

Getting into the business of freelancing has become sexier than ever because it comes with the idea that you get to be your own boss. Social media paints the picture that once you become a freelancer, there's no more clocking in and out of the office, being micromanaged by some control-freak, or rushing to get out of the office to make happy hour with your girls. On top of all of this, you get to work literally from wherever you want in the world (oh hey Bali, oh hey Jamaica), and look cute on Insta while doing it.
Being a freelancer, you are the master of your own fate, the ultimate girlboss - OR at least that's what you think.
While being a freelancer does come with many benefits (yes, often you can work from wherever and be in control of your own schedule), the rewards comes with many risks and hard work.
Before you decide to become a freelancer, here are four women who share the top things that they wish someone would've told them about freelancing, and the things you should know before you become one.
Dalila Thomas
Freelance PR Agent, Journalist, and Founder of Starving on a Budget
On being a freelance writer:
Negotiate.
"This is something that many can expect goes without saying, however there are plenty of writers - honestly professionals of all sorts - that still don't negotiate pay. That's a no-no. If you've gotten to a point with a potential employer that you're in a room/on the phone/Skyping/etc. discussing pay, it means they want what you have to offer. If they see the value in you, you should be able to come to an agreement regarding your compensation. If not, it wasn't meant to be."
Plan.
"If you're freelancing full-time, it's very likely you'll be working on multiple pieces/projects at one time. While it may be tempting to take on a much as possible, be mindful - and realistic - about how much you can handle. When you compromise yourself, you compromise that quality of your work. Another important thing is planning out your pay. Knowing when you will get paid is crucial to your livelihood. Some publications allow you to submit an invoice immediately, others may pay you months later after the piece is published."
Know the rules.
"If you're freelancing with multiple publications and writing about similar subjects, make sure you're following rules laid out in any agreement/contract you sign. Many publications won't allow you to write about the same subject/subject matter for other publications until a certain amount of time has passed."
Follow her on Instagram.
Trina J.
Freelance Fitness Trainer
On being a freelance fitness trainer:
Don't be scared to talk about what you do.
"Work your network, ask for referrals from friends and even from your social media network."
Don't just post progress pics.
"Be relevant, provide value fitness content and tips on and off line to gain credibility and expand your reach."
Think outside of Instagram.
"Use LinkedIn. A lot of professionals in my industry ignore this platform. LinkedIn is where the professionals live that see the value in working with a trainer. Be relevant in this space, engage with people and work your connections."
Follow her on Instagram.
Quiana Darden
Freelance Content Marketing Writer
On being in the content business:
Never stop working on you.
"It takes a lot more than being an excellent writer to be a successful freelance writer. Between organizing projects, meeting deadlines, communicating with clients, and reaching out to potential clients to find new business, you have to ensure that your other skills are refined as well.
"You should always be a student. Maybe it's because I used to be a teacher, but I love learning how to improve both my writing and my business as a whole. Whether you invest in reading books, listening to podcasts, taking courses, attending conferences, or hiring a coach, you should always be learning about how to improve your writing skills and your business skills. There are tons of fantastic resources out there for you to take advantage of, no matter your budget."
Always keep the money on your mind.
"Run your business like a business. It's easy to find and accept writing jobs, but are they helping you reach your revenue goals? If you're taking on very low-level assignments that pay you next to nothing, yet you're trying to scale your business, you will struggle. Know your annual, quarterly, and monthly revenue goals. Know your required hourly rate and ensure that the projects you take on are pushing you towards reaching your overall business goals. That's the only way you will grow and sustain your business."
Follow her on Instagram.
Ashley Janelle
Freelance User Experience Design Coach
On getting clients as a freelancer in tech:
Be a boss in every area of your business.
"Do great work, be on time, and stay professional at all times. Many of the clients I get are from referrals, so it's really important to always put your best foot forward. Also, make sure you have a system in place for getting clients. When you have a client, you should always be looking for your next client so never get complacent."
Follow her on Instagram.
