

At fifteen years old, I made a decision about two important life events that was possible to occur in everyone's lifetime that I just didn't want to experience:
- I was never going to get married
- I was never going to have children
I don't like children. They're fun and cute but they are also many other negative things to me that I don't find appealing. In general, I didn't and don't care to have a tribe of children running around me because parenting didn't and doesn't sound exciting, enticing, or interesting. It's not an experience I wished to go through in my life especially with what my siblings and I went through growing up. I didn't want to put children through those kinds of situations.
Due to a lack of many things in my youth, one major fail from my creators was them overlooking the significance of teaching me about sex and protection. There was never a talk about it at all but I wasn't stupid, just a tad naive. The fact that I'd ran away from home, dropped out of school (eventually graduated), moved away with family a few times, then settled in a small town in Illinois 600 miles from my mom and sister with my alcoholic uncle and his deaf wife and children didn't help my fate either. It was there that I met a man 9 years older than me who took advantage of my mental innocence of sex, leading my young and dumb self to believe his lies, and that immature, uneducated mindset minus protection got us pregnant.
Aside from being a 19 year old pregnant, lost, and confused young woman, there was the fact that I was months away from deploying to the Airforce. It was my choice to serve and nothing was to stand in my way except pregnancy – something I hadn't figured would even happen to little ol' me in a lil ol' town. An option – or an “out" to having the child was abortion but that was never a "yes" for me even before getting pregnant, it wasn't a choice I thought I'd ever be okay accepting if I'd done it so the only option was to have my son.
I thought about giving him up for adoption so many times before he actually arrived, even spoke to an older sort of mentor about it but in the end I decided that I couldn't live with knowing that my kid was being raised by someone else, so I did what any responsible person should do when they f*** up and become a parent – a single parent at that – I prepared for motherhood. My son's father was a complete bum (a type I couldn't pick out the, but bet your tush I can now) and after he asked me for an abortion, I knew I'd be a single mother.
I Decided
I struggled as a young parent trying to find my way as I went through postpartum depression, suicide attempts, raising him alone, etc. but throughout all of that, one thing never changed in my head, and that was the dislike of being a parent or wanting more children so I made an appointment with my doctor and we talked about my options to sterilize, i.e. getting my tubes tied.
So many women told me things like: "You can't get your tubes tied, you have to be this or that age with this many kids before they let you do that," or “No doctor will let you do it." My all-time hated rebuttal to my decision was: "Don't do It, you'll want kids later in life and regret it."
From nurses to nurses-to-be to people who uncles were doctors to everyone who knew they were “right" about tubal ligation – I was told of how impossible it would be. Thankfully, I'm not one to listen to other people – especially non-PHD-having-people – when it comes to my body. I spoke to my doctor about my rights and as expected, all the "you can't" bs were hearsay lies. My doctor told me that in our state, and in most states in the US, a mother at the age of 21, unmarried with one kid can have a tubal ligation. If you were married, you'd have to get your husbands permission. Because I like to be right all the time, this information pleased me so much to be able to go back and tell all of the know-it-all's that they were wrong. There I was, at 21 years old with a 1 year old son discussing what was to happen next since we'd decided on the tubal ligation.
We spent another 20 minutes going over the procedure, what to expect, and I signed the form to have the tubal ligation procedure. The hospital has a protocol that makes each patient wait a full month before scheduling the appointment in case they change their minds during the wait time which is a great policy to have in place for those who were not sure, however, I was sure. In those 30 days, I thought long and hard about everything my doctor went over with me. I researched the procedure, I read other women stories on it, and I put myself in the mental position to see the full outcome of the procedure.
No matter what I read or saw or who I talked to about it to, my decision never changed: I would be sterilizing myself and removing the option to ever have children again.
The procedure went smoothly and the healing process was short and sweet. My best friend had come with me to drive me home. Ironically, while I was having my procedure, she sat in the waiting room, pregnant with her own child. I felt so good about my choice and felt happier about my future knowing it would be just my son and I. I would have never guessed that the most aggravating and annoying part about having had a tubal ligation would be the women and their responses when it is brought up in conversations. It's not information I freely divulge, but if in the conversation it comes up, the responses from women makes me want to scream.
Women were made to reproduce, but it's a choice and not a mandatory requirement for the gender.
What these women failed to realize is that I wasn't and am not them. Not every woman wants to be a mother. Yes, we have reproductive organs for a reason, women were made to reproduce, but to me, it's a choice and not a mandatory requirement for the gender. I didn't and still don't want to be a mother to any more children. People will say whatever they want about what you should and shouldn't do with your body and those people irk the very essence of my soul. Ladies and gents, it's your body – if you want to poke holes in it, change it, ink it up, or whatever, it's your body and no one should be able to say anything about your choices and if they do, teach 'em a lesson and speak your mind.
Overall, I felt good knowing I could never get pregnant again. It was like whew , sigh of relief. My fear of raising more children was over. For some, especially those who cannot bear children but want to, it's a hard pill to swallow hearing me talk so bluntly about my happiness in NOT having children. I wish I could apologize for that, but I won't. I hope those who want children get to have children because that's part of their purpose in life. Some may think I made such an important decision too early and will regret it but I assure you they'd be wrong.
To those thinking about these steps in life, think long and hard. I knew what I wanted my future to be when I was 15 years old, I took the reins and controlled what I wanted to be in my life. Everyone can say that, so think carefully. I don't regret my decisions at all. I still don't want any more children, don't want a man with children (but that's not guaranteed), and I still, more now than back then, do not EVER want to get married. It's a selfish way to live - to some - but we are all different individuals with different goals for our lives and being different is okay as long you know yourself and make sure that all the decisions you make for you, your body, your mind, and spirit are to make you happy.
