"As a woman, you were designed to be complete by yourself. Not with the help of 4, 5 women!"
I recently had a conversation with a gracious male friend of mine, who pointed out that as women, we have the power to change men with the things we both allow, and don't allow, in a relationship. At the end of the day, most men will do what they are permitted to do, and will hardly see the problem in an issue you yourself claim to not have no qualms with (no-- there is no "taking hints." You must be clear!)
This doesn't mean that if you say "no" to something, your man will change. Sometimes it will repel him away, but it will allow room for man who is for your rules and your worth! That's why it's best to make your standards clear from the beginning, and not halfway through a marriage.
You know it's time to listen up when a man tells us we deserve better. Hello! I remember when author Derrick Jaxn took to his Facebook to respond to the discussion surrounding women giving men "Cheating Passes" and just like my male friend, Derrick's insight was everything!
It all started when reality-TV personality Toya Wright and actress Mo'Nique both caused a stir by revealing that they give their men
whore hall passes to sleep around. The most recent example of this was Toya and her husband's appearance on Untying the Knot, where Memphitz revealed he only cheats during the eight days out of the year that Toya allots him to step outside of their marriage.
After Toya revealed she does this because Memphitz "don't like rules," divorce lawyer and relationship expert Vikki Ziegler asked if Toya is allowed to ever do the same, to which Memphitz replied:
[Are you] Shitting me? She's a woman. She's a girl. What I'm saying is, men, we're built a little different than you.
Ziegler: Are you trying to have your cake and eat it too [in your marriage]?
Absolutely. Ain't that what you're supposed to do?
Well according to this Jaxn, absolutely not!
On his social media he released a video response about this theory:
"So I just read an article about how Mo'Nique gives her husband a "pass to cheat," and I read the same thing about Toya Wright giving her husband Memphitz a pass to cheat. While the situations are a little different, both of them are basically saying they want their man to have an honest way to step outside of their marriage, under their supervision.
As you could imagine, both Monique and Toya Wright are getting dragged in the comment sections but-
I'm looking more so at the husbands!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid. You get the obvious benefits. You get to have your cake and eat it too, but like, no bruh. This is your best friend, your life partner, your wife, the mother of your kids. This ain't one of your bitches! You don't do that with your wife."
Jaxn went on further to use Monique as an example of women having the right to be angry to the things that offend them-- including infidelity.
The whole point of ya'll getting married was for you two to make each other stronger and better. But you depleted her self-esteem so low, she don't even feel like she deserves all of you. Monique says is if there is something she can't give her husband, she can't be mad if he goes out and gets it elsewhere- but yes, you can.
As a woman, you were designed to be complete by yourself. Not with the help of 4, 5 women! That's why [your husband] chose the good with the bad. The complete package. What it got and what it don't.
[Tweet "As a woman, you're designed to be complete by yourself. Not with the help of 4-5 different women!"]
He went on to point out the longterm effects of this theory on a future generation, specifically the daughter's of these men. He ultimately pointed out that their daughter's esteem rested at the palms of their father's example:
To the husband in this situation, how are you teaching your daughter that all she'll ever be is a "fraction" of what's good enough? How can you feel like you made a full physical and spiritual commitment to your wife while you're making physical and spiritual exchanges with other women?
Polygamy isn't a new concept. But neither is slavery. I personally can do without both of those systems. So to each their own. I just can't see how a man looks his better half in the eye, knowing that he made her identify with so much less than that.
Of course his commentary sparked mixed emotions, especially among men who felt that men aren't meant to be monogamous. When a man responded:
I will have to disagree with his stance. I think Monique is just opening up her eyes to reality. Human are not monogamous creatures. If you have to force anything into existence, it's not natural.
Derrick was strong with his comeback:
Humans are also not creatures naturally born with deodorant. But we still put it on. Point being, it's not "forced", it's shaped behavior. We tame our natural lying, killing, stealing instincts to coexist. We also can tame our polygamous instincts to be married.
I'm loving Derrick's take on the issue. At the end of the day, it's all about accountability on both ends. And as a woman, although I admire Derrick's call for men to be more accountable for their actions, I'm calling all women to do the same. As I always say, what you accept is what you get!
What are your thoughts on "cheating passes" and Derrick's take from a males' point of view?
My thoughts on Mo'Nique husband for accepting a "pass to cheat" from her
Posted by Derrick Jaxn on Thursday, November 19, 2015