Searching For A New Church Home? Here Are 6 Things To Consider
You've visited twenty different churches but none seem to fit. Some Sundays, you're excited to get up, get dressed and go search. Other times, you'd rather pledge membership to Bedside Baptist and call it a day. But there is a tug at your spirit. Your desire for faith community is growing by the day and YouTube sermons are starting to feel supplementary at best. You want to experience God corporately in a way that not only transforms your life but others' lives through you.
I'll say this: Finding the right church home is an important search and it takes time, trial and error, and a discerning heart to find a community that speaks to you. A faith space in which you can grow, serve, and thrive.
When I moved to the DMV last year, I knew---after three years of avoiding it---that I needed a church home. I could no longer opt out based upon previous experiences. Something was tugging at my soul to find a safe faith space in which to heal, grow, and stir up the spiritual gifts inside.
I needed to get to God and I couldn't get to Him alone.
A Facebook friend invited me to her church after I'd tried a few others that weren't quite right. Even I was shocked when it only took two visits to know it was the one for me. But I have some non-negotiables just as I do with relationships (a whole other article) that prepared me for the search. So, knowing what was right was just as simple as knowing what would not work for me.
I hope this list helps you to refine your search and get a little closer to finding a faith community that speaks to you in the new year (or maybe even sooner!):
1.Clarity Of Beliefs
Are the church mission and principles clear? This should be one of the first things you consult to understand if how the church operates aligns with your values and speaks to your spirit. There should be a mission statement or statement of belief on their website, church bulletin board, or weekly programs, and it should be evident in their church culture. If access to this information is limited or nonexistent, it could be a sign of disorder and disarray - neither of which is a firm spiritual foundation.
2.Integrity Of Leadership
Does the teaching align with accurate interpretation of Scripture? If the pastor never consults the Textbook, there are no guardrails to keep him or her from preaching and teaching their own ideas, thoughts, and opinions instead of God's inspired word. This is dangerous. Vet your church leadership - their temperament, leadership style, and if how they lead/teach enables or stifles spiritual growth. Look for preaching and teaching replete with scriptural reference. This shows the leader's good stewardship of their office and helps in your own personal understanding, study, and devotion.
3.Freedom
Do the church members exercise their agency to be themselves? To grow at the pace of their walk with God? To hone their unique gifts and use their talents? Churches are not compounds of groupthink. If God was creative enough to FORM each of us individually, we do ourselves and the rest of the world a disservice to voluntarily put ourselves on an assembly line. A church that encourages individuality, creativity, and exploration of gifts and callings is a church seeking to operate effectively.
4.A Culture Of Service
Are there opportunities to grow in one's ministry of serving others? Does the church have (or is it open to beginning) a ministry for members who need assistance? The first church was committed (as directed by Jesus) to caring for one another and their greater community. Where selflessness is absent, selfishness, jealousy, and infighting are rampant. Show me a church culture with a flourishing service ministry and I'll show you a church where selfishness won't win, even if it does rear its ugly head from time to time.
5.Welcoming Spirit
Are members and leaders welcoming you into the space? Do they smile and seem happy to be present? It seems like a no-brainer but it's worth stating that if the church members or leaders don't speak to you and you're unsure of where to go or what to do it may not be someplace you'll want to put down roots.
6.Growth
Is the church growing? Are members excited to tell others about their church? Does the community have good things to say? If the church was founded in 1999 and there are only 20 members in 2018, that's a red flag. People should be on assignment, creating, learning, growing, exercising their gifts. This naturally leads to growth. A church whose members only come to a service and go home is a sign of a church that is either dead or dying. It doesn't have to be a mega church but there should be growth. There should be movement. There should be at least locally widespread good news about that faith space's presence in the community.
The search is a sacred, intimate one. If you don't feel led to join a particular church, don't let anyone talk you into it. Wait for your heart and mind to agree. When you're sure, don't let anyone talk you out of it. The journey of evolution that awaits on the other side is a beautiful one.
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Featured image by Getty Images
Originally published on December 16, 2018
- How to Find a Church: 7 Things to Look for - FaithGateway ›
- How to Find Your New Church Home After a Move | Bekins ›
- When Is It Time to Find a New Church? - RELEVANT Magazine ›
- Looking for the 'Right' Church? | Focus on the Family ›
- 5 Tips for Finding a New Church - RELEVANT Magazine ›
- How Do I Find the Right Church? | Focus on the Family ›
- How to Find a Church That's a Good Fit for You ›
- What should I look for when choosing a new church home? ›
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images