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Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
After Decades-Long Career, Terri J. Vaughn Is Finally The Main Character: Exclusive
Terri J. Vaughn first captured our attention in the late ‘90s as Lovita Alizay Jenkins on The Steve Harvey Show. Decades later, she is starring in her very own series, She The People, which is now available to stream on Netflix.
The political sitcom, which she co-created with Niya Palmer and later teamed up with Tyler Perry Studios, is about a Black woman named Antoinette Dunkerson who runs for lieutenant governor of Mississippi. She wins and becomes the state’s first Black lieutenant governor. Now, she’s forced to balance working with a racist and sexist governor while also trying to keep her family from running amok.
According to the beloved actress, this project was a long time coming. “I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff,” she says in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
“But just keep going, because this is what I do. This is what I love, and I know how important it is for us to continue to show up and make sure that we are seen, make sure that our voices are heard. For several reasons. I just never give up. So here I am, 20 years later, finally sold my show.”
She The People is inspired by the true story of London Breed, who became the first Black female mayor of San Francisco, Terri’s hometown. And to help make the show more authentic, the Cherish the Day actress tapped former Atlanta mayor, Keisha Lance Bottoms to come on as a producer.'“I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff."
After bringing the former mayor aboard, it was time to pitch again. And this time, the companies were pitching them. Ultimately, Terri decided to work with Tyler Perry on the series.
“We decided to do it with Tyler for several reasons. I love that. Well, most of the companies we met with were Black-owned companies, but he was the only studio,” she explains. “Tyler is like Walt Disney. That's literally what he is. He has the studio, he has the content. He operates just like Walt Disney.”
And thanks to the cast, the show is nothing short of laughs. The series also stars social media creator Jade Novah as Antoinette’s crazy cousin/ assistant, Shamika, Family Mattersstar Jo Marie Payton as Anotinette’s mom, Cleo, and Terri’s husband, Karon Riley, who plays Michael, her driver and love interest.
While we’ve watched Terri’s career blossom in various ways. From directing to producing, and playing diverse characters, the mom of two says her The Steve Harvey Show character will always be her favorite.
“Well, Lovita was definitely my favorite, especially for my time, the age and everything that I was. Now as a grown ass woman over 50, Antoinette Dunkerson is everything that I've wanted to play. She's everything. She's a mother of two teenagers. She's divorced, so she's co-parenting with her ex-husband. She has to wrangle in a very eclectic family,” she says.
“So I like playing characters that are really flawed and trying to figure it out and doing their best to try to figure it. And she's very flawed and she is trying to figure it out, and she fucks up sometimes. But her heart and what she's trying to do and what her vision is and purpose, it's all for the people. I mean, she the people. She’s for the people, she is the people.”
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Feature image by Jamie Lamor Thompson/ Shutterstock
'Prioridating' Is A Dating Trend That Also Needs To Apply To The Bedroom
You know how they say that the only things that are sure are death and taxes. Yeah, I’d like to add one more thing to that list: a new set of annual dating trends. We’re not even six months into 2025, and I’ve already talked about things like throning and nanoships — and today, another dating trend that is known as “prioridating.”
I’ve got to admit that before I actually researched the term, I thought, “Good Lord. As if we need something else to encourage entitlement, selfishness, and unrealistic expectations.” Oh, but after I dived in, I realized that not only is prioridating something that I can get behind, it’s something that I think works for what happens outside of the house — and inside of the bedroom as well.
If you’re curious about what I mean, take a few moments out of your day to see why prioridating is something that you should consider doing if you’re looking for a genuine romantic connection with someone else (again, both in and out of the bedroom).
What Does It Mean to Prioritize Something or Someone?
I’m pretty sure it’s fairly easy to see that the root of the made-up word “prioridating” is prioritize — and in a moment, I’ll get into why it’s an essential thing to consider when it comes to romantic relationships. First, though, let’s talk about what it truly means to prioritize something or someone in your life.