What are your thoughts on sterilization procedures or getting your tubes tied? Have you ever had to have a big procedure that was a life altering decision? Share with us below.
Have a story you'd love to share? We are now accepting submissions at editor@xonecole.com.
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Mo Merrell is a 34 year old aspiring writer residing in Minnesota. When she's not working at a non-profit helping homeless youth, she's spending her free time penning novels and relaxing with her son.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Here's What Astrology Can Reveal About Your Relationship With Your Mother
Astrology is gaining new popularity with many beginning to acknowledge what our ancestors have realized for civilizations - that astrology can reveal an awful lot about our lives, our personalities, and our psyches. Sure, we're all pretty familiar with the personality types of certain signs, but did you know that astrology can also reveal insights about your relationships with certain people? Specifically, your moon sign can shed a ton of light on your relationship with your mother, for better and for worse!
Are you and your mother thick as thieves, or is your relationship with her strained? Can you tell her your deepest and darkest secrets, or do you find it difficult to be yourself around your mother? Are you the apple of your mother's eye, or do you feel like you were never able to really please her?
Knowing your moon sign can reveal a lot about the way you view the person who brought you into this world.
If you do not know your full birth chart, find your moon sign here and then check out the information below to get a glimpse inside of your and your mom's emotional dynamic.
What Your Moon Sign Can Reveal About Your Relationship with Your Mother
I. Moon In Aries:
If your moon is in Aries, your mom is the leader of her household. Growing up, you viewed her as brave, bold and fun-loving. She was fiery and knew exactly how to put others in their place, if needed. You respect her, but may have found her to be overbearing at times.
II. Moon In Taurus:
If your moon is in Taurus, your mom knew how to tend to all your creature comforts. She expressed love through food and the material nourishment she provided to you. She was a very hands-on, affectionate mother but also extremely headstrong and stubborn. Not the best at negotiating, your mom wants things to go her way or the highway!
III. Moon In Gemini:
If your moon is in Gemini, your mom is extremely expressive and intelligent. You felt most connected to her through words and your stimulating conversations with her. Her behavior, at times, seemed unreliable to you, but you admired her on an intellectual level. Always moving, you probably felt like she was difficult to pin down as a child.
IV. Moon In Cancer:
If your moon is in Cancer, you are the apple of your mother's eye. You love and care for her deeply. In fact, sometimes you served as a mother to her - comforting her and constantly expressing your understanding of her emotionally. You are extremely close - sometimes too close. Your mom tends to err on the clingy, over-mothering side.
Growing up, you sometimes felt like you needed more emotional and physical space from her. You share a psychic connection with your mother - it's easy for you to take on her emotions and moods as your own, for better and for worse.
V. Moon In Leo:
If your moon is in Leo, your mother has always been a large presence in your life. Growing up, you felt a pressure to present yourself a certain way in order to preserve your mother's reputation. You felt that the way you looked and behaved was a direct representation of your mom, so you had to stay sharp! Your mom was potentially someone of public note, someone that many people in your neighborhood or community knew very well.
VI. Moon In Virgo:
If your moon is in Virgo, you love your mother dearly and would move mountains for her. You are extremely protective and defensive of her. Your mother is your world. Though you've always needed her deeply, you sometimes felt like she was unable to be there for you in the ways that you yearned for. You've been aware of her shortcomings since birth; otherwise, you would have found her to be very nitpicking and critical of you.
VII. Moon In Libra:
Growing up, your mother was known for her attractiveness, fashion-sense, her ability to throw a fun party and the beautiful way in which she kept her home. If your moon is in Libra, it is likely that your mother was popular for her congenial and pleasant personality. Erring toward the formal and structured in your relationship, you've learned to establish specific roles in each other's lives, making sure not to over-step them in order to maintain peace and a sense of fairness between you both.
VIII. Moon In Scorpio:
Your mother has affected you in deep and profound ways; deeper than she or you may even realize. If your moon is in Scorpio, your relationship has gone through major transformations through the years. You've felt that she was, at times, out of tune with your emotions.
You wished and expected that she would be able to intuitively understand you. When she didn't, you may have felt somewhat abandoned by her.
IX. Moon In Sagittarius:
If your moon is in Sagittarius, you've always required freedom in life. If your mother respected this, you both enjoyed a fun-loving and adventurous relationship together. If she did not fully respect your desire for freedom, you may have felt unfairly held back or restricted growing up. Wise beyond your years, you may have perceived her to be immature and naive, learning to rely on your own judgement rather than hers.
X. Moon In Capricorn:
If your moon is in Capricorn, your mother has always been more concerned with the serious matters of life. She viewed you as mature and knew she could rely on you for support and sound judgment. Self-sacrificing, she always put work before play and constantly had tons on her plate. You sometimes wondered why she worked so hard and why she didn't take an easier approach to life. She held extremely high standards for you growing up. Favorably, she pushed you to be ambitious in pursuing your goals.
XI. Moon In Aquarius:
If your moon is in Aquarius, you've always viewed her as more of a peer than a parent. Being chastised by her felt unnatural and foreign to you - almost silly! Parenting was unconventional - you did not have the typical parent-child dynamic. You were raised to be emotionally self-sufficient and didn't rely on her for an overly emotional or affectionate relationship.
XII. Moon In Pisces:
If your moon is in Pisces, you share an extremely intuitive bond with your mother. You often took on her burdens and emotions as your own. You were extremely sympathetic to the things she went through in life and were mindful not to add anything else to her plate. You felt like her caretaker in certain ways. You loved her extremely deeply and would fight for her. You are keenly aware of all of the sacrifices she's made in life for you. You wish you were able to rely on her more as a child, and may have felt like you had to grow up much quicker than you would have liked.
What's your moon sign, and how would you describe your relationship with your mother?
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Originally published on May 7, 2021