Black Book LA: The Black Millennial's Guide To Los Angeles
I moved to Los Angeles less than a month ago and, upon arrival, I began to feel the cloud of overwhelm reach around my shoulders and whisper into my ear salty nothings.
Intimidation became a twin to my anxiety and I began to second-guess my decision. My craving for being around Blackness, feeling like I am connected to something other than the phone in my hand, and hungry for connection.
I decided to sell all of my things and pack my bags to move to Los Angeles to pursue my goals and plant my seeds in a community where I could be watered - culturally, spiritually, and mentally. Now that I am here, I am often looking over my shoulder, in digital threads for belonging, and in the small nooks of the city for women and men who also hear their own echoes of desire under a California moon.
How can one complain about the beach in their own backyard?
I am finding that I prefer the waters in my vicinity to be of depth and not shallow reminders of only dipping my toes into the abyss of life. I want to be around Blackness that is bold and carefree, who want to share memories of song, and laugh in the face of our plights. I crave game nights and museum exhibits and dance parties that remind us of our beauty.
Because it was not explicit in its presence, I was beginning to feel helpless in the pursuit of a tribe. I found myself questioning, "Where the HELL are all the Black people in LA?!"
And then alas, after tireless scrolling and Google searches, I came across the precious gem that is Black Book LA.
Black Book LA is a network and curated directory of the top events, spaces, and places for Black folk in Los Angeles. It's described as "the Black millennial's guide to Los Angeles."
From the outside looking in, one can look at LA and then scoff at the person who is claiming to feel "out of the loop" or "isolated" in such a city that is rich with so many people. But, through conversations with other young Black professionals and creatives who moved out to the City of Angels for a similar goal, it can sometimes feel like it is hard to paint the city with your colors or find the right tribe. Thus, Black Book LA is the exact compass a millennial woman-of-color needs to navigate this grandiose and yet obscure metropolis.
The name of the game is building a stronger community and Black Book LA aims to do so with a platform that curates everything from the best events and businesses, to the best places to live and work connections.
So far, it's succeeding.
On the @BlackBookLA website, they carefully crafted a directory to all of the Black-owned businesses in Los Angeles. And with their weekly newsletter, they direct you to all of the Black-created events in LA; the types of events range from wellness, to entertainment and career networking. Blackness is not monolithic and their website certainly appeals to all diagonals of the diaspora.
One of the creators of Black Book LA, Makiah Green, is a writer that sought to create the directory out of a need for representation, for others who looked like her, for the feeling of belonging to something that mirrored her own interests. Raised by LA - Compton to be exact - she felt the need to redefine her environment post-grad school. There was a genuineness missing; a genuineness that you feel around others who empathize with you and your story. "I rediscovered LA all over again," she said. "It made me want to know where all the real people are. I wanted more genuine people in my life and real connections."
She met Tyree Boyd-Pates through a mutual friend and the two instantly connected on the idea. It started with just a Squarespace landing page for people to sign up for newsletter updates. From 100 subscribers to 20,000 subscribers, their growth is a testament to dedication and intentional consistency in work that's even bigger than you.
As someone who came across her page in search for community, I got excited about a Black Panther party, as well as a healing yoga session for Black women. But being that I have my priorities straight so far in 2018, I was most excited about their housing network and job directory network on Facebook. It's evident that Black Book LA is not only about connecting Black folx but about providing essential services for them to prosper and grow.
"I made it a point to carve out community for self, and also cultivate community for others," Makiah said.
I admire Makiah's work with Black Book LA and her drive to not only create a world for the people of color out here in LA, but empower women in the process.
Makiah had some encouraging words of advice for budding entrepreneurs and community empowerment. "Don't look up, look around. There is brilliance all around you. Look around and acknowledge it. Who is in similar realms that you can build and grind with? That is how you make those real connections. It's not just about how can I help myself, but who can I help in the process?"
Coming across BBBLA feels like Makiah is saying "I see you" in a city that can leave one feeling otherwise invisible. She is truly filling the gaps for young Black women to find representation and curating the awareness that the city needs. I'm finding dope women who feed my soul, one event at a time. And who knows, maybe one day, my young black King will follow.
Follow Makiah on Twitter and be sure to check out the Black Book LA directory here.
Featured image by Getty Images
Olivia Jade is a writer and creative engineer, intersecting wellness, culture, womanism, and self-development. She waters the flowers in her mind so others can recognize their own internal garden. Link up: @akaoliviajade (Twitter and IG) oliviajade.co
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images