance with a sign that read “PRAY TO GOD TO END ABORTION” in bold letters. I rolled my eyes. Upon entering the waiting room, I was surprised to see how many women were there: white, hispanic, black. There were couples. There were women who were alone. The room was practically full and it wasn’t even 10 AM. The talk show on the TV was ironically talking about contraceptive effectiveness. Everyone seemed to be on their phones. My nervousness subsided a great deal because I suddenly felt a lot less alone in what I was about to go through. Lord knows my man, who came along with me, couldn’t understand. There was a lot of waiting in the waiting room, despite having made an appointment. It was about an hour and a half of watching our phones and laughing inappropriately before my name was called to come to the back. I thought he’d be able to sit with me throughout the entire process but when my name was called, I had to leave my purse and phone with him in the waiting room.
I found out through the ultrasound they performed on me that I was five weeks and five days. I thought I’d feel a huge connection at seeing that spot appear on the screen as a reflection of what was residing in my womb, a shock like the cold gel on my belly as she used the machine on me – but no. I got up, zipped my pants, and was ready to go to the next room and wait to take the pill.
The process is a series of five pills. You take one in the office with the medical professional and the other four 24 hours later. The first ends the pregnancy and stops the baby from growing. The other four start the “miscarriage” the body goes through, a process that involves the expelling of the sac, clotting, bleeding, and cramps so that your uterus returns to the size it was pre-pregnancy. The bleeding is heavy, the cramping is real, but for me, the process was complete within six hours and all I felt after that was an overwhelming feeling of relief.
There are a lot of women everyday who find out that they are pregnant and the two spectrums do not play out anything like the way my options did. Abortion is not an option that is often talked about and is very frowned upon, but I don’t believe that you should have a baby if you are not ready for one. I thought at 26 I wouldn’t be caught dead in a clinic facing the choice of terminating a pregnancy with a 17-year-old across seated across the room from me, undergoing the same treatment and same emotion toward the possibility of motherhood. I believed the 10 year difference in age would somehow up the ante with my feeling of readiness but life happens. Shit gets in the way and even if you have laid out the plan for the way your story is written, there will be edits. This for me happened to be one of them.
[Tweet "I don’t believe that you should have a baby if you are not ready for one."]
I feel a little tinge of pain in what could have been every now and then in my heart when I hear a baby laugh or see a woman with a burgeoning belly, but I don’t regret my choice because I know that things will happen the way that I need them to happen in the future. My time will come and I’ll have my daughter or son. I really just wanted to put my voice out there on the matter though, even if anonymous, because just like women who decide the hard choice of being a single mother, there is also a hard choice in deciding not to become a mother.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Here's What Astrology Can Reveal About Your Relationship With Your Mother
Astrology is gaining new popularity with many beginning to acknowledge what our ancestors have realized for civilizations - that astrology can reveal an awful lot about our lives, our personalities, and our psyches. Sure, we're all pretty familiar with the personality types of certain signs, but did you know that astrology can also reveal insights about your relationships with certain people? Specifically, your moon sign can shed a ton of light on your relationship with your mother, for better and for worse!
Are you and your mother thick as thieves, or is your relationship with her strained? Can you tell her your deepest and darkest secrets, or do you find it difficult to be yourself around your mother? Are you the apple of your mother's eye, or do you feel like you were never able to really please her?
Knowing your moon sign can reveal a lot about the way you view the person who brought you into this world.
If you do not know your full birth chart, find your moon sign here and then check out the information below to get a glimpse inside of your and your mom's emotional dynamic.
What Your Moon Sign Can Reveal About Your Relationship with Your Mother
I. Moon In Aries:
If your moon is in Aries, your mom is the leader of her household. Growing up, you viewed her as brave, bold and fun-loving. She was fiery and knew exactly how to put others in their place, if needed. You respect her, but may have found her to be overbearing at times.
II. Moon In Taurus:
If your moon is in Taurus, your mom knew how to tend to all your creature comforts. She expressed love through food and the material nourishment she provided to you. She was a very hands-on, affectionate mother but also extremely headstrong and stubborn. Not the best at negotiating, your mom wants things to go her way or the highway!
