I don’t care what article on hair care you read — if it’s worth anything at all when it comes to the topic of how to prevent breakage and other forms of hair damage, it’s going to mention that your tresses need hydration. There is no way that it can endure the manipulation of styling and the heat that comes from certain styling tools any other way.
So, why is it that, when it comes to our hair — Black hair — maintaining moisture is such a constant struggle (especially the tighter our curls are)? The science behind it is that the curlier our hair is, the harder it becomes for the sebum from our scalp to cover our strands from root to tip (which is a great reminder to keep your scalp moisturized, by the way). However, as someone with high porosity hair who has found maintaining hydration to probably be my greatest hair challenge (as far as length retention goes), I think that failing to do certain things to our hair regularly plays as much of a vital role.
Today, let’s look into 10 things that you can do — things that I’ve personally done and continue to do — that can keep your hair full of moisture which will ultimately keep it strong and hella healthy.
1. Master Your Hair’s Porosity
I’m telling you from firsthand experience that, until/unless you learn what your hair’s porosity is (which is its ability to maintain water), you will never truly master how to keep it moisturized. My hair? It’s high porosity because my cuticles are open; this means that, although my locks take in hydration easily, I lose it almost just as fast.
"Low porosity" means that cuticles are so tightly bound that it’s hard to get hydration in; however, once moisture penetrates, it remains longer than it does in high-porosity hair. "Normal porosity" speaks to there being a pretty good balance.
Keeping all of this in mind, if you keep trying to get moisture into your hair without knowing its porosity, I can promise you that you are going to unnecessarily stress yourself (and probably your hair) out. So, if you’re not sure what yours is (for the record, porosity can also change due to things like chemical treatments and even age), this video here offers up DIY tests that are pretty effective and can help you understand your hair needs better.
2. Upgrade Your Deep Conditioning Practices
I’ve shared in other articles that it took years for me to start really deep conditioning my hair. I don’t mean just slapping on some conditioner, letting it sit for 5-10 minutes, and then going on about my day. I mean finding the kind of deep conditioner that would complement my hair type (including its porosity) and then allowing it to penetrate my hair shaft for no less than 30-45 minutes. Over the past couple of years, though, I’ve upped the ante even more.
Now I create my own cocktail of conditioners (hair bonding products and a hair oil like avocado or rosemary oil included), apply a generous amount of the blend to my damp hair, and then sit with a hair steaming bonnet on my head for at least an hour. I’m telling you, if you’ve never steamed your hair before, it is a real game-changer!
Not only does it help your hair conditioner to deeply penetrate your strands, it also helps to unclog the hair follicles on your scalp, increase hair elasticity, works to enhance your natural curl pattern, and prepares your hair to take in whatever products you plan to add to your hair after rinsing your deep conditioner out (like a leave-in conditioner; more on that later). So, whether you get a fancy steamer, a steam bonnet or you decide to stand in a hot shower for a while, always make steaming a part of your conditioning process — if you want more moisture, that is.
3. Use Water-Based Products
Reading labels on the back of hair products is so important if you want your locks to thrive. That said, when it comes to retaining hair moisture, it’s essential that you go for products that are water-based; this starts with ones that have water listed as the first ingredient on the label. When hair products have a lot of water in them, that helps to reduce dryness which can lead to breakage. For starters, you can find a list of some of the best water-based leave-in conditioners here.
4. Avoid Alcohol-Based Ones (Well, Some of Them)
Here’s the thing about hair products that have alcohol in them: some are bad, and others are actually pretty beneficial. As far as Cetearyl alcohol, lauryl alcohol, and benzyl alcohols (which are more of a hair product preservative than anything), these are helpful because they can actually help to soften and hydrate your hair. What I’m talking about here is ethanol, SD alcohol 40, propanol, isopropyl, and propyl types of alcohol; these are problematic because not only do they have the (strong) potential to dry out your hair on their own, but they also tend to strip your strands of the natural sebum that your scalp produces.
The bottom line here is to read the labels to see which type of alcohol is in the product that you’re considering. Also, even when it comes to the “good” ones, pay attention to how your hair feels 2-3 days after applying them. If it’s brittle or sticky, stop using it; it’s not helping.
5. Drink More Water
No matter how much water you put on your hair, you’re still going to need to be well-hydrated within. In fact, did you know that between 25-30 percent of your hair’s weight is made up of water? This means that, although it’s still being researched if dehydration is connected to hair loss, what you can know for sure is water helps to increase blood circulation to your scalp, helps your hair follicles to absorb nutrients, keeps your scalp hydrated, and water also helps to prevent brittleness which reduces breakage.
