6 Tips For Wives And Girlfriends Who Aren’t Fans Of Football
It's that time of year again when the "Baby what are we doing tonight?" questions are replaced with "Baby the boys are coming over, do you mind cooking a little somethin'?"
Yes, the infamous football season has swept in with the bitter-cold weather.
While you may have thought that cuddling was going to be made a priority this year (because you complained so much last year about how you and him weren't getting enough "we" time), you may be finding that once again the game has taken over your household.
I don't know about you, but my husband is beyond excited for this new football season–both college and professional. “Merry Football" was his greeting to his buddies and friends all throughout the day the weekend when college football officially started. I have quite a few female friends who enjoy football just as much as the guys, but if you're like me, it's not one of your favorite sports.
While I'm excited that my husband is so elated, I don't have the same zeal. I will admit, however, that I enjoy going to the games and watching them live. But other than that, I could do without it.
So, what is a girl to do now that football is back? Just do what I do: embrace it and enjoy some "me" time! Here are a few ideas to help get you through the season (acknowledging that it may not be as easy for those of you who have children, but it's still worth a shot).
Catch up on your favorite shows and movies
They say two is better than one, and the same is true with a television. We have a television in the bedroom and the living room and when the games come on, that's usually my cue to go and watch whatever I want in the other room – whether via Netflix, cable or even online. While he's catching up on football, stats and ESPN, I'm catching up on my shows, even though I have to admit that sometimes he sneaks away from football and comes in the room with me, too. What can I say? We love one another.
Shop 'Til You Drop
Am I the only who enjoys shopping at Target? Sometimes I'll go even if it's just to look around at stuff. I find it very relaxing, but it doesn't have to stop at Target. Whether it's Target, the mall, TJ Maxx or other local department stores, consider an extra three to four hours of spare time on your hands to do a little retail therapy. If it's not shopping, catch up on other errands or your "To-Do List." Your man will be so into the game that he won't even notice you're gone.
Get Back to Doing the Things You Enjoy
While your man is captivated by football and all the excitement of watching his favorite teams go head to head on the field, you can use that time to become enthralled with your favorite book or a hobby that you've been meaning to catch up on. Because you can expect limited interruption, it can be a great time to catch up on anything that you've pushed to the side because you just "didn't have enough time." Pick back up that old business project that you were working on or a best-selling book that you've been meaning to write. Whatever you put on the back burner when your time was limited, now's the time to bring it to the forefront. And this time, no excuses!
Avoid heavy or deep conversations
“Can we talk?" These three words (or any variation of the phrase) should be avoided as much as possible during game time. I know some of us as women love to talk and have deep conversations but choose your time wisely. Just like I don't like to be interrupted with heavy “talks" during my favorite shows, most men (and women) are the same way when it comes to their football – or any sports for that matter. Trust me, your husband or boyfriend will appreciate your thoughtfulness even that much more.
Sleep On It
Sometimes, I actually will sit and watch the game with my husband just to spend quality time together. However, one of the reasons why football isn't as exciting to me is partially because of how long the games are...especially Monday-night football. So for me, it's the perfect time to nap and catch up on some sleep. Usually when I wake up the same game is still on anyway.
Throw a football party (or go to one)
One thing I've learned about love and relationships is that it's all about compromise. While a football watch party can be a labor love, it's also a great compromise for everyone because it includes football, fellowship and fun! Does that mean every game should be a football party? Of course not, and you don't always have to be the host. No matter where the party, your man will appreciate the effort and everyone will enjoy a fun and festive time!
The most important thing, whether you've decided to enjoy some "me" time or made it your wifely (or girlfriend) duty and compromised for some "we" time, is to do whatever makes you happy! Trust me, your man will appreciate it more if you're not sitting their moping around or complaining about the lack of attention you're getting during his favorite TV time of year. Stick to my tips, and you'll get through football season just fine!
What are some things that you do to make it through football season?
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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From Beauty Editor To Bestselling Novelist: Inside The World Of Author Tia Williams
If Tia Williams’ A Love Song for Ricki Wilde is an ode to Black artists, it’s at least partially informed by her experience as a creator herself. The novelist has never been a florist or a musician, like the couple in her latest book, but she’s most certainly an artist in her own right.
Williams has repeatedly imagined – and subsequently depicted – Black women as protagonists who are just as ordinary as they are extraordinary. Her readers might bury themselves in her tales of romance as a means of escaping their own lives, but they likely also see glimpses of themselves within the pages of each of her books.
A Love Song for Ricki Wilde, released earlier this year via Grand Central Publishing, follows a florist who has recently moved into an “enchanted” brownstone in Harlem from Atlanta. When she falls in love with a musician, the pair realizes their lives are intertwined in a mysterious way that dates back to the Harlem Renaissance.