III. Moon In Gemini:
If your moon is in Gemini, your mom is extremely expressive and intelligent. You felt most connected to her through words and your stimulating conversations with her. Her behavior, at times, seemed unreliable to you, but you admired her on an intellectual level. Always moving, you probably felt like she was difficult to pin down as a child.
IV. Moon In Cancer:
If your moon is in Cancer, you are the apple of your mother's eye. You love and care for her deeply. In fact, sometimes you served as a mother to her - comforting her and constantly expressing your understanding of her emotionally. You are extremely close - sometimes too close. Your mom tends to err on the clingy, over-mothering side.
Growing up, you sometimes felt like you needed more emotional and physical space from her. You share a psychic connection with your mother - it's easy for you to take on her emotions and moods as your own, for better and for worse.
V. Moon In Leo:
If your moon is in Leo, your mother has always been a large presence in your life. Growing up, you felt a pressure to present yourself a certain way in order to preserve your mother's reputation. You felt that the way you looked and behaved was a direct representation of your mom, so you had to stay sharp! Your mom was potentially someone of public note, someone that many people in your neighborhood or community knew very well.
VI. Moon In Virgo:
If your moon is in Virgo, you love your mother dearly and would move mountains for her. You are extremely protective and defensive of her. Your mother is your world. Though you've always needed her deeply, you sometimes felt like she was unable to be there for you in the ways that you yearned for. You've been aware of her shortcomings since birth; otherwise, you would have found her to be very nitpicking and critical of you.
VII. Moon In Libra:
Growing up, your mother was known for her attractiveness, fashion-sense, her ability to throw a fun party and the beautiful way in which she kept her home. If your moon is in Libra, it is likely that your mother was popular for her congenial and pleasant personality. Erring toward the formal and structured in your relationship, you've learned to establish specific roles in each other's lives, making sure not to over-step them in order to maintain peace and a sense of fairness between you both.
VIII. Moon In Scorpio:
Your mother has affected you in deep and profound ways; deeper than she or you may even realize. If your moon is in Scorpio, your relationship has gone through major transformations through the years. You've felt that she was, at times, out of tune with your emotions.
You wished and expected that she would be able to intuitively understand you. When she didn't, you may have felt somewhat abandoned by her.
IX. Moon In Sagittarius:
If your moon is in Sagittarius, you've always required freedom in life. If your mother respected this, you both enjoyed a fun-loving and adventurous relationship together. If she did not fully respect your desire for freedom, you may have felt unfairly held back or restricted growing up. Wise beyond your years, you may have perceived her to be immature and naive, learning to rely on your own judgement rather than hers.
X. Moon In Capricorn:
If your moon is in Capricorn, your mother has always been more concerned with the serious matters of life. She viewed you as mature and knew she could rely on you for support and sound judgment. Self-sacrificing, she always put work before play and constantly had tons on her plate. You sometimes wondered why she worked so hard and why she didn't take an easier approach to life. She held extremely high standards for you growing up. Favorably, she pushed you to be ambitious in pursuing your goals.
XI. Moon In Aquarius:
If your moon is in Aquarius, you've always viewed her as more of a peer than a parent. Being chastised by her felt unnatural and foreign to you - almost silly! Parenting was unconventional - you did not have the typical parent-child dynamic. You were raised to be emotionally self-sufficient and didn't rely on her for an overly emotional or affectionate relationship.
XII. Moon In Pisces:
If your moon is in Pisces, you share an extremely intuitive bond with your mother. You often took on her burdens and emotions as your own. You were extremely sympathetic to the things she went through in life and were mindful not to add anything else to her plate. You felt like her caretaker in certain ways. You loved her extremely deeply and would fight for her. You are keenly aware of all of the sacrifices she's made in life for you. You wish you were able to rely on her more as a child, and may have felt like you had to grow up much quicker than you would have liked.
What's your moon sign, and how would you describe your relationship with your mother?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on May 7, 2021