Personally, whenever I think about the word “prioritize,” the first thing that comes to my mind is a quote that I used to have featured in one of my email accounts: “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to.” An author by the name of Nick Chellsen once said that and it’s fitting here because, at the end of the day, a priority is simply something that is very important to you to the point where it tends to take precedence over something else; it’s something that you will agree to doing because it means just that much.
Unfortunately, a lot of people actually suck at prioritizing because they don’t really put much thought into what is more essential than other things on a day-to-day basis. For instance, if you want to better prioritize your time, each evening, you should think about the things that need to be done the following day. Then, after doing that, be honest with yourself about what needs your immediate attention vs. what can wait until after those tasks are done. Like, if you’ve got a deadline at work, I’m pretty sure that scrolling through Instagram can wait.
Or how about your budget? It really does seem like right after we pay one month’s mortgage or rent, here comes another. Meanwhile, those shoes that you really want? I mean, is it more important to keep a roof over your head or to adorn your feet with a new pair of pumps? Don’t go by how you feel; go by the actual facts.
And to me, that’s why I think that the word “sacrifice” fits in really well with the word “prioritize.” I say that because, one of the best definitions that I’ve ever heard when it comes to making sacrifices is that it’s all about “giving up something good for something greater.” You see, when it comes to prioritizing things, when it comes to determining what you should say “yes” or “no” to, sometimes it will require you to assess what is better than what is just merely good.
And boy, is that not quite the layup (if I do say so myself — LOL) for what prioridating is truly all about.
What Is Prioridating, Exactly?
Why Prioridating Is Something to Literally Prioritize in Your Romantic Relationships
Okay, so keeping in line with the whole quote-thing, when I think about prioritizing as it relates to dating, there is a Maya Angelou quote that fits in oh so very well: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” In other words, don’t allow someone to take precedence when it comes to your schedule, heart, or energy when they aren’t even considering doing the same thing when it comes to you. And how do you know for sure when you aren’t someone’s priority?
Well, an author by the name of Irini Zoica once said, “Being someone’s ‘sometimes’ is not enough” — and when you are only an option (which is basically being one person on a list of several other choices) in another person’s eyes, that’s typically how it plays out; you are their “sometimes”…maybe.
Now, to be fair, when a relationship is just starting out, everyone really does need to relax — and by “relax,” I mean be hella realistic. And what I mean by that is, just because someone may find you attractive or appealing after an initial meeting and a few conversations, that doesn’t automatically mean that you should expect or even require immediate or automatic exclusivity (which, in dating, I prefer over the word “monogamy” — check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”) or that you even should take up most of their day with lots of calls and texts.
Yeah, one day I’m gonna write about how so many women claim to want a “high value man” without really thinking about how many priorities those guys have throughout the day in order to be one (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”). At the same time, though, when you’re wanting to see if someone’s words can be trusted, look at their actions because, if they are telling you that they want to get to know you better, that they are interested in seeing where things will go and that they really want to spend more time with you — they will most definitely, without question, prioritize it. Because it is important to them to do so.
Okay, but is that what prioridating means? Eh, not quite. The backstory of the term is that a relationship coach (who also contributes to the dating app eHarmony) by the name of Laurel House came up with something that reminds people of the benefits that come from dating with a purpose in mind (as opposed to casual dating, which is the literal opposite approach).
Come to think of it, according to her, it even goes beyond that; prioridating is about assessing what your most important need is in a relationship and then choosing to date someone who checks that particular box.
When I checked out Lauren’s PrioriDating site, there is something else that she said (beyond some of the interviews that I also read) about what prioridating is: It’s “about you — your life, your experience of life, based on your perspective, created by your past experiences, that shaped who you are and what you need moving forward...Once you define and align with your priority, you have a better chance at discovering and fulfilling your needs—first (and most importantly) within yourself and then within a partner. Win-win-win.”
