Jill Scott Is Proof That Oral Sex Can Be Empowering
If you're anything like me, you were baffled, dazed and confused when you saw Auntie Jilly from Philly take control of the mic in a way we've never seen before. Singer Jill Scott gave the audience a show of a lifetime when she used the microphone to demonstrate her oral sex skills in a viral video that ultimately broke the internet.
Even a few celebrities chimed in. Questlove from The Roots tweeted:
"Lol at y'all Jill Scott newbies, y'all thought she was incense and sandals huh?"
According to longtime fans, this isn't Jill's first time coupling the erotic with her art, and in songs like "Crown Royal", she's definitely proven to all of us that she's bout that life. But the video has sparked a bigger conversation about women and sexuality. The singer had this to say about her viral video:
"Hi. I sing/act out all kinds of stories. You should cum to my shows. After a Jill Scott show, most people get splendidly laid by whoever they came with #iftheydontFitup #stopfrontinusuckdicktoo
They also usually go on 2happier, more productive, focused, wealthy lives."
Say it, Auntie.
We couldn't have possibly assumed that this beautiful, incense-burning, soul-singing goddess wanted to take a walk through the park after dark without some heavy petting involved, right? As women of color, we are taught that if we are too sexual, we are problematic, and if we aren't sexual enough, there must be some problem with us. Jilly just kicked down those barriers and gave us a lesson in the empowering power of sucking d*ck.
Needless to say, Mom and Dad, if you're reading turn around. Quick, leave. Because there's no turning back after this.
Now, I've sucked a lot of d*ck in my day. Let me rephrase that, I've been intimate in that way with a few partners a number of times. Contrary to what many women think, it's not demeaning or anti-feminist. It doesn't make me some Jezebel, and it certainly doesn't make me a saint. But believe me when I say, there's power in rocking the mic.
Once when my mom was visiting me and my then-boyfriend, she noticed we were constantly nagging at one another. It literally felt like I was talking to a brick wall. Then she gave me the most profound relationship advice that I've ever been given:
"Suck his dick, every morning and you won't have any problems. He'll be more agreeable."
Appalled that my mom had even mentioned something like that to me had me shooketh, but I gave it a try. And it was like magic. We argued less, he listened more, and I felt empowered as f*ck. Having control in the bedroom is the ultimate liberation, for me at least. When being penetrated, I feel vulnerable, but when I'm rocking the mic, knowing that my partner's orgasms are completely up to me offers me this crazy sense of control that I can't be ashamed of.
There is true power in having a man's pleasure in the palm of your hand and at the tip of your tongue. And Jill shouldn't be judged or shamed for demonstrating that she knows how to make a man weak in the knees.
Call me kinky, call me power-hungry, but you can also call me or slide in Jill's DMs for tips on how to really live your life like it's golden.
Featured image by Erika Goldring/Getty Images
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images