Williams says she wanted to use the book to explore the idea of “Black Excellence” and what it means for artists today. “We had to call it out [our achievements] because our excellence for so long had been ignored and still is being erased. But, I do think Black excellence can become a prison because the idea of what is excellent can become very narrow,” she says. “This book is about Black artists and having the freedom to pursue Black art. I just wanted to investigate what Black excellence really means. Should we be redefining it? Is it a different definition based on who you are?”
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Although she spent a few years in Germany, Tia Williams spent most of her childhood in Virginia and Maryland, surrounded by Black people who had various lived experiences. A career as a writer, she says, always felt within her grasp. “I always knew I could do it,” she tells me when we speak in early February, just days after the release of her latest book. While she released her first novel, The Accidental Diva, in 2004, she’s certainly been writing for more than 20 years. According to her, she wrote her first book when she was just seven years old. “It was called Peter and the Crystal Bunny, and there was an “About the Author” section. It [said] ‘Tia Williams, 7, is probably the youngest writer you’ve ever read.’”
In elementary school, Williams found herself reading magazines such as Harper’s Bazaar, Elle, Cosmopolitan, and Mademoiselle, determined to become a beauty editor and a novelist when she became an adult. She’s achieved both. In addition to her creative writing, she’s worked as a beauty editor for magazines such as Elle, Glamour, Lucky, and Essence. Most recently, she was the editorial director for Estèe Lauder.
Two of Williams’ novels have achieved noteworthy success in the past decade. The 2016 novel The Perfect Find was adapted into a film, which won the audience award for narrative feature at The Tribeca Film Festival before it was released on Netflix last year. Gabrielle Union stars in the film as Jenna Jones, a 40-year-old creative director who falls in love with her company’s 25-year-old videographer, Eric, following a bad breakup. Eric (portrayed by Keith Powers) also happens to be the son of Jenna’s boss/professional rival.
(L-R) Keith Powers and Gabrielle Union starring in the Netflix film, 'The Perfect Find.'
Courtesy of NetflixWilliams says she’d placed Gabrielle Union on a vision board when she was writing the book. “And I don’t even do vision boards,” she says. “My friend made me do one. I was having such a hard time writing.”
Recently, it was announced that Williams’ 2021 Seven Days in June – a New York Times bestseller and former pick for Reese Witherspoon’s Book Club – would be adapted into a television series for Prime Video. Will Packer Media will produce the series, with Williams serving as an executive producer.
Still, the writer’s career hasn’t come without challenges. As an avid reader, Williams remembers being frustrated by how whitewashed literature was because of how much it juxtaposed with the world she grew up in. “I knew we were in all spaces,” she says. The few stories she did see about Black people tended to invoke common narratives about slavery or the civil rights era, which felt extremely limiting. Where were the stories about Black people who were living lives that were not centered around trauma and oppression, she wondered.
In the '90s, she fell in love with authors such as Terry McMillan, Omar Tyree, and Eric Jerome Dickey, only to be disappointed when publishing moved away from uplifting Black authors again in the early 2000s.
She learned for herself how difficult the publishing industry could be when she tried to find a publisher for The Perfect Find. “I went with a very, very small indie press. It was really more like self-publishing,” she says, adding that the book had been rejected by every major publisher. But, publishing this way proved to be extremely challenging, especially for someone with a disability. (Williams, like the protagonist in Seven Days in June, suffers from chronic migraines.)
Williams is hesitant to even reflect on this time in her life because of how traumatic it was. “It’s still really triggering to even talk about. It was a terrible, terrible time,” she says before letting a deep, long sigh. “It stays with me. It was horrible.”
“And I wanted to give up, but then there's this other part of me that…when you're a writer, you know when your work sucks and you know when it's good. I knew that this was good, and I just refused to, I couldn't let it go,” she continues. “I just poured everything into it. And I felt like just letting it go would be like a death. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true.”
Working in a creative industry can feel like always “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” but Williams has persisted and continued to follow her lifelong dreams.
Reflecting again on her latest book, the Brooklyn resident says A Love Song for Ricki Wilde was also inspired by her fascination with Harlem in the 1920s. “It was really fun to do research [and] to go up to Harlem and walk around and sort of get the vibe of the contemporary feel of the streets,” Williams says. “But, then, you'll be walking down some street and see an obscure little plaque that will say something like ‘Billie Holiday was discovered here, singing at 14 in 1928,’ or something. It feels like the past and the present are coexisting there in a really magical way. That helped inspire the story.”
In the days following our conversation, Williams will begin a book tour to promote the novel and connect with the readers who have supported her throughout the years. “A Love Song for Ricki Wilde," she says, is a “magical, modern fairytale.”
But it’s her latest offering to Black women who are so often ignored by the media and literary worlds. “I really write for Black women primarily. Anyone else who comes to the table, I’m thrilled,” she says. “But, first and foremost, I write my books, and especially this one, as a gift to us.”
Editor's note: Will Packer Media, the company that will adapt Tia Williams’ Seven Days in June into a Prime Video series, owns xoNecole.
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