So yes, make sure that you get plenty of water into your system daily. Oh, and if you happen to be a tea lover, check out “10 Teas That Are Great For The Fall Season — As Far As Hair Growth Is Concerned” for ones that can hydrate your strands while benefitting them in other ways too.
6. Eat Fatty Acids and Antioxidants More Often
Speaking of “moisturized insides,” I can also vouch for the fact that adding certain foods to your diet can help keep your hair hydrated. For instance, did you know that fatty acids make up a whopping 85 percent of your hair’s lipid content? This is relevant because lipids help to maintain your hair’s strength and manageability not to mention its thickness, growth, and moisture. All of this is essential because you need things that are going to help you handle the manipulation that comes with styling your hair.
Antioxidants are good as well because they will help to keep your scalp healthy, reduce hair shedding, fight off free radicals, help to prevent UV damage (including how the sun can dry out your hair), slow down premature graying, increase circulation to your scalp and yes, maintain moisture. Foods that are full of fatty acids include salmon, kidney beans, cashews, peanuts, sunflower seeds, chia seeds, and egg yolks. Foods that are loaded with antioxidants include berries, artichokes, red cabbage, spinach, okra, collards and plums.
7. Try an ANTI-Humectant
You’re probably familiar with what a humectant is; it’s something that pulls moisture from the hair. As far as ones that are good for your hair, honey is a humectant that immediately comes to mind. Okay, so what is an anti-humectant? It's a product that will prevent moisture from leaving your hair once the moisture is already present. Therefore, if you’re someone who loses hair hydration a lot, an anti-humectant can be a real lifesaver for you (especially on the days when it’s hella humid and you want to reduce the appearance of frizz).
For the record, since anti-humectants include things like silicones and beeswax, if you’ve ever used either one of those, you probably already know that it’s best to take the “less is more” approach. Still, if you need some assistance keeping moisture around, an anti-humectant can make that happen for you. Check out a list of these types of hair products here and here.
8. Try Some Monoi Oil
If you’re not familiar with monoi oil, it’s an oil that comes from soaking the petals of Tahitian gardenias into coconut oil. I’m such a fan of it that I actually shouted the oil out in another hair care article a few years back (“What Your Natural Hair Needs This Spring Season”). Although it does things like help to strengthen your hair and reduce frizz, one of my favorite perks is monoi oil also helps to reduce split ends — and since split ends are the result of hair that is dry and brittle, well, you can see why you should consider giving it a shot; especially if length retention is your (ultimate) goal.
9. Make Leave-In Conditioner a Part of Your Nightly Hair Routine
Speaking of taking care of your ends, since that is the oldest part of your hair, you need to “baby” them more than any other part of your locks; otherwise, they are prone to breakage, and length will never be something that you will see much of. One way to do that is to give your ends more hydration by applying a leave-in conditioner to your ends no less than 2-3 times a week, whether you’re someone who rolls up your hair, braids, or twists it. My favorite for a while now has been Mielle’s Pomegranate & Honey Leave-In Conditioner. Some other options that you might want to check out are located here, here, and here.
10. Wrap Your Hair Up at Night
Y’all, please don’t underestimate the importance of wrapping your hair up at night — not just to avoid the friction that tossing and turning can cause (which can ultimately lead to breakage) but because it really is true that your hair can dry out if you are lying down for hours on end without some satin or silk on your head to protect it from your bedding. Listen, I have had seasons when I didn’t wrap my hair up and seasons when I did — when it comes to retaining moisture, the difference is like night and day whenever I do take out five extra minutes to do the step, I just talked about and then to cover it up with something that won’t absorb all of my efforts.
BONUS: Regularly Use a Finishing Spray
If you want your hair to have more sheen to it, you probably already know that oil sheen can make that happen for you. Okay, but what if you want to lightly condition your hair throughout the day? Then what? Something that I am a huge fan of is finishing and conditioning sprays. They tend to be light, they help to keep the cuticles of my strands smooth and my hair soft, and they are able to add movement (like when it comes to blowouts), too. Plus, they help my hair to feel moisturized. That’s why, I absolutely could not close this article out without shouting out the brand that I use: BB Smooth Sheen Conditioning Spray with Shea Butter.
To be honest with you, I have no idea how I even stumbled upon it in the first place, yet when I tell you that it is now a staple that I can’t see going without? It’s like it coats my hair and soothes my scalp without any (real) residue so that my hair remains moisturized until I come up and do my nighttime hair routine. Definitely a must-have if you’re trying to figure out how to keep your hair from drying out in between wash days. Hey, don’t say I never told you. It’s a winner. Promise you that!
So…what are you waiting on? Your parched hair is looking for relief, and now you know just what to do. Enjoy, sis. ENJOY.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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