Now let’s piece all of this together. If you’re someone who is truly interested in prioridating, you first need to reflect and ponder over who you are, currently, as an individual. Then you need to figure out what YOU need (I’d personally say what your top three needs are) when it comes to dating and then commit to yourself that you aren’t going to waver from those needs — that you are going to prioritize those above all else because they are what’s most important to you…they are what takes precedence above everything else when it comes to making you feel relationally satisfied, safe and heard.
What all of this (hopefully) does when it comes to dating is help you to be more intentional about who you choose to spend time with. Not only that but, since you are clear about what your essential needs are, the moment that you articulate them, give the person time to process them and then see those going unmet, you can have a better understanding about how to move forward — if you are to move forward with that particular individual at all.
And if you are to move without them, you can feel good about your decision because, by prioritizing your own needs, you prioritize yourself and, in doing that, you tend to be more focused than ever on finding someone who will do the same thing for you…as you do for them. And where reciprocity is, fulfillment follows.
How Prioridating Can Seriously Improve Your Sex Life As Well
As I thought about prioridating and what it requires in romantic connections, it caused me to think about how that mindset can — and should — transfer into the bedroom. And that brings me to one more quote on priorities; one that, interestingly enough, comes from a religious leader by the name of Dallin H. Oaks once said, “Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.”
Desire. We all have sexual desires. Thing is, when it comes to what desire means, it’s not black and white. A desire can be something that you want. A desire can be something that you crave. A desire can be something that you request. Some synonyms for desire include lust, passion, and, yes, need. For the sake of the (main) point that I want to make here, let’s go with “request” and “need.”
Okay, so Mr. Oaks said that desires dictate our priorities, and we already discussed that a priority is something that is important, essential…something that we need. If you connect this to the rest of the quote, what we need determines our choices, and our choices then determine our actions.
Since “need” also means desire, when it comes to sex, what do you need? Here, please don’t confuse this with what you want because, although that too is relevant, the reality is that wants can change at the drop of a dime; however, core needs? They oftentimes are rooted in who we are as individuals — and to be honest, I have worked with enough couples for a long enough amount of time to come to the conclusion that, the reason why a lot of people’s sex lives go left is because folks are too caught up in wants instead of needs.
Here's what I mean by that — say that you need to be held after sex because it makes you feel comforted and adored, while you want spontaneity. No one is saying that you should have to give up one for the other YET if you really need to be held close and that doesn’t happen, can you see how, after a while, all of the random sex in the world will still cause you to feel resentful because your true needs aren’t being met? I’ll give you another example: something that husbands say to me often is that they need their wives to initiate more; it actually makes them feel wanted and like they aren’t having to beg for intimacy. Some may want longer fellatio or a dirtier talker; however, if they can get that need met, the wants semi pale in comparison.
It makes sense too, because needs are a lot like the meal, while wants are the dessert. Dessert is delicious, yet when we’re already filled up from dinner, sometimes we can take or leave dessert. On the other hand, when all we had was dessert, it usually feels like something is…missing. And it is because you didn’t get what you actually needed.
Thing is, when it comes to sex, people rarely think about what they actually need — and that’s why I thought that the whole prioridating thing was a great tie-in because, just like you should think about what you need and hold yourself to that standard while you are dating, you should also strongly consider what your true sexual needs are (also a top three thing), MAKE YOUR REQUESTS KNOWN, and not waver on those either.
Because when a partner truly cares about you and your pleasure, your needs are going to matter. Yes, your wants will too, yet those needs? Those will be prioritized every time coitus transpires — and when someone feels like their sexual needs are super important to someone else? How can that not lead to true sexual satisfaction and fulfillment (especially when reciprocity is taking place)…because as the quote goes: priorities/needs determine choices and choices determine actions.
Have a need, choose to prioritize the need, and then…act upon it. Prioridate as you mate.
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Dating trends. Lord knows there are tons of them — some good, some ho-hum. Prioridating is something that I can get behind, though. Because anything that encourages you to act with purpose and intention and to make needs essential — good comes from that. Outside of the bedroom and in.
Prioridate, mutually, as you mate. It truly can’t be said enough, y’all.
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