How To Create A Pamper Routine Your Self-Care Saturdays Will Thank You For
Imagine walking out of the doctor's office with a prescription that says, "Pamper yourself one time a week."
I bet you would be just as puzzled if a script was handed to you with directions to love yourself because there are a lot of sources instructing you to do so but few and far in-between telling you exactly how.
Pampering is just as subjective to an individual as self-love, meaning that there really is no one-size-fits-all way to do so, and there is a little work involved to find the best ways for you. For example, a person that usually takes a DIY approach to their hair and makeup may find it pampering to splurge on a salon experience, whereas others find it to be a routine.
The definition of "pampering," however, is "to indulge with every attention, comfort, and kindness; spoil." With that in mind, hold on tight sis, we are about to turn your birthday into a lifestyle!
Step One: Prepare For Your Self-Care Day No Later Than The Night Before
What good is a day out at the spa sipping mimosas and living your best life with a messy house and a sink full of dishes? Now don't get me wrong, the whole adulting thing is a tough reality that none of us signed up for in the first place, but a major key of any successful routine is discipline.
Set an hour or two aside to get your living space fit for a queen so that you can wake up (a little later than usual) to a beautiful and clean abode. With all of the household chores out of the way, not only will you have a great self-care Saturday, but a great weekend.
Step Two: Think Deep Thoughts About Parts Of Yourself That Need A Lot More Attention And Plan Accordingly
Your self-care day is a lot like planning your friend's birthday, except you are putting all of that attention on you, which can feel a bit odd if you aren't used to loving on yourself.
Taking a brief inventory of your true emotions each day can point you in the best direction. Feeling anxious and overwhelmed during the week? It's time to bust out Groupon to find a deal on a massage. Feeling scattered and overwhelmed at the end of your week? Perhaps putting the 'do not disturb' sign on life by data fasting and having a staycation at home filled with wine and ice cream will do the trick.
Honey, whatever floats your boat is what you really need to be aware of because the day is yours. The great thing about journaling a few of your emotions and planning your pampering accordingly is, you learn to care for yourself as if you are your best friend. After seeing a repetition of a negative emotion, you will instinctively know "Hmm girl.. It looks like you need a spa day."
Step Three: Create An Accountability System For Your Pampering
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I grew up watching way too many Disney movies, but even as an adult I often find myself still enamored by the concept of The Enchanted Rose. To make an extremely long story short, the rose would wilt to its demise causing the human prince to remain in a beast's body unless he learned how to love another person. It seems like there are so many levels to life that are off-limits until you start loving yourself, yet in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget how important it is to schedule the time to do so.
The antidote to this is commencing your pampering routine with a bouquet of flowers of your own. It's something about fresh flowers that brings out the bougie in all of us, and metaphorically those beautiful flowers represent you. If you love being dramatic, you could pretend that the death of those flowers means the death of your best life, or you could use the flowers as a reminder: "Water is running low, it's time to give them some TLC and take inventory of my feelings," or, "My flowers are dying, it's time to get some fresh ones"... *ding ding ding* you just pampered yourself.
You only get one you, and you deserve all of the love that you try your best to give everyone else. The thing about self-love and self-care is it's hard as f*ck at first, but you will never regret doing the work.
You won't run into anyone who says, "I regret being active, eating right, going to therapy, and treating myself kindly," so why not turn those activities into a lifestyle? You owe it to yourself to be exactly who you need.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images