10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)
Not too long ago, while looking up some wedding data, I read a published study on The Knot that literally had me shaking my head. It was talking about how often married couples go on dates. The findings weren't very impressive. I'll put it to you this way—while 11 percent went on dates once or more a week, 30 percent only did it once a month and 36 percent hardly ever had one. That really is kind of disturbing considering most of us have heard that the way we get someone is the way we should keep them. Plus, dating shouldn't be seen as merely a way to woo someone into being in a relationship; it should also be about wanting to spend real quality time with them. No matter how long two individuals have been together, that should never get old.
If you totally agree but the challenge is that your lifestyle (hard to find a babysitter), budget (need to save most of your coins) or current circumstances (like a roaring pandemic that is happening at the time that I am writing this) are what's preventing you and yours for being as romantic as you'd like, I've got a few ways where the two of you can still date each other from the comfort, convenience and safety of your own home.
1. Have a Spa Day (or Night)
Something that can be romantic and sexy while also being a way to de-stress is to create a spa-themed date. It can consist of things like giving each other massages with aphrodisiac essential oils (see "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage" and "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last") and doing some reflexology on one another, to taking a soothing bath together; one that consists of DIY bath soak recipes. Make sure that you take luxury to another level by warming up your towels in the dryer before using them, picking up some rose petals to put into your foot soak or bathwater, lighting some soy scented candles, opening up a bottle of wine, and turning off all of your electronics (except maybe a device for some background music).
2. Binge-Watch a Series from Your College Years
Call it blinded nostalgia if you want to, but some of my favorite television-watching years was the early 90s. A Different World. Living Single. Martin. In Living Color. Yeah, those were the days. If you were in college then, take a walk down memory lane by binge-watching some of those shows with your significant other. Whether you knew each other or not at the time, it can bring up all kinds of memories and fun stories. You can take it up a notch and eat some of the same foods that you did while you were hanging out in your campus's university center. (By the way, this suggestion applies to any television era; the early 90s is simply my personal favorite.)
3. Put a Twist to Sip & Paint
Pretty much every city has at least one place where you can go to take painting classes while you sip on a glass of wine (or some other alcoholic beverage that tickles your fancy). Put a twist on that by throwing a very private and personal sip & paint at your house. Sure, you can put up easel if you want to. But I have something a bit more erotic in mind.
How about making some of your own body paint (or you can purchase some edible body paint, in a variety of different colors, here), stripping down to your underwear (or less) and painting each other? It's something that is both sexually stimulating and really fun at the same time; especially if you bring that bottle of red wine (which is a big time aphrodisiac) into the equation. #bottomsup
4. Go on a “Travel-Themed” Date
There are a couple of different ways to have a travel-themed date night in your house. One way is to either order or prepare foods that represent another country. You know, maybe a pasta dish to represent Italy or a Greek salad to represent Greece. The cool thing about this idea is your date can be any time of the day. For instance, maybe you want to make some Rabanadas (which is basically Portuguese French Toast) for a breakfast or brunch date, or a couple of bowls of Vegetable Pad Thai (which represents Thailand) late at night. Selecting foods based on a particular place can be a great way to expand your palate while bonding if you plan on preparing the dishes together.
Another approach to a travel-themed date is to put on some soft music, light some soy scented candles and hop on Instagram or Pinterest to plan a dream vacation together. And just where would you get the money to pay for it? Check out "5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar". If you play your cards right, planning the date will be nothing more than a creative foreplay move (if you catch my drift).
5. Make a Disco Ball and Dance the Night Away
The more that you and your partner touch each other, the more oxytocin will surge throughout your systems to make you feel emotionally close and physically connected. So, why not have a night when you turn off most of the lights, put on your favorite music playlist and dance all night long? You can make it feel more like a "formal date" by actually dressing up and even hanging a homemade DIY disco ball from your ceiling. If the ball is something that you'd like to try, you can get some fairly easy step-by-step instructions here.
6. Design Your Own Drive-In (in Your Backyard)
Who said that you had to spend a mini mint on movie theater tickets? Buy some candy, pop some popcorn and watch your favorite flick from the comfort of your own backyard by setting up your own drive-in experience. For this idea, it all depends on how sophisticated you want it to be. You can purchase a projector and put together an entire set-up (click here, here, here or check out a great Dollar Tree video here for some tips on how to do that). Or, you can simply take your computer outdoors and watch a movie on that if you just want a change of scenery.
7. Enjoy a Sports Night Together
Even though there is apparently a scientific reason for why men like sports more than women do, there was a Gallup poll from a few years ago that said 51 percent of women consider themselves to be some pretty diehard sports fans too. If you are one of them, another date idea is to have a sports night at home. There's not much to this one. Simply order up some hot wings or pizza, crack open a couple of bottles of beer and watch a game or competition to your hearts' content.
8. Have a Video Games Competition
It's a huge misconception that it's only men who enjoy playing video games. In fact, one study revealed that as much as 46 percent of women consider themselves to be avid gamers. If you happen to fall into that demographic, have a video game competition with your man. If you'd prefer to take it back to old school retro stuff, articles like "The 6 Best Sites to Buy Retro Games Online" can help to point you in the right direction of finding vintage consoles and game cartridges. Just make sure that you come up with a really sexy prize for the winner in order to make this date all the more…stimulating.
