Even though the words "no means no" are repeated often in conversations about rape and sexual assault, there still seems to be confusion about what the word consent actually means.
Perhaps the confusion lies in how consent is communicated. Some people feel that consent begins with how a woman dresses, so if she wears provocative clothing, she's agreeing to sexual assault, inappropriate touches, groping, and cat calling. Wherever the confusion lies, the solution of a woman dressing according to how she wants the world to view her keeps being brought up in conversations about consent. But that idea keeps getting proven wrong, especially when conservatively dressed women, whether she's wearing a hijab or jeans, are reported as rape victims in the news.
In the end, it doesn't matter why or where the uncertainly looms, how a woman dresses has absolutely nothing to do with consent.
[easy-tweet tweet="How a woman dresses has absolutely nothing to do with consent. "]
Fortunately, Amber Rose was able to break down the word and dispel any doubts during her appearance on the OWN show, "It's Not You, It's Men" with Tyrese and Rev. Run.
The conversation started with Amber saying that she is always inappropriately touched by both men and women, and it get's to be too much.
“When I walk down the street, people think because I’m famous, or I’m cool and I’m taking pictures, that they can just grab my ass or put their hand under my skirt or [say], ‘Oh Amber, can I come grab your boobs?'...Girls do that to me all the time, and it does get like, I love you girls so much, but it does get like, stop grabbing on my boobs constantly and my butt...And guys, too. This is my privacy.”
Tyrese tried to explain that the energy a woman sends out with the way that she dresses may be part of the reason why people felt compelled to touch her inappropriately. But Muva wasn't having it, and she broke it down for the homie really quickly.
Tyrese: The comfortability that people find in wanting to touch or grope you, or feel like just like...it's an energy that's being sent out there that creates that type of response. Amber: No it doesn't, and I'm [going to] tell you why, If I'm laying down with a man butt naked, and his condom is on, and I say, 'You know what? No, I don't want to do this, I changed my mind.' That means no! That mean's f*cking no, that's it!
It doesn't matter how far I take it, or what I have on, when I say 'no' it means 'no.'
Rev. Run jumped in the conversation, and added that there was truth in the idea that women should "dress how you want to be addressed," and Amber shut the Rev down with that idea.
Amber: Oh boo! No, that's not realistic. Stop it! If I want to wear a short skirt, or a tank top, and I'm at the club and I'm having fun with my friends and I feel sexy, I'm not DTF. I'm not even looking at you. I don't even want to have sex with you. I didn't come here to have sex. I didn't come here to hook up with nobody. I came out here with my girls, and I just feel pretty. I'm not asking for nothing.
She brought home her sermon by giving it to Rev. Run and Tyrese plain and simple: society is to blame for the idea that a women should cover up in order to avoid being slut shamed or raped. She said,
And I'm not mad at ya'll, because that's how society raised all of us. I'm a former slut shamer, I've called women whores a million times, you know what I'm saying? And now I'm not. I'm a former slut shamer, and I have a slut walk, so like I said, society teaches us to be that way. You see a woman that's like, dressed provocative, and you're just like, 'She's loose.'
There's a lot a validity to what Amber has to say about consent. A woman shouldn't have to dress like a pilgrim in order to not be looked at as an object, because an entitled man is going to look at her like an object anyway.
We can only hope that in the future, the conversation of men addressing a woman with respect will be more important in combating rape and rape culture, rather than focusing on the a woman chooses to wear.
Watch the full episode tonight on OWN at 9 p.m. ET tonight.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
Season 2 Netflix GIF by Gilmore Girls GiphyIn the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
Season 1 Ff GIF by FreeformGiphyThe baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
High School Drama GIF by HBO MaxGiphyOnly children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
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