It’s not often we see a grown man remove the "tough guy" stigma and shed a few tears.
Those moments are usually reserved for Super Bowl wins, award shows and maybe reality TV episodes, but we love when we get to see the softer side of a man that’s only revealed when a child comes into the world. But like anyone experiencing the not-so-pleasant joys of labor, any minute leading up to a baby’s arrival is one full of anxiety, excitement, and sometimes, a surprise or two.
As a mother, I can easily say that children do indeed change you for the better. I’ve loved the quote “A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, a home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for” since joining the Mommy Club back in ‘09 because it’s pretty accurate, but I wanted to get the flip side and ask a few men what their thoughts were on fatherhood.
I was particularly interested in hearing how witnessing the arrival of their sons or daughters changed their perspective on life, so I picked the brain of five awesome fathers I know to get some answers. Check them out below.
Irving on the birth of his daughter, Sofia Catalina:
Where do I start? It’s takes a real man to be able to deliver a baby, especially when it’s your own. So many things can go wrong, but all you can do is stay positive. There is nothing more beautiful than to be front row and witness life being born. Me and Carol used a midwife, so our birth was natural–no pitocin or epidural were used. It was a one-on-one experience and I had to be there in the moment and make sure I was her back bone. The times she felt that she couldn't do it, I never once gave up on her. I helped in making her realize that we as a team could do this.
Birth is not a one-sided journey–you should always have a partner (husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, family member), someone that will help you progress. The whole journey changed my relationship with Carol for the better and it also made us stronger as a couple. It made us love our daughter so much more. I think it changed a lot in me. I don’t just have to worry about me; I have to worry about my daughter. Any decision I make that can negatively affect her. I don’t go out as much and when I spend time with friends, I try and spend more time with friends who have kids because they understand what you’re going through. I’m so excited to be able to mold my daughter into something great and see what kind of person she will become.
Rob on being a father of the Fantasic Four:
During labor, a lot of things were running through my mind. I kept telling myself not to cry, but instead be happy that my first born is coming into the world. The minute I saw my first born arrive, I knew that my life was changing. I immediately cried and realized that I am a father. I considered myself a father raising my stepson at eight months, but to see your son born is a totally different feeling. It is a feeling until this day that is indescribable.
Fatherhood is a great feeling, especially to four beautiful kids. I feel blessed to have come from a big family. I came from one myself, but I didn’t imagine I would have a big family of my own. My fiancé and I get the crazy looks when we tell people we have four children, but again, it’s the biggest blessing.
Big Tim on being a father to his junior, Little Tim:
In a word, “renewed” like I was being born. It switched my whole mindstate. It’s like I instantly went from being a man, to now me being a father, protector, overseer, and future planner. When my son took his first breath, everything changed. I can’t say it was overwhelming, because I was ready for it, because I had months to prepare to be a father.
When I held him, I felt an overabundance of joy, happiness, pride, and for the most part, relieved because he made it. No parent wants to feel that ever. (Note: xoJoy and Big Tim’s son was born footling breech and she went into cardiac arrest during a caesareansection.)
It was one of those times where my faith purely carried me through to the next hour.
JJ on life with his son, Ethan:
I was there the entire birth and I originally wanted to get my son everything the moment he was born. Within days, I got his footprints tattooed on my chest around my heart as a pledge to be the best dad I could be. I think the first year of his life going through court and having to fight made me realize that he was indeed special and I would fight for him every minute I can. I then became more spiritual and began pushing for a family atmosphere. Fatherhood has its challenges and changes as the child grows, especially when you and the mother are not together, however, each moment I spend with my son, our bond continuously develops and I am thankful for that.
The first relationship a child has is with his mother. Therefore to me, fatherhood is a supportive and firm role where you lead and also give support to the mother in the overall development of the child. I hope to give my son a life that wasn't given to me. Be there and be active regardless of the relationship between his mother and I. My biggest wish is to help him create his own legacy and support him along the way as he chases his dreams.
Robert, on our sons, Kae and Kam: 
I was anxious to become a father. I come from a large family, so I was ready to add to that with my own children. I wasn’t afraid to see my sons come into the world, but I was actually scared for you because I didn’t know what could happen.
There’s a love you have for your child the minute you hear “I'm pregnant,” but that love hits a high when you see the birth of that baby and even then, it’s a feeling that has no limits. It changed my outlook on the world and it was seeing them come into the world, that brought me joy and peace. They were a light and I have clarity on life because of them. I make better decisions and I'm a better man because of my boys.
If these stories don't have you in your feels, my favorite celebrity story would have to be from Iman Shumpert, who by the way has been over the moon and back since his junior, Iman Tayla Shumpert Jr has come into the world.
Junie’s (TT and Iman’s nickname for their little one) unexpected birth, coming one month earlier than anticipated, and Shumpert’s frantic and very emotional 911 phone call is proof of how frightening, but beautiful, the experience can be, especially if you aren’t even in the hospital!
Calling that moment in their home “an assist [he’s] never going to forget,” Shumpert told the story of how Teyana was going into labor in their bathroom; calling his daughter the best Christmas present he’s ever received.
Iman: “She’s telling me, ‘I’m not going to make it to the hospital,’ but I’m like, ‘You got to make it to the hospital because I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what to do.’ It was just time for her to come, so we counted to 10 and she did her [mimics breathing exercises]. She pushed and the head came out.”Teyana: “He’s way too calm.”
Iman: “I wasn’t that calm. It was like finishing a long marathon. [Cries] And Junie was right there.”
Teyana: “She was ready to show us what love really, really, really looks like.”
And after playing his part as Superhero Dad and Supportive Fiancé, it’s easy to see why. Shumpert is the real MVP!
Do you know a man who did a 180 on his life once becoming a dad? Shout ‘em out, show them some love, and tell us why in the comment section below!
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A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