9. Transform Your Bedroom into a Hotel Room
The married people in my world know that I advocate for them having as much sex as they possibly can. I try and put my money where my mouth is by sometimes putting couples up in hotel rooms or a bed and breakfast, free of charge. If money is a little tight right now and you can't afford to book a reservation, how about transforming your bedroom into a hotel room?
Purchase some new white 300-count (or more) sheets and then apply the triple-sheeting technique where you put a thin blanket in between your top sheet and your actual comforter for more of a layered and hotel-like feel. Buy a couple of terry cloth robes. Put together a toiletry basket with things like candles, massage oil and fruits in it. Get a three-way light bulb for your lamps. Invest in a blackout curtain (so that you can sleep in the following morning). Consider investing in a sound machine or hopping onto YouTube to listen to ASMR ocean waves or rain videos.
Little touches like these can easily make you feel less like you're in your same ole' bedroom and more like you're in a five-star suite.
10. Create Your Own Bed & Breakfast
If you decide to try the hotel room date, make the moment last even longer by waking up to some good old-fashioned morning sex, followed by a breakfast that both of you make together. If the two of you want to go a couple of more rounds after, make sure that your meal consists of aphrodisiac foods like blueberries, honey, avocados, dark chocolate and ginger. Like maybe a bowl of berries and whipped cream, some chocolate chip pancakes and/or an avocado omelet with some ginger tea. Oh, and don't forget to put it all on a tray and eat it in bed. It'll be the perfect way to end a date—or start an entirely new one, if you know what I mean.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Wellness And Spiritual Coach Koya Webb On Taking Up Space As A Black Woman In Yoga
There are some misconceptions about yoga and people who practice it, such as it's only for people who are flexible, thin, and/ or considered elite. However, none of those things are true, and Koya Webb is the perfect example. Koya is an international holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor who represents much of what yoga can do for others by allowing it to manifest in herself. The former track athlete began practicing yoga after a sports injury that affected her not only physically but mentally. As she was trying to push through the pain with yoga, she was facing another obstacle: isolation. There weren't many others who looked like her in her classes, so she felt alone.
She reflects on that tough moment in an exclusive interview with xoNecole. "When I started, it wasn't that many of us in there, and it was painful, to be honest. I couldn't touch my toes. No one looked like me. I was mentally hurt. I felt like I was gonna get my scholarship taken away. I felt hopeless," she tells us. I felt like I didn't belong there. This is not for me, and I could barely breathe, and I just wanted to cry."
However, her yoga instructor was very encouraging and helped her through her practice. "And the teacher came to me and she was just like, just breathe with me. And she just took this deep inhale, exhale, and I felt the Holy Spirit like in my body— that I identify as spirit which is full body chills. And that's how I knew I was in the right place."
"And the teacher came to me and she was just like, just breathe with me. And she just took this deep inhale, exhale, and I felt the Holy Spirit like in my body— that I identify as spirit which is full body chills. And that's how I knew I was in the right place."
She continues, "So, even throughout the pain and throughout the stiffness in my body, and even though I felt like I didn't fit in, I didn't belong. I just did it anyway, and I cried through the pain. I breathed through the pain, and after a year, I completely healed my body, strengthen my mind, and I came back to win the conference championship in the heptathlon and was ranked 13th in the nation."
But like many of us have done, Koya fell back into old habits, such as not taking care of herself and stopping yoga altogether, which resulted in another injury. This time, however, when she returned to yoga, she stuck with it and got certified as a yoga teacher. From there, she created her own online certification to encourage more Black people to teach holistic health and yoga. As a Black woman in the wellness space, Koya was in the minority and had to do some soul-searching to effectively make a change.
"It was really hard because I experienced a lot of microaggressions that I had just normalized. And I had to normalize it just to be safe, and I didn't realize I was doing it at that time. I really realized a lot during the pandemic. When I started reading like Caste, and I started going deeper into my own journey of, like, life and what does it mean to be a Black woman? You know, and what does it mean to be a leader? You know, because I would just say yes to people who would reached out to me," she says.
"I got very far in my career and then I realized it's time for me to reach out to people that are afraid to reach out. Until I start focusing on other Black women and reaching out and saying, 'Hey, let's do this.' You know, and I think that was a really pivotal point because I feel like a lot of times because we've experienced so much trauma, we're just afraid. We've been hurt so much. We're just afraid and not just the the people that don't look like us but even each other."
It was really hard because I experienced a lot of microaggressions that I had just normalized. And I had to normalize it just to be safe, and I didn't realize I was doing it at that time. I really realized a lot during the pandemic. When I started reading like Caste, and I started going deeper into my own journey of like, life and what does it mean to be a Black woman? You know, and what does it mean to be a leader?
Through her many efforts, Koya has become well known throughout the wellness community with her yoga classes, coaching, podcast, The Lifestyle Design podcast, and events like the Mind, Body + Sol Retreat. She also has a new book coming out focusing on lifestyle design, which she describes as intentionally incorporating wellness in every aspect of your life. Koya also uses her social media to motivate others to live a life of joy, love, and wellness. While she promotes positivity through her work, she also wants others to know that they, too, can start on their holistic journey by adding these simple yoga principles.
"I feel like just waking up and breathing, just mindful breath. You know, of course we're breathing all the time, but like, deep inhale, deep exhale like 10 deep inhalations and exhalations when they wake up and then just some gentle stretches in bed," she says.
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